opening a can of worms.

Hi everyone! This is my first post on this forum. I'm a 27 year old male. I started this post for the sole purpose of figuring out my sexuality, but as I typed it out, I realized that there was more. For anyone who has the patience to read through, your insight and guidance will be greatly appreciated.

In my early developmental years I was raised by my extremely religious and conservative grandparents who did not often speak of such things as sexuality (however, little hints lead me to believe that they have a healthy sex life). In fourth grade, I changed gears to go live with my single mother. She was fairly poor, over protective, and had been jaded towards men due to many poor past relationships.
I would always visit my grandparents over the holidays and both my grandparents and my mother have irrational fears that led them to be overprotective. Due to this, i led a very sheltered life with few friends and hardly any real connections with others.

Now, I'm 27. I still struggle with having connections with others. I attempt to search understanding and awareness, but I am often foiled by my own narrow-mindedness and inability to keep from judging others, and fear of rejection from others. I truly wish to appreciate all walks of life in the human experience.

I'm also having trouble with sexuality. I have a high sex drive and I am drawn to others of the same disposition, but I am ashamed of my own desires and I often judge others for their sexuality. I desperately want to accept myself and others so that I can have a healthy sexual relationship with myself and them.

I think a lot of how you're feeling probably does have to do with your upbringing, which is not a bad thing by any means.

Have you ever had an actual relationship with someone? This could also affect how you feel towards sexuality because you just haven't been exposed to those experiences. And no matter how open minded someone is, we are all slightly judgemental so don't beat yourself up about that.

What do you think your sexuality is, or what is it that you are struggling with specifically?

It sounds to me like you are suffering from anxiety due to your experiences as a child. Childhood is an extremely important time for human development and your experiences as a child can shape who you become later in life. Luckily, the mind and the body are pretty flexible and this is something you can overcome. Your issue will not be an easy thing to overcome, but it is possible if you are willing to make an effort and really try. I think you could really benefit from meeting with a therapist or psychologist for an hour on a bi-weekly basis (twice per month). You may have to try a few different therapists out before you find the right one. Another thing you could try is transcendental meditation in the morning and during the afternoon which can help you clear your mind on a daily basis; over time I believe this can help relieve many issues that may have developed through childhood experiences. I also think it would help to work on your tendency to judge others which probably contributes to your self-conscious feelings about others judging you. It is only natural that if you are harshly judging those around you, that you would worry about others doing the same to you. Just work on being a down to earth person, not worrying about what others think of you, and just being you. Nobody is perfect and that is one of the beautiful things about life, everyone has something different to contribute. You will never find the perfect person, you need to love others regardless of their flaws. Good luck! Just a quick disclaimer to cover myself: This is not medical advice, if you would like medical advice please seek a licensed professional, if you are experiencing an emergency dial 911 immediately. LOL