Retarded Ejaculation - Your Introduction and Story

I am 19 years old, and I suffer from RE.

It is not an isue of fearing anything, every sexual experience I have had has been very laid back, easy going and mutual.
Through all of my teenage years I masturbated very regularly and have always been comfortable with that and my heterosexuality.
I recall doing 'endurance training' when i was a bit younger because I didn't want to be a premature ejaculator when I lost my virginity.


Now my sexual experiences are always the same, I will basically just have sex untill we have to stop.
I enjoy the sex, and most of the time my partners have also but I can never ejaculate or even get close to the point of ejaculation!

I never thought it would be a big issue until one girl got upset about it.
until now I never even knew that RE existed and now I am feeling very scared and worried after reading all these people who have been unable to hold long term, meaningful and balanced relationships.

I have never had a regular sexual partner and I am hoping that might be something to do with it.
Right now I am travelling the world but when I get home in 2 weeks I will be in a relationship for the first time in my life.

I will update this again after a week or so of being with a regular, sexual partner hopefully with tales of success.

Thanks for sharing all your stories, like I said hopefully I wont have any need to continue posting here in a few weeks.

Hey everyone. Not sure how active this discussion still is, but anyway. Heres a copy paste from the main thread I posted in.


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21 year old with RE here. Somewhat optimistic, as I have made some progress, but there are some deep seeded problems too. I'll start at the start.

As a kid I injured my penis, and it couldn’t become erect... but I didn't know this wasn’t normal. I soon realised I liked women, but without erections to go with the attraction I think my normal sexual development was stifled. I was sexual, but couldn’t imagine being sexual with another person… All I knew was that I liked seeing naked women and feeling myself, but if I had one there, I wouldn’t know what to do. I couldn’t have known, having no erection/instinct to penetrate.

Through my teens I realised something was very wrong. Thankfully, physically my penis was not damaged beyond repair & I have decent, natural erections now. When boozed up and completely relaxed, I find the urge to penetrate is there…it had just been ‘lost’/locked away in my childhood/teens. However, I have terrible anxiety because of my past, & still feel somewhat disconnected from any kind of mutual sexual feeling. Penetration feels nice, but not nice enough for me to cum, especially when wearing a condom. Bareback is pretty damn good…but again, I’m not going to cum. In the end I just whack myself off, usually thinking about my favourite movie nude scenes/the woman’s body that I’m with. It kills me, because this is what I found especially arousing as a kid, just seeing naked women…..when it should have been actually having sex with them. It’s depressing.

Hi guys. I'm new here, and my name is Brandon.

I'm 19 years old, and started having sex a few months ago with my girlfriend (very committed relationship.) I am so attracted to this woman, and can barely hold an erection back just through hugging her and holding her, but I cannot ejaculate with her. I can fine when masturbating though. The sex is amazing - we were both virgins, and have only had sex with each other.

I love it, so much. I love her. She is so sexy and hot to me, and I have many fantasies about her, and having sex with her is a dream come true.

But... even with other methods (hand job, oral sex) I just cannot seem to ejaculate. I don't know why, and I'm glad I found this topic. The non-vaginal sex has been going on for about 2 years now, and not until about a year ago has it really gotten.. far. It really struck me when we had sex last time we were together, for 30 minutes, and still I could not ejaculate. And even before when she was touching me for a while, it wouldn't happen. She doesn't seem too worried yet, but I'm afraid this may become a bigger problem, and I have to keep her.

Like I said, I am SO aroused by her - I'm always initiating sex acts, intercourse, etc.. but.. It just won't happen.

Having said, I do masturbate quite often and am thinking maybe this has a lot to do with it.. And we've never not used condoms.

and even though we haven't done it THAT much.. and all that, I'm just worried the problem will continue.

Any help? Anything will be greatly appreciated.

I figured out how to up my sensitivity OVER NIGHT.

I'm a 20 year old male, and I've had trouble with RE for a while now. I've basically had a similar problem to all of these stories. No bad experiences with sex. Not on any medications. Physically fit. etc. and still nothing comes out. I never felt much, and it was actually like doing basically nothing when I was inside of her. It stressed me out a bit because, while it felt good, I didn't think I was getting the same pleasure as she was.

One thing I did do, however, is masturbate quite a bit. It's ridiculous to say you can't ever do it, but I did a lot... twice a day was fairly regular. I started having sex about 6 months ago (waiting for someone I knew I would be spending a long time with so it would mean more to me). For the first 3 months I didn't cum... at ALL. Nothing. Not even with handjobs or oral. Our first time my girlfriend actually got upset with me thinking I had been lying about never having had sex because of how long I was lasting.

Eventually, just laying off the masturbating a bit solved the problem for me. It caused the same problems everyone else has described here... she was feeling less and less inclined to do it because she thought I wasn't enjoying it. In 3 months I was able to start cumming, albeit very strained and forced, but cumming none the less. It was still very difficult to make it happen more easily. I wanted to just sit back and relax and not have to focus so much when it was time to cum (though, I'm not going to lie and say I didn't enjoy still having the same stamina).

This past weekend though, something changed. I've actually lost basically all control over being able to hold back my ejaculation. I've narrowed it down to two things that could possibly be the solution to what my problem is.

1. We started using a KY Jelly for sensitivity. because of sizing issues she usually gets sore after only a short time. her doctor recommended we try using a lubricant even though it seemed like she was doing just fine on her own. Let me tell you, the sex has never been better. Mind blowing. I'd recommend it to anyone who's looking to cum faster. It helps you to feel so much more because you're sliding like crazy.

2. I used some Vaseline to soften the skin along the penis. So, I'd been going at it again same as usual for that week. the skin was a bit rougher than usual. I thought about how people fixed rough feet and hands. Sleeping overnight with Vaseline over those parts softened that skin and moisturized, so why not for the penis? that was my line of logic anyways. So I threw some on and put on a condom over it as I slept the night before she came over. I woke up the next morning and I've never had a softer feel to it than I did then. She ended up telling me later she loved how soft to the touch it was, but that she didn't really notice it when it was inside.

I completely lost it that weekend. Holding back was impossible. My sensitivity had shot through the roof. Now, I'm not sure which it is that worked, but both are moisturizing. This compensates for the regular masturbating I've done in the past. Softer skin = more sensitivity. Simple as that. My best bet is it's the Vaseline that did it, but I would try both out and see if that works. The best part is, if you're too embarrassed about asking who you're with to try both you can do the Vaseline treatment on your own... Just be sure you don't use it all the time before you're with your partner because it's been two weeks now and my skin is still just as smooth and the control hasn't come back yet. I'm not sure if this is a fix for everyone, but I would give it a shot if you're at the point of just needing to try anything. These are both cheap, non-invasive, and with purpose made materials for skin.

Hello!

It's nice to see people discussing Delayed Ejaculation. I wish there were more success stories to read, but something's better than nothing. To add my own experience, I'm twenty-one and gay, which perhaps seems young, but I've only ejaculated once inside a guy since becoming sexually active in 2008, and I don't necessarily see any changes to this in the near future.

In general, sex is fun, and I often let my partners know before hand that I probably won't be able to ejaculate inside of them. As many of you might guess, this is a double-edged sword. In some ways, guys that I'm with and myself see it as a benefit, but for the most part it's a great nuisance. On the bright side of things, after my partner is done, I can usually pull out and finish myself off in what feels like about 5 minutes or so; however, on occasion I will feel anxiety and nervousness at my inability to cum, and ironically, it then takes half of forever.

Initially, I usually have some feeling, similar to masturbation, but at some point I go usually almost completely numb. I think that I enjoy sex despite this due to openness with others about how I perform and feel, and openness to not cumming, but I often wonder and envy those who seem to have it (the ability to cum) easy.

In my first relationship, I thought this was my partner's problem, and not mine. There may have been quite a bit of resentment in general on my side of the relationship, but we were young and stupid and stayed together. (You may be thinking that I'm still young, and yes I am, but hopefully a bit smarter at least.) This boyfriend never would let me be the top, so I never really figured out that I couldn't cum inside of a guy. Also when he would stimulate me orally or manually, he would sometimes grip so tight or wail on me so hard that it would hurt a ton, and I'd feel kind of bruised afterwards.

In later relationships, I realized that I might have an issue, I researched it, and I stumbled upon delayed Ejaculation. At this point, I tried to vary my masturbation habits a bit, which I actually found was difficult to a degree. Similarly, masturbating with my legs in certain positions is hard in the presence of a guy.

The main exception to all of this was one guy I dated, B. He actually had erectile dysfunction issues, so I felt very much like he was a good person for understanding my issues, and helping me with them. He consistently was able to get me off with hand jobs, and I've noticed that I'm now confident that most guys can finish me off manually or manually + orally. He was super patient as well, and in general I didn't have to worry about being a bother to him. I also reassured him that his Erectile Dysfunction didn't bother me at all, and at some point I grew to love this guy a lot. Sex in general had more feeling sometimes, though due to both of us not cumming it would last a long, long time.

I remember one occasion where I just felt good down there. I didn't feel like I could get to the point of no return, but I just felt good. The one and only occasion where I had an orgasm topping him was done using manual stimulation just to when I was about to cum, and then sticking it in. The first two attempts didn't work, but the third did. It felt amazing, perhaps partially just because of him, perhaps because of the emotions, or maybe because I felt accomplished idk... but I find myself looking for that feeling again.

A lot of online advice says that you should work out delayed ejaculation with a committed partner, but I'm a college student, and I move around a lot. Plus, I don't want to just get and use a partner for the sake of fixing this; it's easy to find a partner, harder to find one that fits me. Also, as one might imagine, I don't have a lot of money that I can spend on going to a therapist. So now I'm in a bind. . .

In case my case is caused by physical conditioning, I'm probably going to invest in a flesh light or something, and see if I can condition myself to get off without manual stimulation (to try to simulate more of what duo sex is). I have a feeling that this is more psychological though, and perhaps I do need a partner to help me condition my brain to sex instead of my penis.

Worst case scenario, maybe I'll start a forum/meetup website for people with sexual dysfunctions, and find myself another B. Worser worst case scenario, maybe there's no fix? Just as some people have small penises, vaginal pain, and other nonconforming genitalia, maybe I just have to be happy with what I got... I'm not quite ready to relinquish my dream of holding a guy I love in my arms, and cumming with him instead of after him.

Hope this helps someone!

Hi,

I have been dealing with RE since I started my sexual life but only found this to be a condition a few years later when I was 22. I am currently 30 yo.

I was circumcised at the age of 10 and never had any issues with being aroused and horny.

Across the years I've had several relationships and some occasional encounters but with no progress in this subject.

When I was 22 and noticed this was not normal, I decided to go to the doctor which pointed me to a sexual therapist. I took sexual therapy for 2 years and the results where clear, this is not a physical condition, it's 100% psychological.
During this time my therapist talked to me about several possibilities such as anxiety, over thinking it, afraid to loose control, etc. But could never achieve any practical results.

Up until this relationship I was unable to ejaculate in the presence of someone else.

The first time we had intercourse, in the end, I explained to her my condition and made it clear it had nothing to do with her, it was a condition I had and that it would take time to "fix it".

After the first month I was able to ejaculate with her by my side, and one time, during the second month I was trying to come inside of her after masturbating, for the first time, but she took to long to get into position making me hold back, nonetheless I was able to ejaculate inside of her. This was huge progress for me.

After this time I was not able to ejaculate, even masturbating, at her side for a while. She kept very expectant of me during the "waiting" and I felt the pressure. Only in some rare occasions I was able to ejaculate.

During this relationship I went back to therapy, this time to a regular therapist who insists my condition is related to past experiences and possibly not directly related with sexual experiences. It has been enlightening in many aspects but we are still not able to get to the bottom of this issue.

Unfortunately this condition lead my previous partner, and love of my live, to loose libido and eventually lead to us breaking up. She could not coupe with my condition.

I am afraid this condition will affect my future as I wish to build a family and strong relationship with someone.

So here I am, hopefully will pick up information and helpful tips to overcome this stressing, annoying sob condition that has the ability to destroy relationships.

As an aside, "The Sessions" is on one of the premium cable chans this month, with Helen Hunt as a sex surrogate.

Glad you're having success with your issue OP. Have an understood issue myself along these lines, but for me it's more like cumming in another person is what I've always done, and after the last major gf and the broken heart when she cheated then split, I've unintentionally linked climax with people with having my heart broken. But as you said, relax and try not to think so much about it and let biology take over. That, and it's like donuts and not choosing to eat them anymore cuase they're bad for you. I've had donuts in the past and enjoyed them, but too many makes me feel bad. So now when I see a donut I only have to remember I've had donuts before already, they make me feel bad, so why would I want to have more? ...Yes, it's a metaphor