No sex in 25 years

I am new. I have been married for 42 years. I was 19 and my wife 16. We have two grown children, 3 grand children. Twenty-five years while drunk at a party my wife caught me wife a girl. Since that encounter we stopped all intimacy. At first we would kiss, hug and try to have sex.

I know we should have separated. We grew up together and our love is beyond explanation. As kids were had sex everyday. We tried for years to talk about but it never turned into a solution. One time I told her I masturbated in the shower.

I am starving for touch and oral sex as well. I used porn for the last 40 years. I am on SSD due to an accident which means I am at home. I get a massage each week which has increased my desire to pursue paying for sex. I go to rub and tug massage parlors where the girls allow me to caress their breasts as she massages my genitals until an climax. I feel much better until I remember my wife.

I am beginning to buy private face to face masturbation sessions with the same girl.
I am liked by much younger women in their early thirties. My regular massage therapist is aware of my issue and tells me she understands why I get an erection. We talk about how I could probably find a girl who would be sympathetic to my needs.

My health issues may someday stop my desire or ability to enjoy sex with a living human female.
My situation provides me the time and ability for discretion. After 25 years and 42 years together the sex has evaporated but not or love.