I have a question for men

Do you fantasize about touching your partner's body without his/her consent? Like, have you ever carassed yourself while imagining yourself carassing a woman against her will?

-- Mon May 27, 2019 10:05 pm --

Because I have. I imagined myself carassing a man while he was saying "no, stop it". And even though he told me to stop, I didn't. And it turned me on.

-- Mon May 27, 2019 10:08 pm --

My psychiatrist said it's normal to fantasize this kind of thing but I don't think it's normal to fantasize about sexual harassment?

I think the prevalence of this type of fantasy, and the appeal, is due to the fantasy being under the person's absolute control, so there is no trauma involved. Whereas in real life in these situations, the person doesn't have absolute control, so there is real fear, stress and trauma. So it's a very different thing.

Also I think in most healthy fantasies, even if they are about overriding objections or being non-consensual, the underlying assumption is that the other person will or does enjoy the encounter (consent is implied by the outcome). My guess is this is what your psychiatrist has in mind when he/she says they are common. Of course this is a bad form of moral reasoning, that should never apply to real life. Most people seem to understand this.

This may be more true for men, for whom society seems to value the conquest of women, as being a valued and desirable characteristic. In women it isn't viewed the same way or viewed by society as desirable. Men are suave, women are loose. Unfair but that's how society views it.

If a person is fantasizing about actually hurting someone or enjoying their fear or torment or trauma, then that is something very different as well. That would fall outside the realm of healthy fantasy.

It's healthy and I would do the same thing as you

To answer your question as brutally honest as I can be… YES!
I am a fifty year old male, who has been sexually abused, molested and raped many times by several different people.
The first was my 16yo second cousin when I was 7. He made me perform sexual acts on my. Female first cousin (who was more like my sister).
After that the 15yo son of a neighbor along with his 17 and 18yo friends sexually abused me by making me perform oral sex on them one at a time, with one of them occasional performing oral sex on me. Sometimes three or four times a week for four years. (Meaning at the end I was only11 but the oldest guy was 22!)
When I was 18, I had a very serious girlfriend whom I was very much in love with, While my girlfriend was at work, I went to a friends party. A girl was interested in me, (being British in Miami, in the 1980’s made me very popular with women/girls) she was very cute but I am not a cheater and I told her that I had never cheated, and I wasn’t going to start tonight. She seemed to accept it, but asked me for a ride to work. During the drive, she began fondling my penis over my jeans. I pleaded with her to stop, but she kept saying that my mouth may be saying no, but my erection is “proving that I want her”. I told her “I’m 18, I get an erection if the wind changes direction! However my level or arousal was rapidly increasing, and it was getting harder to say no. I kept moving her hand off me, but she just put it back. Each time I’d let her hand stay just a few seconds longer. Then she put her hand down my pants, and the second her hand touched my penis, there was no way I could say no any more. She massaged my penis for a few minutes as I begged her to stop, then unbuttoned my jeans and used her mouth on me! I kept pleading with her to stop, and told her I was close to cumming, she won, just please stop before I cum! She didn’t, and I came in her mouth. She swallowed it and asked “does your girlfriend do that”? I told her no, and she replied “Then I guess I’m better than her!” I felt worse than $#%^! When I came, we were in sight of the store she worked at. When she got out, she said “oh, and you can’t EVER say that you have never cheated again… you just did, but if you become my boyfriend it won’t count”! (Which is silly, of course it would count as cheating, IF it was cheating and not the sexual battery that it was!)
Anyway, after that if it was ever late and dark, and a beautiful woman was alone, perhaps heading to her car. I used to think how easy it would be to just kidnap and rape her, or to drag her around to the back of the building and rape her right there. Sometimes I would see a woman and fantasize about forcing her into my car and making her remove her panties and give them to me, and I would reward her compliance by going down on her and giving her an orgasm! There were things like when I worked weekends, I would drive to one of the luxury apartments and watch the 20 somethings sunbathing and fantasize about somehow getting them in my car and making them blow me. Obviously I would never have done anything like that, because the last time I had a fantasy like that was twenty years ago, and I hve never harmed any woman… EVER! There’s more, but I doubt they would make it past the mods!
I believe it was my psyche trying to regain some sense of power or control. I understand how damaging childhood sexual trauma is, but for me I must have dealt with that somehow, or repressed the negative effects, but the woman who just took my control of my body without so much as a single threat or restraint really affected me. The ease with which she just took my bodily autonomy, and did exactly to me whatever the ###$ she wanted… that really hurt me, it totally screwed me up! To this day I worry about something like that happening again! Therefore I try. To avoid any situation where I’m alone with a woman whom either I’m attracted to, or a woman who’s attracted to me