Lifelong masturbation & porn addiction

Maybe some will think this problem laughable, or not serious, or a joke but it is a real and terrible life for me. My earliest memory is of me laying in my crib masturbating. By age 5 I was masturbating multiple times every day. As I reached my mid-teens I became hooked on porn. I still recall the 'rush' of viewing it for the first time, like a new drug was in my veins that I never wanted to let go but its all killing me, killing me.

Both have cost me countless wasted hours of what could be a more productive life. I sacrifice everything to these, but I'm hooked. I want to quit but only until the urge gets to be too strong then I rush back for my fix. Im powerless over it. I have prayed to stop, begged and pleaded with God to take these desires away only and I have tried, I've tried so hard to stop!!

My mind never turns off, ever. It is constantly flooded with ideas, memories, fantasies etc but I am never without a thought in my head and this only adds to my problem. I am loosing the ability to set aside sexual thoughts and they are becomming more and more perverse. I've done everyting that one can do alone to quit. Cold turkey, 12 step sex addiction, anti-porn software which is just too easy to overcome because no matter how much I want to quit I am an addict and like all addicts when I need a fix I find one.

I fear I am on a downward spiral to hell and the rest of my body is just along for the ride. I've considered chemical castration for the masturbation but how do I turn off my mind? I am very well known where I live and because of it I am limited to what I can do on my own. Public exposure is something I cannot risk. I've suffered alone. Noone knows, no one but me.

Chances are within an hour I will be looking at porn and masturbating. I failed to quit again yesterday after a day of fighting off the urge to view porn and abuse myself (and that is exactly what it is, self abuse) Even while typing this I have had a constant stream of sexual thoughts, its a nightmare I wouldnt wish anyone to go through. I'm getrting tired of fighting, but I don't want to be this way anymore. Maybe there is no hope but this is as close to reaching out as I can get. If you know a way to end my madness short of a lobotomy please, please help.

No one? Nothing? Wow, thanks people, thanks alot.

I am responding, not because I have a solution, because I don't, but because my partner of 16 years has the same problem. I'm finally so sick of the lies I have called it quits. He's a narcissist though and lies about everything, feels no remorse, won't get help and doesn't care if he hurts me. That doesn't sound like what you are going through though. Check your private message. I'm sending a contact for you.

What about therapy online? Just asking because if you can find a legit expert Who can counsel you online or over the phone you don't have to go out in the community to get help so you can spare yourself the embarrasment of being found out.

Being 'found out' is part of the process of recovery. As long as the secret remains a secret, its power remains.

One good way to work on the sexual addiction of continuous porn/masturbation is to find a good therapy group.
In my experience, you can't tackle this alone. Going it alone is what got you to your present place and will keep you there.

There's an American TV show that might be helpful to you in understanding the depth of the addiction and the need to enter treatment once its reached the stage you describe. Some of the shows are available online I think.

Google Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. I think you'll find viewing those episodes helpful if you truly want to begin a program to recover your life again.

i can probably help you, contact me or go to my page www.addictioncontrol.blogspot.com