Sexually inhibited, I recently discovered.

Hello everyone,

I am William, 26, and I think I need help.

I discovered that, though I still have plenty of sexual desire, I am sexually inhibited.

The story is a bit strange perhaps: I've had some girlfriends. The last relationship is 2 years ago, and hurt. A lot. My trust in other people, in general, was damaged. The girl I had a relationship with had issues with commitment, even though I did not want that from her. Sexually it was a great relationship, she was quite inhibited, but back then I was very free and open, friendly and understanding. And very willing.

I fell in love, deeply. The day I did, she broke up. It doesn't surprise me afterwards: she was quite sensitive, and must have noticed it. She left, said she felt connected, loved me, but was not in love. When I wanted to leave, she grabbed me and kissed me, this was in the park, it lasted quite a while.

I was very confused after this. I was very giving in the relationship, and since the relationship felt good, it came as a surprise. Afterwards, I discovered she had been gossiping a lot- she did mention it once or twice -and basically, that is how she came to the conclusion to end it. She also cheated: but I didn't mind. I am not a jealous type.

This really messed up my trust. I was also angry at women in general and couldn't date. I was furious in fact, and I have never spoken to her since. I don't know what has happened to her.

Then, I began to meditate. One of the fellow students there hit on me. It was a guy, this is a year ago. Beforehand I already knew that it was probably not something I would like, but I suppose I hadn't had sex in a long time, and thought 'I am done with women.' I will solve it this way.

That did not work. We tried for a while, but after three times, that was it. I liked someone liking me, but I felt incredibly uncomfortable during the sex, if I can call it that. I was very passive during it. In fact, I felt exhausted.

It did make me realize I have a blockage though: I used to feel sexually free. This attempt, with a man, was an effort to rekindle that sense of freedom. But it made me realize, that perhaps the idea is more exciting than the actual thing in real life. I also noticed the tiredness, the exhaustion. And it made me wonder how to deal with this. Spending time with this friend, was good: I don't actually look at men in public, and I suppose that is sort of an indication what is going on too. I still would like a girlfriend, but am frightened and inhibited now. I took a bit of a detour, trying to 'break' the inhibition in a rather extreme way, which I kind of knew wouldn't work: but I have started trusting people again, realizing few people are out to hurt others, be it in a romantic relationship or as friends.

However, I do want to solve this major blockage of love and sexuality because that is what is going on. Directing that sex to the same sex, didn't work. The friend I tried some things with, also noticed it, and since it confused the heck out of me, I think that is no solution. But what is? I am at a loss.

William