Way Too Affectionate

My wife, friends, and family are all reaching out to me to get help for my problem. Bottom line, I expect way too much affection from my spouse.

I'm a man, she's a woman, and we've been married for 21 years. Six months after we first met, we had occasional sex (once every two or three weeks). Then it faded away, completely. That's OK by both of us, we are not sexually active by choice.

But my wife won't even let me touch her. She demands that when we go out that I hold her hand. Other than that, she freaks out at the thought of me touching her in any way. We sleep in the same bed, but if I accidently touch her arm or leg, she freaks out, wakes me up, and demands I move over.

All I want to be able to do is maybe kiss her goodnight, or just lightly touch her hair once in awhile, but to no avail. People I discuss this with tell me I'm way too demanding and to just leave my wife alone. They literally call me a sexual deviant, which really hurts.

What can I do to abate my feelings?

hmm. That's a very unique situation you got there sir. And i think the solution is simple. A time away from each other makes a person reboot and reassess the feelings they have on their significant other.
Do you have children? Is she stressed out at work or household chores? Maybe she's seeing you around so much that she "unknowingly" takes you for granted because in her mind she knows you're just around...

Away times from a long relationship works for me. I usually feel extra pampered by my wife after being away for a week or a month.

That song lyric "even lovers need a holiday far away from each other"... do it!

i hope it works.

Goodluck!