My bf has no sexual desire but I don't beleive him anymore

Hi all,

I have a seperate thread in the relationship forum as I left my boyfriend last weekend as I was sick of his behaviour.
I would like to talk about part of it here please and ask for some help.We haven't had sex in 11 months or ANY sexual contact.

We have been together 18 months. We had a great sex life at first and HE was the one who persuaded me and wanted to have sex 'typical man really' and I had no concerns. He was very loving, keen etc.
3 months in I feel emotional distance and by March it is pretty sparce with him saying he's tired.
He did admit to saying "you have to act normal in the beginning and have sex otherwise you wouldn't have gone out with me"
At this same time he admits he is a compulsive gambler and has been active for the last 3 months (i have read about links to addictions and low sex drive)
I agreed to support him and he moved in with my in July 09 and it got worse. He was never interested in sex, always pushed me away, if i was suggestive he'd tell me i was dirty or sounded like a slapper!! He even said once "what would your mum say if she heard you talking like that"?! which i found very bazare!
He would come up with lots of excuses and carrot dangle, ie at the weekend, im doing something, im watching this programme.
No kissing as it leads to sex! I asked for us to do other things as i wanted to feel close to him ie have a bath together-wouldn't entertain it! I just felt it was so selfish.
He had testicular cancer 3 years ago and used testicle ache or worries about his sperm etc which during which i supported him on and got tested, all of which were fine..Testosteone levels are fine too.
We went on an amazing holiday to Thailand and never had sex once!!

I told him how i felt, how rejected i felt and he said he would try or leave it to me but this never happened. September he referred himself to the GP to ask about councelling (i felt this was a good step and did it himself)
We got a place with a sex therapist in Jan and have seen her 5-6 times now.

I have been through every possible scenario it could be childhood abuse, repressed issues, psychological, is he gay?...everything....no i am starting to wonder if its only me he hasn't been having sex with!?!?

I finished the relationship last week as i found emails from a website called fling.com in his inbox. I know there are lots of dodgey links so i clicked on it and it took me to a homepage for my BF. No picture just a username which is his surname and location details. I decided to make sure by logging out and logging back in and to my horror, his email and password (which stupidly on his part he uses for everything) got me in and I couldn't think how else it could be a mistake. I rang him, he denied it and than hung up on me, he's flatly refused it ever since but I cannot beleive him and his past track record of amazing ability to lie and manipulate.
Since then i've found his email linked to other sites from the past, all adult sex sites saying he was very very horny, eg of conversations in his FB account (before he met me) with foreign women asking them to come to London to make porn with him, asking for pictures of their bodies etc...not the profile of a man who doesn't like sex?????

Why would he put myself and himself through sex therapy for it all to be a cover/stall/game?

I don't mind porn and am very liberal and have been fustrated by my BF's conservative views on sex as i like to try new things, role play etc but they have all been met with disgust from him stating i am his GF and future wife stuff like that is only for slappers.
I am very hurt and at a loss at the moment, he's still professing his innocence to friends and family when i can't think how it can be....

Can someone help shed some light? does it sound familiar? can you think of a reason? I've though about him sleeping with other women but i just don't know when? he doesn't go out at night and rarely at weekends.

Thank you for reading.

You were supporting him. He covered up because he didn't want to lose his security in you.

Why you'd allow a gambler to move into your home I'll never understand. He's got a bunch of problems. Addicts are notorious liars for one thing. They'll go to any length to be able to do what they want to do and to avoid any consequences.

And of course he was wanking to porn instead of having sex with you! A guy doesn't go off sex for long periods of time without there being a good reason and more and more people are finding that porn is the thing that stops them from wanting partnered sex.