Please help considering suicide ED 27

Can someone please help me please, i know this will be a lot to read but I've never felt more alone in my entire life, sometimes I feel like I'm already dead and in hell because of the way this all happened...please if you have the time I'm begging anyone to read my story and give me any insight please I know it's a lot to read but I just wanted to put everything out there so I could maybe get the most helpful responses, please please if you can find the time to try to help me, I had so much passion and wonderful things to look forward to in life and now I feel like suicide is the only way out...

I'm 27 years old it is now the end of October 2016, ED for me started in July of 2015. To get to the root of that I need to explain that I met my current girlfriend in 2012. We met, slept together, and both almost immediately fell in love, but because of my past with girls cheating on me and being scared I refused to date her but absolutely couldn't help falling in love with her. She is a special education teacher with the most beautiful face and eyes that absolutely radiate the most love for the world you could imagine, you could see her on a crowded room and it is like nobody else is there because she is just so breath taking. Alongside that she understood how I felt and we made this dreadful unwritten unspoken pact to basically spend every waking moment together but not date, and to see other people until I was ready. Because she always through day one maintained that she was always ready to settle down with me and only wanted me. So through the years leading up to mid 2015, I slept with two other girls and in the end she ended up just waiting for me until finally from February to July of 2015...sleeping with another guy she had known a long time...which absolutely destroyed me...I wasn't mad because she didn't do anything wrong but I immediately realized how wrong I was for dragging her through this and not realizing and seizing the most beautiful gift life had ever given me...so I asked her to date me and she immediately did and stopped seeing him...but ever since then I have had steadily worsening problems with ED...at first it was a problem every few times we had sex which I seriously believe was just performance anxiety because oral, copulation, masturbation, and when she would give me footjobs (I have a huge foot fetish I know it's weird, whatever mengggg) would all go fine...but after the months wore on...steadily everything began to decline...I couldn't stay hard sometimes through oral...then almost never...then never...then the same with handjobs after a few more months...then the same with footjobs after a few more months...then the same with sex after a few more months...then about 3 months ago I started taking cialis and it worked wonderful...but after a month I had to up the dose...then a few weeks and I couldn't stay hard through oral but aex was fine...then the last few times we had sex about 15 seconds into it I just went limp and couldn't get it back...when I masturbate not on cialis I get fully erect for about 30 seconds to two minutes at the absolute most and then start to go limp and it's extremely hard to get it back...when I do get back to fully erect I notice that when I stop stimulating it...it takes exactly 3 seconds for it to start quickly noticibly shrinking, when I masturbate on cialis I can usually stay hard the whole time but nothing sexual with her works...and I notice that if we try to have sex and it doesn't work and I obviously get extremely upset...if I go to masturbate after that it's like I'm not even on the pill, which suggests some degree of psychological reasoning...whenever I can't have sex with her all I can think about and picture is my angel and the love of my life sleeping with that other guy...it's the most terrible feeling I've ever had on my life...I know i could get over it if we could have a normal sex life, but this is absolutely ruining my whole life...I wouldn't say I have depression but then again I don't know about depression...all I know is I lost my job, I'm losing all my money, I can't sleep more than two hours at a time yet i can't get out of bed, I'm literally in bed 20 hours a day watching the world pass me by and wishing I could be picking up my sweetheart and seining her in circles and making things for her and watching movies and making love and showing her that I love her more than life itself every second of every day...I can't be a boyfriend when I can't make love to my girlfriend...I can't work, I can't sleep I could never be a father and we want a family so bad...she's amazing and is supporting me any way she can but I know that if I can't get back to normal that I won't be able to break this sadness and won't be able to work or have a family or be the type of boyfriend I need to be...the love of my life is going to leave and fall in love with someone else...I need to fix this ED...I have been to 3 primary cares and two urologists that all did the same blood work...cholesterol is a bit high, testosterone was at 438 nine months ago and just below 600 three months ago they all say to me "your too young for this, it's anxiety and depression causing this" until finally I went into the city to see an ED specialist, after a few meetings he decided to do an ultrasound test to measure blood inflow and outflow, they gave me an injection to induce an erection and it didn't work, it gave me about a 30% erection and nothing else...I have to go back in a month and a half to have a bunch of injections and numbing agents put in my penis for 20 minutes or so because I was scared to do it initially when the first injection didn't work for cause of a venous leak or something...the doctor isn't very reassuring he's very in and out yes or no black or white ...all the doctors have been that way none seem to care about my problem just to get it and out and get paid which makes me feel more alone, I have been to one therapist who didn't help and I'm going to try another but I don't see how any magic words could fix this problem. Also as physical information my whole life since I was 16 I was at heavy heavy drinker...I would party a few times a week and always be the one at the party to drink half the handle of whiskey and still be standing, I would also smoke cigarettes and weed only while drinking which still was a few times a week, I'm 6ft 175 with a pretty huge beer gut....a few years ago I was about 165 solid muscle and extremely lean, partying hard in 2014 led to the weight gain, then in 2015 when this ED struck I started smoking a pack or so a week, drinking less but still a few times a month, and being in bed 20 hours a day, going days without eating. I don't know if also porn indiced Ed could be part of the problem because ive always masturbated a lot since a young age, I'd say usually at least once a day to three times a day, buut since this started happening I would masturbate 6-7 times a day just to see if I could keep it up

Please someone help me...I'm losing everything I ever cared about in my life right as I gained the most beautiful gift life could ever offer...I can't live with being limp and not being able to make love to my girlfriend...I can't watch her try and try and try to be there for me and feel so helpless, I can't watch her finally give up because I can't work and be a normal boyfriend and take her out and be happy...I can't do that, I watched myself drive her into another
Mans arms once and it was the worst mistake I ever made I should've married her the day I met her but I'm over that now I can't keep feeling guilt but this ED just won't go away no matter what it just keep getting exponentially worse and worse can somebody please please try and help me all I can think to do is end my life, please somebody help