am i gay?

Ok,here it is.
I am a 25 year old male and up until a few months ago never considered i might be gay but, now looking back i realize perhaps i have been repressing some things without being aware i am doing it.

I never experienced a crush as a young child, and never felt any kind of interest in girls at all. Dating, romance, and curiosity about womens bodies were just not a factor in the majority of my life. As i got older though, i started to notice the absence of these feelings. I would ask myself for years when i was going to understand what all the o her guys were feeling towards girls. I felt like i was waiting for something that never came.
Finally, around 18 i got a girlfriend but , it was only because she persued me. Might as well right?. At first i hade a difficult time with the sex. It required a lot of concentration to keep myself going until the end. That past though and i guess i coonditioned myself to perform on command. I would even seek it out at times. We eventually broke up because of my drinking and a growing resentment i felt towards her for reasons i cant explain. Years go by and i dont look for another girl or even really miss it.
Now to the present. I am a delivery driver for *mod edit* and drive hundreds of mile a day. While picking up a transfer from another store i encountered a very attractive, clearly gay guy employee around my age. We talk briefly about this or that and i leave to load up my truck. I could have done it on my own but for some reason i go back inside and recruit him to help me. Something about his mild femmenine mannerisms captivated me. Driving back i realize i am the happiest ive felt....ever, and i start checking every day hoping to see i have another transfer there. In retrospect i think i was actually flirting with him which is something i didnt even really understand how to do and definitely had never done with a woman. Since being gay had never occured to me before this point i dont really know what to do or think. Any insights or opinions would help greatly. Am i gay?
#1

Wow what an interesting post....

I'm the moderator in OCD, and there's a lot (a LOT) of ppl that ask this question, that to me, clearly aren't. It's such a common obsessive thought, that there's even a nickname, HOCD- which isn't a real 'thing' but just a common descriptor for obsessive fears of being homosexual.

This sure don't sound like those posts.

I'm Bi, sort of... and while I try ('try' being the operative word, here, because OCD is by its nature a pretty irrational disorder) to tell people that there's no way they would have NOT known that they were gay until they had their sudden 'what if' moment... this isn't the same thing as you describe. The folks in OCD (that occasionally will make a first post here in Sexuality) always have this moment of panic, fear, anxiety at the thought- and it's usually to something pretty innocuous that Nons would just shrug off as a stupid/strange/funny thought.

And I tell them you're not going to spontaneously TURN gay... especially males- based on my own reading I'm pretty well convinced male sexual orientation is set fairly early by no later than the middle teens, and is fairly immutable afterwards. I know I can't change.

But that doesn't mean that somewhere sometime someone doesn't have a 'lightbulb' moment where a switch is flipped and things become clear.... for me it was when a pederast tried to groom me, and I realised I would be interested in sex with the same sex..... unlike the pwOCD (I have OCD, also) it wasn't an existential crisis- I mean I thought it was wrong and that scared me but it was also like YES I Want This!.....

And that sure seems to be the case, here. You're intrigued, you're excited, you want to experience what you did, again. You may have found your thing.....

omething about his mild femmenine mannerisms captivated me.

Interesting how merely based on this one assertion it seems you are attracted to femininity but instead of liking to see it displayed in females you like its expression in a male.

To gain more understanding of why this may be,
it may be a good idea for you to sit with the feelings have for your parents,
and in what way there may be some cross-gender discrepancies in their expression of femininity and masculinity.