Cannot have sex because of no erection

Hello,
I'm a male in my mid forties.
I've been married for 10 years and always had a terrible sex life. It all started the day I tried to have sex and wasn't able to have an erection. It escalated over the years where my wife would constantly complain that I have no sexual desire. I would stay weeks with no sex and a few years ago I stayed more than a year without even initiating sex or even thinking of it.
My wife had enough and we had very serious discussions and fights where she told me to either fix this issue or leave. I've been trying to have sex afterwards, but cannot even get an erection. This has been going for two years where I cannot even complete sexual intercourse because my penis is never strong enough.
We've tried everything. I went to many doctors and they conducted tests and ultrasounds and found no apparent problem. There was slow blood flow, but doctor said it wasn't bad enough to need medication and did not see any problem. My heart circulation was also tested and everything seemed normal.
I did check my thyroid levels and I found out that I have hypothyroidism and I'm taking medication for it. I didn't see any improvement in my sexual life.
I tried Viagra and it did work, but i cannot stay living on Viagra forever and for every sexual act, plus the big expense. I am always fearing sex because of this.
The strange thing is that I can get an erection when I'm not near my wife. However, once I'm near her or try to have sex, I cannot get an erection. I am faithful, in case anyone was wondering. Sex is never on my mind anyway.

What is going on with me? How can I get a normal erection where I can actually have sexual intercourse.

It seems that the main obstacle is your fear and deeply engraved memories from those times, when everything gone wrong with erection and you keep focusing on it constantly.

You won't overcome this fear by telling or even screaming to your penis - "come on, get up!".......instead.....all you have to do is to visualize your sexual contact before real sex............what are those things that you really would like to do with your wife and that would give you the biggest arousal........how you would like to kiss her - would it be gentle, nasty or playful kiss or sequence of all three....how you would like to look at her....how you would like to look in her eyes......what words you would like to tell her.....with what intonation.....how you would like to show your admiration about your wife's body when you undress her......how you would like to touch her....where you would like to touch her.....how you would like to f**k her......with what intensity.....etc......if you will visualize this all several times before sex......your fear still will be there......but in dramatically smaller amounts........because you'll already know what to do.......

And the most important thing....in each and every moment of sex you must only think (or more precisely - feel deep inside of you) what is the next action that will bring you the biggest sexual pleasure......and just do it......

And one more thing - the above mentioned advice will work only if there aren't some factors directly related with your wife that disturb you mental balance and emotional well-being....by example - bad breath, smell of cigarettes (if she is a smoker), or something else that you don't like........in this case you have to find solution for this at first and only after that to initiate sexual contact....

Simms wrote:Hello,
I'm a male in my mid forties.
I've been married for 10 years and always had a terrible sex life. It all started the day I tried to have sex and wasn't able to have an erection. It escalated over the years where my wife would constantly complain that I have no sexual desire. I would stay weeks with no sex and a few years ago I stayed more than a year without even initiating sex or even thinking of it.
My wife had enough and we had very serious discussions and fights where she told me to either fix this issue or leave. I've been trying to have sex afterwards, but cannot even get an erection. This has been going for two years where I cannot even complete sexual intercourse because my penis is never strong enough.
We've tried everything. I went to many doctors and they conducted tests and ultrasounds and found no apparent problem. There was slow blood flow, but doctor said it wasn't bad enough to need medication and did not see any problem. My heart circulation was also tested and everything seemed normal.
I did check my thyroid levels and I found out that I have hypothyroidism and I'm taking medication for it. I didn't see any improvement in my sexual life.
I tried Viagra and it did work, but i cannot stay living on Viagra forever and for every sexual act, plus the big expense. I am always fearing sex because of this.
The strange thing is that I can get an erection when I'm not near my wife. However, once I'm near her or try to have sex, I cannot get an erection. I am faithful, in case anyone was wondering. Sex is never on my mind anyway.

What is going on with me? How can I get a normal erection where I can actually have sexual intercourse.

Having the exact same issues here. Looking for some kind of support, too embarrassed to see a doctor.