Painful Sex

I have had sex a few times in my life. I have masterbated more times than I can count. I use a vibrator once in a while. It sometines hurts when I use it. I was wondering if anyone has a ny suggestions. I kinda think it is because I do not have much sexual experience and have emotional issues.

Hi GothicBBW,

Does it only hurt when you use the vibrator? Is it a vibrator that has adjustable settings? If so, maybe you can try turning down the speed/power.

Your sensitivity can vary depending on how aroused you are. What feels nice initially can begin to get painful. You may also be more sensitive on particular days; sometimes where you are in your menstrual cycle can make a difference.

You may prefer gentler or indirect stimulation. So if it hurts, I would try experimenting to find touch that feels better to you.

What are the emotional issues that you think could be affecting you? I think it could be worthwhile to explore these feelings. Would you feel comfortable talking about them?

I had a raging alcoholic/drug addict father who verbally/emotionally/physically abused my mother when I was young. I have not had too many (maybe one) close male relationships. I feel as though that is part of my issue. I am a bit overweight and have issues with my body and weight. It all seems as if I am going to be this way forever, I just can't get out there to meet anyone - let alone be sexual or even explain the situation to the person.

Sorry to hear about your father and his behaviour. That would have been frightening and upsetting for you to witness when you were a child.

You can still be a beautiful person who deserves sexual pleasure even if you are overweight. Your weight is a very minor aspect of who you are. Try to enjoy your body. Focus on what you do like about yourself, not your perceived flaws. Do you think your self esteem could be a bit low?

It can be hard to meet someone special. A lot of couples meet online these days, but I don't know if that appeals to you. I know couples who’ve met in random everyday places like the supermarket.

Would you ever consider talking to a therapist about what you’re feeling? A therapist may be able to help you deal with some of the pain and negative feelings you might be carrying. They could also help you with self-esteem and confidence.

This sounds really familiar to me, GothicBBW - you're not alone!

Although I've had sex a few times, it's never been pleasurable for me and almost always hurt. I imagine this is just because I went so long in-between - a 'size issue'. Now I haven't been sexually active for over five years, I actually find that the vast majority of conventional toys in their default size are much too big and uncomfortable for me.

Personally, I was able to find slimline versions. A lot of online shops sell these, which usually state they're a bit smaller than the average toy, for women who are less active in that department. If you're ensure, I recommend measuring something you know is uncomfortable and then checking the measurements of any online to ensure you pick something smaller.

You can also try something smaller like a bullet, designed just for clitoral stimulation rather than penetration. These are small and un-intimidating and allow for a lot of exploration.

This all works for me, I don't think this is anything out of the ordinary, I think most toys are just designed size-wise with sexually active women in mind, whose bodies are more... accommodating.

I wish I could give you advice on actually overcoming your issues with physical intimacy with another person, but unfortunately I'm in the same boat. I do find companionship online, but I can't bring myself to meet them in person.

The only advice I can give you aside from what everyone else mentioned is to talk to your doctor about this. There could be something going on hormonally.

Have you tried using lubricant? My hormones are still totally out of whack from having a baby last Fall and without lubricant nothing can happen without pain.

I have tried usinf lubricant. It does seem to work, but I do use quite a bit.

Have you seen a doctor?

A couple of times, before having the baby, sex became really painful. Once it was because of a bad yeast infection that was eating away at my skin, another was because stress had cause my genital area to develop eczema. Without getting checked I would have never known what the cause was.

I'm considering going to the doctor to get some numbing cream soon, but I'm not sure if it numbs the pleasure along with the pain.