Does anyone else sh with severe sexual repression?

TW: cutting, sh (self-harm), triggering words engraved on skin


This past month I’ve been starting to let myself feel sexual thoughts without thinking so much about it, but it has left me feeling extremely confused and terrified. I grew up in an extremely religious household that was very repressed. There’s this boy I think I fancy at my work, but I’m not used to these feelings and part of me wonders if what I’m feeling is real. It’s gotten to the point where I could barely eat or sleep, and I scratched the words “######6 whore” with a small sharp object on my left thigh.

I struggle with a lot of severe self-hatred, so even if a guy truly likes me and treats me well, I want to shake him and yell “what’s wrong with you? You’re not supposed to be kind to me.” It’s very odd and honestly I don’t know what’s going on with me.

I just want to know if I’m not alone in this, and I do see a therapist every week for this, so I’m not completely in the dark with this.

So you feel as if you're not supposed to have an attraction?

Yes and no.

I’m not comfortable saying it all on here, and I think it would be easier if I could pm about it.

While we do ask people not get too graphic, this is a forum for sexuality- and anonymous- but no one's asking you to share more than you're comfortable with, in open forum. I understand the reticence- it took me a while to be comfortable in forum, back in the day.