Erectile distinction and Kink

Hi all

I am male in my early 40s. I have been in a monogonous relationship with the mother of my two children for more than 20 years. She is a beautiful woman that l am still very attracted to.

The recent pandemic and associated lockdowns here in Australia took its toll on is both mentally. After speaking about this together about six months ago we both realised we needed more intimacy in the relationship. We actioned this and have never felt closer.

Over the last six months while increasing our intimacy we have been engaging in more sex. Instead of twice a month it turned into 5 times a week. We have both really enjoyed this and has bought out a few submissive kinks especially with me. Some of these include foot worship, pegging and cross dressing. She is very supportive of these activities.

Unfortunately in the last few months this has taken its physical toll with my sexual performance starting to suffer with my erection becoming less reliable, we are now having sex twice a week.

I'm not sure if this counts as erectile disfunction but I wonder if the problem is more than a physical and mentally connected to these new kinks?

Thanks Q

Hello and welcome!

Unfortunately, Kink/Fetish are outside of the scope of allowable subjects in Psych Forums; however as this is ancillary to the problem you're having, we can at least mention them as possible reasons for the erectile issues.

I've never heard of anything like that, contributing to erectile dysfunction, in and of themselves. If they are, could it be that you're thinking of yourself as less masculine, and that is having an indirect affect on your erections? Your kinks do seem to be leading towards what I'd call submissive sissyfication, and that might be having a subconscious effect on you.

I think a good litmus test for erection function, would be to take note of if morning erections are still happening to the frequency and degree, to which they have been. I myself have quite a bit of performance anxiety (I have boy bits), but in the mornings, I frequently wake up hard- I know I'm capable of erections, it's just in the presence of others I have a problem. However, I am older, and my erections aren't quiet as enthusiastic as when I was in my 20s, 30s, even 40s.

Or heck, maybe it's just too much sex. You're not 20 anymore. We start slowing down when we get up into our forties, I think. At least, I began to slow down. Testosterone loss is a pretty gradual thing for most of us, but not all of us. If you're having trouble with erections, and especially if you're not having as many spontaneous morning erections, I think I'd look into getting my T level checked, if it is a concern for you. I think I have low T- I'm in my late fifties and have even had a few hot flashes, etc. I'm not bothered by the idea, however. Well, except for the hot flashes- those are quite unpleasant...

Thanks for the reply. All of what you have said makes sense. My initial gut feel is that we were just over doing it. My morning erections are still present and mentally I am very interested in sex.


Thanks again