Wife cheated due ED porn habit

ong story short: earlier this year my wife had a 6 month long affair with a younger man (well 4 years younger). I was short 5'7 and overweight 210 lbs, had a terrible porn habit and could only maintain an erection and have an orgasm if my wife acted like a porn star. I forced her to have anal sex and called her names... it got pretty ugly. She finally had enough and decided to have this affair... The guy was much taller (like 6'4) did not watch porn and obviously did not have an ED or porn habit. She finally decided to leave him and try to reconcile with me however she is concerned about our sex life - she wants me to stop watching porn and masturbating and to start exercising more to increase testosterone.

In intervening 6 months I have lost 42 lbs (now 168), began exercising, stopped watching porn and masturbating (for about 1 week now). I have noticed a lot more stimulation in my penis during the day, something I have not felt in years (reminds me of how I felt in junior high trying to hide my chubby in class!). Now that I have lost weight I have noticed that my ejaculations (up until my decision after reconciliation to abstain from masturbation) were much more forceful and copious. I am severely circumcised so that did not help with sensitivity, but I wear a "**** sock" (have now for about 2 years) which protects the head of my penis and has removed a lot of the keratinizing of my glans. I had the snip so we have unprotected sex.

Question: am I on the right track? How long will it take before the ED clears up if I continue with weight loss/exercise/abstaining from porn and masturbation? My wife wants to start having sex again soon.

Sounds like you're going the right direction.

Watching porn and masturbating is not bad. Of course, if you are not overdosing with it. In my opinion more damaging to your libido is forcefully trying to sexually desire only your wife and not looking to other girls……and besides, forceful abandonment of masturbation will also decrease you sexual performance abilities….

You can watch porn and masturbate, but try to do it so that each masturbation session is not longer than 30-60 minutes. And to check, if you are not overdosing with porn, time after time (2-3 times a week) try to masturbate without looking in computer screen. Use only your imagination and your hand and see if you can get erection through this kind of masturbation. If yes, then you can watch porn and it won’t damage your real sexual life. But, if there is a problem to get erection while masturbating using only your imagination, then you have to completely quit looking at porn at least for 1-2 weeks.

And there is nothing wrong in the desire to have rough sex and calling the girls in rude names during sex….. Of course, not every girl will like it, but there are many girls who do (and many even among those who initially say/think/and even believe that they don’t like it….)…. The problem is that most men don’t know how to correctly bring the rough sex topic in their sexual life……so that women are comfortable to accept and enjoy it………

And in your specific case the problem could be that your wife relates this kind of sex with porn you are watching…….and she doesn’t want to be the part of it…… Therefore, all you have to do is to minimize her attention to your porn “problem”……..watch it only when she doesn’t see you doing it…….after each session delete browsing history……do not watch porn if you have plans to have real sex with her in that day, to maintain good sex drive……… and start to gradually bring in the topic of rough sex, but from the perspective that you really like this kind of sex, that you really enjoy it and that it turns you on, that it is just a game and that in everyday life you have respectful and equal attitude (you have not only to say that but show this attitude in everyday situations) towards her…..even if during sex you humiliate her…..

And finally….if she after some time still won’t accept rough sex…then you must find a lover, who likes it…..because no matter what you will do, you will never get the same intensity of ecstasy during nice (boring) sex…… you can pressure yourself to this kind of sex for a while, but in the long term you will not be able to go against yourself and your true desires…....