Asexual due to serious unresolved issues.. any advice?

I don't know with whom I should talk about this problem which turchurse me for almost a decade and drained all my "energy" to the point that I now believe that I am a clinical depressed maybe seriously clinically depressed.

In fact I even started to losing my hair and get white hair because of my stress and depressed state (while I am a middle 20s male who had profoundly thick hair to the point that everybody including strangers commenting on how thick and strong my hair is also I don't have any relatives that suffer from hair loss my father for example is 60 now and just got a few white hair and has no hair loss... also my body is healthy... so i feel that all this is a result of my stress and depression and later on -while already having that instinct- I read that stress and depression can cause such reactions I also have a friend (30yo) who recently lost his son in an accident and went within a year from black hair to totally white/gray hair anyway that's not the main problem of mine I just wanted to mention it, I am depressed don't judge me )


My issue is that until my last relationship I desired women A LOT I mean I had sexual thoughts about them like every other thought...

In order to get a full erection it's only enough to be next to a woman in closed quarters


but my body was not made for sex as it seems....

I suffered-er from phimosis and frenulum breve (which I partially "overcame" when I had my first sexual contact and got my skin ripped and bleeding during the trial and then went to a hospital to knit the cut)

I dont know why (if it's psychological or pathological) but despite my desire for women I almost don't feel nothing and mostly feel mild sensations of irritation or pain in my genital area during sex (I don't have any STD)

In other words masturbading and thinking of women while doing that (although again almost not satisfying since I only feel a small satisfaction when I ejaculate and this satisfactions lasts for like 1 to 2 seconds....) is much more pleasurable for me than having sex with a woman.


and as I said what little satisfaction there is (in terms of signals/sensations coming from my penis to my brain) is during this 1 to two second window of the ejaculation and its nothing even that feeling isn't anything to brag about -I get more intense satisfaction when scratching an itchy part of my body than when ejaculating -


I mostly get pleasure from psychological reasons while having sex (because I "dominated" that woman and she accepts me and does as I please ) and from caressing her body parts with my hands etc... but as I said my penis and genital genital area doesn't feel much during sex


and if that wasn't enough I have a relative small penis (~12cm ) and while it's easy for me to get a 100% erection it's hard for me to sustain a 100% erection half of the times

it's not that I get flacid I just am not solid hard it's like an 80%-90% erection still am able to easily penetrate but my penis feels "squishy" instead of hard.


I also get exhausted in like 5 to 10 minutes IF I don't ejaculate earlies..

yes that's the other problem...

Despite I don't get any satisfaction or feeling (almost as if I was wearing those special condoms that numb the skin of your penis) for some reason I ejaculate within ~3 to 4 minutes.....

I think I never lasted more than ~7 minutes although I never stop watched myself but surely even if once every 100 times I managed to make a record it wouldn't be more than 10 minutes


90% of the time I ejaculate in less than 4 minutes (when I masturbate I ejaculate in less than 1 minute!!!! and again while masturbading I dont feel anything... I cant reason as to why I finish so fast)

I had an irritate scrotum after a running session and I swear to God scratching that area with my fingers was like 1000 times more pleasurable than what I feel during sex!!!!

If every time I entered a vagina with my penis I had 1/10th of the pleasurable sensation I had when scratching my scrotum that day I would be like the most happy person on planet earth... I would feel as if I was in paradise...


sadly that doesn't happen


And because of that women don't get satisfied by me either... and the bad psychological mood caused to me by the above facts don't help either...

And the above led me to my current position not having had sex for about 4 years... and there were big intervals (of like 6 months or more) where I didn't even masturbate... there was simply no reason too much trouble for nothing (a 1-2 seconds small satisfactory sensation )

My penis stopped to get spontaneously hard as well...

Although when I masturbate (mostly to make sure that my penis still somehow "works"... and remember that I am a male... ) I feel for some reason the desire to masturbate again and get again spontaneously hard during the day

I also like to watching porn but I don't even am able to enjoy even that because the porn lasts much time (even a "favorite" scene on a said porn video) and I can't masturbate during that.. because as I said I ejaculate in less than a minute (although I don't suffer from pre ejaculation problems I have to masturbate for a good 20 seconds or more in order to ejaculate sometimes I brake the one minute barrier but it's certainly less than 2... and when I had sex I needed at least 2 minutes of going in and out to ejaculate)

So even like a 1 minute scene where the girl gets f****d exactly as I would like to f***k her I can't enjoy because the scene lasts for like 1 minute and will have already finished in half of that time..

watching those guys with bigger dicks than mine that can last for like 30 minutes + non stop doesn't help either....

I feel so inadequate...


It got to a point that when a girl seems to have a slight interest in me I just pretend I don't notice it...

I just sometimes chat with girls that I find from date apps just to remember how it is to talk with a prospect sexual partner.. but as soon as they want to meet me up close I just hesitate and stop talking to them...

and I am not concerned with my looks I upload real photos of me... it's just that I know that it will lead to nothing... we will have sex for one time... or less than 10 and in all of them I won't get any satisfaction and she will get minimal compared to what she could get with another guy....


If at least I would be able to be solid hard and last more than 4 minutes I would keep having sex just for the psychological satisfaction of being able to satisfy women .. no matter if I karnaly dont feel much during sex.... but I can't get even that...



I went to a urologist that appeared to be highly qualified doing operations with robotic arms calling himself a sexologist and antrologist...

and when I said the above to him he laughed at me saying that I don't have anything (he just touched my scrotum and asked me to couff he didnt do any other kind of test)



I posted similar messages in a few relevant forums during these years but I didn't get any response ...

I don't even know to whom to talk about this... to my friends... no way (btw I pretend to be eccentric supposedly due to my last breakup so that they don't ask me why they don't see me with a girlfriend 3 years now.. )

To an urologist ... 1) I am afraid because of my last experience 2) it so happens that I am dirt poor as well so I can't afford paying doctor visits until I find one that won't laugh at me... I paid 200 euro to the guy that laughed at me btw...

If it is psychological should I talk to a psychiatrist or a psychologist? But again I am concerned since I suppose I need to visit them multiple times so the money issue pops up again... If I could fix this though I would die a happy man to be honest and don't feel like I am a soulless purposeless body wasting oxygen... So I suppose it's worth it... I don't know...

I know that there is nothing to be done for my predicament but I would appreciate a response especially if it is from a psychologist or another doctor.. So if you have an acquaintance who meets those criteria please feel free to forward that message to him and post his response here I would apreciate it a lot.