Is this normal or am i messed up??

I’ve just turned 18 years old, suffer with depression and aspergers syndrome... and i have always felt an attraction to women that are older than me, it hasnt always been in a sexual way, when i was ages eleven to sixteen it use to be wanting to be looked after by a female, for them to reassure me and comfort me, kind of like a mother in some ways. My mum and my relationship hasn’t always been great, i have a lot of black spaces in my childhood that I cannot remember at all which is frustrating but its hard to say whether this is due to childhood related problems, but now it’s getting to a point I fantasise about women Who are a lot older than me looking after me and basically babying me?? but touching me and doing sexual things to me aswell, it has led to confusion about my sexuality and i just feel really messed up about it, im not really attracted to girls my age but i am some what attracted to guys my age, nothing like females that are older though & i feel like this is a different kind of attraction, more emotional? It’s causing me A LOT of confusion and distress, every time i think about these thoughts im having to do with a woman, i end up in tears and really upset because i want it to happen so bad i know there’s some kind of reason for this but i just cant figure it out Does anyone have an idea what this might be?? I feel way too embarassed about talking to my therapist about this

Try not to be embarrassed and bring this issue us in session. Believe me, therapists have heard this kind of stuff before. If they are a good therapist, they will accept what you bring up and try to help you with it. They are the professionals and may have an explanation you may not have considered. And this subject could be a factor in other aspects of your life.

I had issues myself regarding sex, confusion, relationships. She remarked she knew there were topics I wouldn't bring up for discussion. She jokingly remarked it took me two years to discuss sex related topics. It gave her insights to the reasons why I behaved the way I did at times. Now there is no topic about sex we haven't doscussed. And much of the way I was previously thinking I was erroneously interpreting. Many things that were a problem before have resolved themselves for the mostart.

Hi. i am a mother of a 21 year old Aspergers daughter. I cannot tell you how valuable your thoughts are to me. My daughter is almost completely unable to talk about her sexual thoughts. We both know she has them as she still plays with dolls and it is quite clear in the roll play with her dolls.

If I could give you good advise, it will definitely be to talk to some-one you trust like your therapist.

I think you will be surprised by how normal your thoughts are, do not feel that you are messed up in any way, not matter how crazy and messed up your fantasies are. Aspergers or not, all of us have got taboo fantasies.

So the big question is what to do about your sexuality. Please, do this for me, go see or talk someone you trust immediately! Trust me, this will change your life

Chiming in to let you know there is another person saying this is totally normal. Like the others said talk to your therapist and I highly doubt they haven't heard about or dealt with a patient with these feelings before.