I cum in a matter of seconds

Hello all,

Especially recently, I have been very stressed about my sex drive and performance. I am a 21 year old male, very late bloomer when it comes to sex and such. When I was 18 I was in a relationship with a girl. We were together for a pretty long time, but never had sex. Deep down sex has always been something I want when I am alone and thinking about it, but in the moment I just couldnt get going. I could rarely get hard around her, and when I did, it was almost like I couldn't focus on all of the sensory stimulation enough to stay erect. To some extent I was afraid of embarrassing myself. i do struggle with confidence issues.

When I realized I had a hard time getting it up for girls, I started to question my sexuality. I realized that I am to some extent very attracted to guys. Honestly, everything is attractive about guys to me aside from their penises. I have never been attracted to dick. Anyways, I started seeing a guy and we would makeout and it was the first time I had kissed a guy. I was 20 years old and he was older. It was definitely easier to get hard when starting to get intimate with a guy. But I noticed I was never fully erect, enough to penetrate. For the longest time this individual wanted to have sex and I kept saying I wasn't ready for various reasons. 1) I would often lose my boner when I was touched a certain way, like a tickle on my back or neck. Places that usually feel good and strengthen the boner completely kill mine. 2) I am so ashamed that I typically cannot help but ejaculate within 30 seconds of arousal. That second part is the hardest part. I know that qualifies for premature ejaculation by a long shot, but I would just love to be able to please a partner for a long period of time without these hiccups. Everytime I would get close to cumming I would tell him to stop sucking my dick or giving me a hand job because I was too ashamed to cum in front of him or anyone (I also dont cum too much).

We ended up making out one day and he grabbed a condom and put it on my cock. We were literally just making out and my penis was against his leg for a little while and I ended up orgasming into the condom. I was so ######6 embarrassed I wanted to hide. I stopped making out with him and my breath was heavy. He started rolling the condom off of me and noticed the cum inside. In a judgemental tone, he said, "Did you just cum!?". I said "NO!?" as quick as I could and my face was beat red. He hadnt mentioned it for a while but I was still so embarrassed.

Months passed and we stopped seeing eachother. He messaged me one day in an angry fit saying "Btw I can't believe you came instantly you need to go to a ######6 doctor and get yourself checked out" and I was even further ashamed and embarrassed. i feel like I will never be able to have sex and I want to so bad I could almost cry about it. Does anyone have any ideas for help?

Please and thank you, I am really upset about this.

OMG what a rude thing to tell you!!!

And you have no concept of the term, 'late bloomer', you're a child compared to how late I bloomed.

If you don't have much experience with others, you're going to cum quickly. Period- enough said. My first time at intercourse (with a girl) it may have lasted a minute.

I would have been tickled and amused (in a good way- I'm a bi guy, btw) if you'd cum against my leg, and thought it precious and sweet. Why on Earth would I be offended? Making people cum is fun...and think of the fun we'd have trying to lengthen your endurace

As far as the erections... for me, the least bit of performance anxiety just about guarantees a boner-killer. If you let any sort of worrying about you meeting someone's expectations inside your head, it can really deflate things in a hurry. And it's really hard to get your mind out of that zone. I totally sympathise. Any time I feel as if my erection is required... then it's gone.

The bad part is, I didn't used to be that way.

The best I can do is manage to sometimes get enough out of my head, and into the moment. Even if it means thinking about something as far as removed from sex, as I can. Sometimes it's easier than others. For me (and for a number of posters, I think) kissing, foreplay, etc., it's all there and good, but when it gets time to actually stick it in something, well... boom, it's gone. Unless I can stay really out of my head. Funnily that even applies to like cam or even just trying to take a naughty selfie. That feeling of having to meet expectations. I suspect part of the solution, is throwing out this feeling of being obligated to do anything but just have fun with whatever happens. And have an understanding partner that isn't going to get stressed out by any direction you go in.

AFAIC what they messaged you was entirely inexcusable and mean. We are not all the same, and some things only come thru familiarity. The more you're sexual with others, I think the less quickly you'll cum. In another recent thread, the practice of edging came up, that might be a good idea. I used to spend hours edging back in the day, when I was younger. Certainly if I were your partner, that's the fun I was thinking of when I mentioned doing fun things to increase time before orgasm. This doesn't have to be something to throw in someone else's face- it can turn into a fun game. Far as I'm concerned, a guy who throws that in your face isn't worth being with.