do i need to be committed?

Let me explain.....

I just reciently been diagnoced with ADD and have been perscribed retilan, adderall xr, and vyance over the past year (not at the same time). Now Im comming down off the vyance at about 2 pm, at 60mg 6am. I use to take 120mg of adderall xr everyday just to stay focused till I got off work. I know ive had a problem all my life, and have issues with my parents for not getting me help. I dont remember what age, but I got caught with my cousin. I remember being in elementery school. Ever sence then my mother has "reminded me" how bad molesting is. Even now, I cower everytime I see my cousin/aunt. She still brings it up whenever some sicko rapes or molestes a woman/girl. She dosent say it straight out, but she looks at me while she says it.

Im 27, and only have sex maybe every 2 months with my wife. I have no problem becomming erect. I know its not the pills, because I have no problem watching porn and masturbating. I get very angry with my wife because she is not a tidy person. I try to keep up the house, but its very hard to do working 40 hrs a week and these pills wear off before i can get moving. Sence we have been together, she has washed her clothing maybe once (I have to wash and put away her cloths). I take care of our daughter most of the time, and do everthing else except cooking (thats the only thing she is good at). When she is off work, she sits and reads/watched tv all day. I tried to motivate her, but dosent work...

Anyways, when she cant stand waiting for me, she tries to force me to want her. I have felt raped several times. I have told her about my past, and it seems to not matter to her. This is actually the second time Ive spoken about it. She still pushes (she even went to my dr with me and asked for Viagra for V-day, which I got more angry and started the script on fire when we got home.) I know that we should be having sex at least twice a week, but I try to explain to her she doesnt know how I feel and whats going on in my head. She tells me to get over it, and she is not my mother. No...s**t...sherlock!

All I can think about when we go to bed is, im not touching you because you wont help me. I do love my wife, because she has helped me in so many other ways. I probably wouldnt of moved out of my parents house, and recieved mental help. Before I met her, I was very prejudice. I do ower her some kinda respect.

When we get in deep discussion (ie fightin), i lock up and cant express myself. I know Ive caused her alot of pain, and dont want to do it anymore. Im in alot of pain, and I dont think I can take much more of it. I know, we are pretty close to getting a divorce, but Im actually trying to get help. I am at my last wits.............

Thanks in advance...

Tom

Hi, Tom! Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry we didn't get to this post earlier.
Your wife has no right to try and force herself on you or try to force you to have sex with her. I'm sorry your parents didn't get you help when you were a kid. What exactly happened with your cousin? No one had the right to hurt you. Sorry if I misunderstood.
If you feel like this woman is making you do things you don't want to do and you say that you've felt raped, maybe you shouldn't be with her.
It's good that you moved away from your parents' house and that you're getting therapy, but she can't pressure you like this. She is very insensitive.
Maybe she would go to therapy with you, and change. If you do get a divorce, please do what you can to look after your daughter and make sure she is ok.
You can talk here as much as you want and there will be someone to listen.

I think taking her to therapy with you occasionally is the best answer, otherwise the only other thing I can see happening is you two splitting up. There are more problems than just the loss of apetite for sex. You resent her because she is so resentfull towards you. She's also very selfish about the equallity of responsibility in the house.
I think you have a lot of reasons to not be sexually stimulated. Something else that bothers me is that you feel raped at times. Most people don't understand that it's possible for a woman to do this. In your case I'm sure it has happened. It's more psychological/physical than just physical. If it were me in your situation I would be getting therapy as well, but at the same time I would NEVER allow her to guilt me into having sex. She has to understand your situation and if she really does love you she would be more apt to respect what you are going through and respect your thoughts, feelings, and decisions on the matter.
But like I said before, take her with you to counseling. If after all of that she fails to be a respectful human being than I think you would be better off without having a relationship with her. Just remember to be prepared in all aspects for your daughter.

Oh and to answer your question, No you do not need to be committed.
I'm not sure what happened between you and your cousin and I'm sorry that people have to remind you of that. That would push me more away from my family if they were doing that to me. I'm sure that what happened has a lot to do with your sexuality issues, maybe it's guilt and hate that prevents you from feeling that sexuality. Perhaps you also feel that your wife looks down at you because of that situation that happened, and so with all of the other things that piss you off about her it all combines together. You need to learn how to forgive yourself when others won't. That seems like a hard thing to do, and I'm sure it will take a lot of time. It might be easier to think to yourself that you were a kid when this happened and I personally feel that a lot of those things happen because we are just curious and we assume everyone is curious as well so we don't see anything wrong with it. How can we really understand sex at that age? How can we really understand what affect something like that will have on a person later on in their life? As long as you didn't continue with that type of behavior than you should know that you are not a bad person.

neotom wrote:Let me explain.....

I just reciently been diagnoced with ADD and have been perscribed retilan, adderall xr, and vyance over the past year (not at the same time). Now Im comming down off the vyance at about 2 pm, at 60mg 6am. I use to take 120mg of adderall xr everyday just to stay focused till I got off work. I know ive had a problem all my life, and have issues with my parents for not getting me help. I dont remember what age, but I got caught with my cousin. I remember being in elementery school. Ever sence then my mother has "reminded me" how bad molesting is. Even now, I cower everytime I see my cousin/aunt. She still brings it up whenever some sicko rapes or molestes a woman/girl. She dosent say it straight out, but she looks at me while she says it.

Im 27, and only have sex maybe every 2 months with my wife. I have no problem becomming erect. I know its not the pills, because I have no problem watching porn and masturbating. I get very angry with my wife because she is not a tidy person. I try to keep up the house, but its very hard to do working 40 hrs a week and these pills wear off before i can get moving. Sence we have been together, she has washed her clothing maybe once (I have to wash and put away her cloths). I take care of our daughter most of the time, and do everthing else except cooking (thats the only thing she is good at). When she is off work, she sits and reads/watched tv all day. I tried to motivate her, but dosent work...

Anyways, when she cant stand waiting for me, she tries to force me to want her. I have felt raped several times. I have told her about my past, and it seems to not matter to her. This is actually the second time Ive spoken about it. She still pushes (she even went to my dr with me and asked for Viagra for V-day, which I got more angry and started the script on fire when we got home.) I know that we should be having sex at least twice a week, but I try to explain to her she doesnt know how I feel and whats going on in my head. She tells me to get over it, and she is not my mother. No...s**t...sherlock!

All I can think about when we go to bed is, im not touching you because you wont help me. I do love my wife, because she has helped me in so many other ways. I probably wouldnt of moved out of my parents house, and recieved mental help. Before I met her, I was very prejudice. I do ower her some kinda respect.

When we get in deep discussion (ie fightin), i lock up and cant express myself. I know Ive caused her alot of pain, and dont want to do it anymore. Im in alot of pain, and I dont think I can take much more of it. I know, we are pretty close to getting a divorce, but Im actually trying to get help. I am at my last wits.............

Thanks in advance...

Tom

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