Sexually anorexic

I am twenty four years old and this is a serious problem.

I could be considered attractive and I've had guys interested in me quite often. I've had about three boyfriends but I always run into the same problem. I hate kissing and the idea of having sex with any of the men I could have done fills me with revulsion. When I went on dates I used to be counting down the minutes until they left. Every time they touched me I wanted to tell them to get the hell away from me.

It's not an attraction problem. Some of the men that have approached me have been very attractive but kissing them provokes the same reaction every time. I've kissed a lot of men, and several women too, but all I learned was that the kissing problem was universal and I'm not a lesbian.

I have no problem accepting a kiss from a close friend, a relative or a small child. But once it's an open mouth affair I just get disgusted. I don't think I'll ever be able to have sex if I can't get past this, and what man would want to have sex with me anyway? I want to be married and I desperately want children. Can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks for replying to my sexual aversion disorder post. It sounds like sexual anorexia is just about the same thing. SAD is the one that is recognized by the APA and is the one that is in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). I found an online article about it where the two were distingished and the author said that SAD was more severe. He said that people with SA fail to initiate, but once sex is underway they can enjoy it.

Your case sounds like mine. I just find the act repulsive. I think of it more as ME being repulsive and I don't want to get close to anyone because of it. I can't understand why anyone would want to. Te other thing I worry about is the emotional attachment that would go with sex. I had alcoholic parents and I learned that getting emotionally close to someone will only lead to pain.

I have not even been able to kiss. Just a couple of times, and it was VERY difficult. GERMS GERMS!! I guess that's another part of it. But I let my cat slobber all over me, so I guess it's just people germs that bother me.

It's too bad that desensitization does not seem to work with you. It has usually worked with me. Gradual exposure to my fear usually helps me overcome it. That's how I did it with driving. I think I should be able to do it with sex. All I have to do is find a woman who will be willing to help. I don't know what to do in your case. You are only 24 - that is good. You have time to get over this. I feel like my time is running out. Actually, I feel like it already has - woman don't show interest in me anymore.

There is another group in a website called ivillage (like a virgin) where a lot of virgins discuss problems - mainly they are younger women. But several are older than you. I post there as a40yearoldvirgin. Good name, eh? [/url]

I have never heard of this problem. Is it only a problem because you want children or is it because you want to enjoy it?

Maybe if it is that you want to enjoy it then i suspect it could be something that you can overcome in time - Do you ever have the feeling of lust and really wanting to kiss someone or even have sex with someone?


If none of the above is true and you really just dont like it, like i just dont like mushrooms and feel i never will.......just accept it and stop thinking about it because it is obviously doing your head in.

As for children there are other ways of becoming pregnant other than the natural way...but its finding the partner i suppose???? Thats the catch.

I don't think I could bring a baby into the world without a father as well as a mother. Children need a strong male influence in their lives.

I want to enjoy it and God knows I've tried. I've ordered a book on the subject so hopefully things will improve soon but it's coming slowly so I'm anxious.

Thank you both for replying. I know some day I will be able to have sex because I'm kinda cute and I've got interested men, but seeing if they'll stick with me when they learn about my problem is tricky. I've lost five boyfriends because of this.

Oh well if you do really want to enjoy it then your pretty much there. Maybe you need to engage in the activity more often ( i mena kissing) to try and get used to it then move on to other things


But dont make to much of an issue out of it ( my opinion) maybe read my post on the problems im facing and how im almost getting over it:

http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=102759#102759

You will get over it.

I don't quite undrestand why do you want to enjoy it?
I mean, I don't like cheese, I don't eat cheese, heh. Why would I force myself to do womething I don't wanna do?
So, I don't have any interest in sex myself, and yeah I would find it a bit disgusting. And would I want to force myself to like it? No way.
But, you're obviously different, and I would be interested to hear why you want to like it so bad.

One of the main reasons I want to enjoy it is because I want to have children, but I also feel like a big part of my life would be missing without it.

It's funny you make the cheese analogy. I absolutely adore cheese and I couldn't live without it, half of my diet would be out the window. And it's not like I don't have any sexual desire at all, it's more like I have a fear of intercourse. I always think 'if the kissing is bad, the sex will be worse!' And all the kissing has been bad.

I just find it horribly frustrating - thinking about it and wanting it. But if an opportunity presents itself the anxiety overcomes all urges. Then I feel sick at missing out afterwards. And from offending a woman. It is just HORRIBLE.

so.. guess what?! it will have been 14 days tomorrow and no pot for me.. It has been 4 years of smoking pot every day all day long for me so this is pretty amazing for me. Anyway it feels great. The strange things is everything seems better.. the sunset looks prettier.. music sounds better who would have guessed?? Definitely not me. Anyway I also quit taking adderall for the same amount of time. I still get urges almost everyday to do both but I am happy to be gaining my old self back more and more each day. However I am still extremely tired a lot of days and feel slow because I did take 60 mg of adderall for about 2 years. So my biggest issue now is that I am gaining weight. My bulimia which had slowed greatly has been coming back into my life once again. I feel fat all of the time and eat all of the time. It is what I do now that I don't smoke to get rid of my pain. It is my new hobby. The thing is the only time I would throw up while i was smoking/ taking adderall was when I accidentally had eaten too much and felt uncomfortable however now I'm back to my old ways of eating way too much on purpose all of the time and I try not to throw up all of the time but then my self hatred and disgust grows. I want to start taking adderall again despritely and loose the weight I have gained. Thank you for saying I was probably underweight and should gain some weight I know its probably part of my sick thinking but that made me feel better. I am not under weight at all now and don't think I was before I was just thin which is a good thing.. not too thin. Any how its just when I'm on adderall I just focus on getting EVERYTHING done and then I stress out because I am a complete perfectionist and adderall just increases those tendencies by a million times. The down side here is that I stress out and don't make any time to even talk to anyone not my family not my friends.. its all about getting everything done. Since I work at a day care this doesn't really work in the childrens favor as I just clean and clean and don't even "have the time" to listen to what the children have to say. Anyway my best friend who is my ex.. absolutely hates when I take adderall and insists that I never take it again.. so I haven't been but today like most days he had another out break and threw a health forum fit so I REALLY want to take it tomorrow.. I go to Ireland in 13 days and then back to school 5 days after that and really want to look good and because I was pretty thin for me last year I really do'nt want to be one of those girls people say.. LOOK how fat she's gotten.. AHH I try to work out but by the time I get home from work ( i work every day all day) I am so tired / full I don't feel like working out.. which adderall helped with too.. AHH tahnks for the advice so far its been wonderful obviously I still need a little help.. oh and theres one more aspect of life I'm struggling with.. I can't have an orgasm never have.. dont' know how and I'm not sure I really even enjoy sex.. my mom was sexually abused and raped many times and by people that I have been around my whole life.. i have no memories of abuse but am starting to wonder.. i mean sex is nice.. some times I just wish i could be normal the weird thing is I think it gives me a gross feeling a lot of the time and have heard bulimia is related to sexual abuse... i have never masturbated and I'm 20.. I know this is weird.. I wish despritely for a normal sex life.. I feel as though it will greatly hinder my ability to have a normal relationship.. I can only have sex when under the influence of alcohol to actually really enjoy it.