fleshlights for retarded ejaculation?

Thanks for your insights, WonderfulDay.

The doctor he went to said that the only way to treat sexual dysfunction is to have sex. And I think he's probably right. Trying to treat a sexual dysfunction with something that has in all likelihood contributed to or fully caused the dysfunction is at best, a partial measure and one unlikely to lead to real, sustained success.

Yes, that seems to make sense, but it is difficult. I am a somewhat addictive geeky personality - from coffee, through beer, computer games, and of course my obsessionality has resulted in my rapidly becoming an expert in various arcane subjects = career success.

This dichotomy makes it difficult to tackle such basic parts of my personality as success and failure are intertwined.

Given that I had little access to porn when young and my internet porn addiction can't date back, I think, to before 2004, because of my personal circumstances, I am surprised how I will have to make a strong and concerted vow/effort to stop using it. Obviously the porn arouses me, then I masturbate.

Incidentally, and this is where the porn use is deeply unpleasant on an intellectual level, is the ****horrible misogyny of most hard-core porn: the spanking, penis-gagging, throat-grabbing, and cumming on women's faces, is actually nasty and degrading of women. In my younger years, I very occasionally saw hard core porn films, blimey! on super 8 cine film indeed!!! and these tropes were not evident then. Porn has got worse, as well as more prevalent****

I don't want to degrade women, quite the opposite, I want to solve my subconscious anxieties/fears by whatever means necessary and find one who I can have an adult, and hopefully long-lasting mutually beneficial relationship with.

I really don't think a fleshlight, or any kind of masturbation, will help with your problem.

Sex and masturbation are two different animals. With masturbation, a lot of us learn to blow our load as quickly as possible. Mainly because of privacy issues when we first start doing it. Nobody wants to get caught, so we learn to make it as quick as possible.

Sex is the opposite. We need to be able to go as long as possible. A lot of guys worry about pre-mature ejaculation even when we don't have it. Or worry if we can even satisfy the girl. These worries don't exist while masturbating.

Anxiety while with a girl can screw a guy up royally. I've been unable to cum only once. And it was because of stressing out.

Chances are good that your problem is related to anxiety unless you have a biological problem. You can masturbate all you want, but unless you have a girl sitting there with you, you probably won't be any better off. You'll just be better at masturbating.

On a lighter note, have any of you seen the fleshlight customer service pranks? There's a bunch of them and they're funny as hell.

While I'm glad that you feel that further masturbation and porn probably won't help you solve this problem, try not to confuse RE with other issues.

Believe it or not, there are women who within a loving relationship enjoy a little force or spanking or a little gagging even. The thing is that they're the ones initiating it. It isn't thrust on them (no pun) by someone who can't get off any other way. They're asking for some dominance. It is a totally different animal.

The problem with porn and masturbation is how disconnected it is from a partner. If you combine that with guilt that you might feel about how you perceive sex, it is a recipe for disaster or at least, a recipe for not cumming.

Within a loving relationship, the sky is truly the limit. It is up to the partners. And that's where you need to arrive with someone. You need to be able to talk to them, share with them your fears and your hopes, and just talk about it.

You won't always succeed. Sometimes it will be really disappointing. But sometimes it will be better than you ever hoped in your wildest dreams. And those are the times you will live for. And even if your partner has been with guys who have always performed, I guarantee you that the times with you will be the sweetest. I'm speaking from personal experience.

Wait for her. Share with her. Be honest always. The right girl will help you through this.

OTOH, if you want to characterise me as a bitch as someone else has here recently.... aah, you won't. And, you will kick this.

Thinking about this a little more I'm wondering...

... For you fellows who haven't had a lot of opportunity with the ladies, is there any anger in there? So you see this porn where this dominant male gets to have his way with someone, and in some cases while you find it degrading to the woman, maybe you're a little angry and wouldn't mind doing the same thing??

I'm not saying you're bad. I'm not saying you're misogynistic. I'm saying you're upset that you don't have the same opportunity and in some cases, it is because some women are really shallow jerks. (And they are.)

Do you think that porn in combination with a situation where you're not a guy who can readily get women interested might actually exacerbate anxiety?

I know that for a man or two that I know, the fact that they married women who for all intents and purposes didn't enjoy sex, porn did NOT help their marriages at all.

Porn may distort reality enough to make regular good guys afraid to even try.

WonderfulDay wrote:Thinking about this a little more I'm wondering...

... For you fellows who haven't had a lot of opportunity with the ladies, is there any anger in there? So you see this porn where this dominant male gets to have his way with someone, and in some cases while you find it degrading to the woman, maybe you're a little angry and wouldn't mind doing the same thing??

...

Do you think that porn in combination with a situation where you're not a guy who can readily get women interested might actually exacerbate anxiety?

No.








Lol... ok I'll expand a bit on my answer here...

These days most, if not all young guys watch porn. This is the internet. You can get it for free within minutes.

Yet... I've never come before...

Yet... I don't feel angry at women (or myself or anyone for that matter) about RE -- just know it's something I want to get over and am taking steps to get over.

I never really watch/watched that much porn anyway (well not the hardcore movies like you talk about, maybe beating off to softcore stuff of girls in their underwear in an FHM magazine or whatever)

It goes back to the whole scapegoat idea... it's like how the media turn around and blame violence in music/films/computer games anytime a school shooting happens despite no-one's proving any link.

I mean I even theorized that maybe my RE was because I didn't watch ENOUGH porn... that maybe I was so used to using my own thoughts and fantasies to masturbate with and other guys who watch porn are at least seeing a visual representation of sex... so it's closer to the real thing...

But I digress.

Getting over RE is simply the process of changing a habit, nothing more, nothing less. I'm in the habit of coming through MB (lol, I like using the initials) and I'm not used to sex. Once I have regular sex, and I learn how to make my self come through sex, I'll come and be over it. It's simple.

I hope it is that simple for you. I really do.

You'll see more and more ties between RE and masturbation to porn over time. I've already seen it in another forum with the number of young guys asking what is wrong with them. The sooner that a guy deals with their habit the better the prognosis for solution.

As for your idea that too much fantasy with your very good imagination is the cause of your RE, it isn't likely. A good fantasy that can be called on during partnered sex can help almost anyone cum if they don't feel guilty about it.

Porn is too easy for too many and they never learn to develop the rest of their sexual response.

Whether you believe in the porn tie or not is really up to you. It isn't in the same league as film violence. People don't generally sit at home shooting their guns and beating people up while watching violent movies. But they do generally masturbate with porn. Some people indulge in a lot more of both than is healthy and those folks are at risk for RE. Porn's entire purpose is to arouse.

Yes, but the connection is because you are conditioned to come by using your own hand rather than penetrating a vagina. Doesn't matter whether you are fantasizing or watching porn or not. Guilt doesn't come into it either, well at least not for me anyway. And fantasizing during sex doesn't help me either because I can't concentrate on the fantasy and totally lose myself in it. My thoughts will either wander off back into anxious thoughts or something the girl is doing will snap me out of it.

Anyway, I've given up masturbating full stop now. With or without porn. I'm running the risk that I might not even be able to get a partner after doing this seeing as I might lose my sex drive, but whatever, I'll take the risk.

jigsaw wrote:Anyway, I've given up masturbating full stop now. With or without porn. I'm running the risk that I might not even be able to get a partner after doing this seeing as I might lose my sex drive, but whatever, I'll take the risk.

You won't lost your sex-drive by not masturbating. If anything, it will become stronger and you will enjoy your next masturbating 'session' more than previous ones. Why are you doing this again anyway?

Kevin

Chucky wrote: Why are you doing this again

To desensitize myself to masturbation and hopefully be able to come during sex.

Okay, but can I direct you to something that I believe will be helpful to you while you abstain from masturbation? It's called the Pubococcygeus Muscle and it is in the shape of an '8' in your pelvic region. Each hole of the hole constitutes the anus and then urethra/penis. Anyway, if you want to improve your orgasms, then you should start doing what are known as Kegel Exercises.

Basically, when you are going for a piss and you stop the flow of urine mid-stream, that is one Kegel stretch; and the muscle you are stretching is the pubococcygeus muscle. Do at least ten of these streches everyday (but you don't have to be urinating each time) and your muscle will become stronger in no time. Then, when you are next masturbating, at the moment of climax, strecth the muscle again to prevent your semen from being ejaculated. This is the ultimate Kegel stretch and will eventually maen that you can have multiple orgasms (like I can).

Kevin