Situational Retarded Ejaculation

Hi, I am a 34 year old man suffering from Delayed Ejaculation. I have recently looked online for causes and possible cures, but there does not seem to be a silver bullet available.

A little about my past...

My first sexual encounter was in 12th grade with a girl who had already had multiple partners, and was much more experienced than me. I orgasmed very fast, and she made it clear she was very dissatisfied with my performance. Needless to say, I did not feel like much of a man. I never had sex with her again.

This was the 1st and last time I ever finished in a hurry. I made it a point to go the distance with every partner since then. At first this was fine since I could usually finish about the time I wanted too, even if I did have to put some extra effort into achieving orgasm.

I must mention that from a young age I feel I had an above average sex drive, and would masturbate frequently with the aid of pornography. This is some thing that continues to plague me till this day, and the Porn/self stimulation and D.E. were factors in my divorce.

I am in pretty good shape and have always attracted what I consider to be VERY attractive women, I know the cause of my condition is not the pretty girl who I am watching as she has multiple orgasms while I am struggling to have just one. At the same time I do not resent the fact that they are satisfied and I am not, but they do find it disturbing that they are some how unable to make me come to a climax.

I can finish by my self with no problem, and almost always have to do so once they leave.

I am not in a committed relationship, but do have good out of the bedroom relationships with some of them. I can have intercourse with a women I like in all ways inside and out side of the bedroom, yet I still find it extremely difficult to reach orgasm with a partner. The same problem occurs with one nite stands.

I view sex as a good thing shared between 2 people which should be mutually enjoyed.

I do not believe sex is bad, dirty, and was not raised with such beliefs.

Having sex with a person who I consider a friend does not detract from the sexual experience at all.

I recently had sex with a person who I have been interested in for quite some time, we get along great, had great foreplay before actual intercourse began, but I was still unable to orgasm. I took 3-5 days away from porn/masturbation, we spent a day together with better and longer foreplay than the 1st date, but I was still unable to orgasm with her. After i dropped her off i had no problem achieving climax by my self, I did not use porn, all I had to do was remember what happened earlier that day. She was blown away by the experience, but was also sore. i care for this person very much, and do not want this to be a problem hor her, or for my self any more.

After reading that partners may like the long sex at 1st, but then get frustrated, and sore from the long sessions, as well as to enjoy sex for my self (which I do very much except the missing climax) I am here to look for some answers, and more importantly help.

Thank you.

Erectile Dysfunction (inability to sustain erection) is a very common disorder which most men face in there life at some stage for one reason or the other like high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, fatigue, stress, physical injuries, smoking and alcohol consumption. The exact reason can only be judged by a specialist and only then one should use the medicines prescribed. You can have the information on ED and ED related drugs by researching online .
Levitra is a FDA approved drug and helps in treating impotency and ED disorders in men suffering from risky medical conditions like high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. This is the reason why this medicine is being preferred over other impotency medicines like Viagra and Cialis. But this medicine should only be used in accordance with the instructions of the physician.

I can ejaculate in any position where my penis is actively stimulated while I'm stationary. That includes handjobs, blowjobs, and sex in the girl-on-top position where she jumps up and down on me.

But, I can't ejaculate in the position where I thrust my body to move my penis. That doesn't give me enough stimulation.

My name is Kyle and I lost my virginity to my 1st girlfriend. When we started having sex everything was fine, I could finish within the hour. but then as time went on, it took hours and at the most it took me 4 hours before she told me to stop because she couldn't take it anymore. Although I know shes not the hottest person in the world, I still think she is damn beautiful. I love her to death(we already broke up and I'm thinking this was one of the main reasons) and all I want to do is make her happy. she thinks its her not being able to please me sexually. I think its still bothering her so I want to clear it up so she doesn't think its her fault. Is what I have Retarded Ejaculation or is it something else and if so, what can I do to get rid of it?

I have classic RE so I won’t repeat the symptoms as they have been well described here. I have only just realised I have this problem.

For many years I have been a “health nut” and taken various combinations of vitamins, minerals, amino acids, herbs and other nutraceuticals to both improve general health and attack specific conditions I have had over the years. I am a writer and a researcher so I have done thorough research including via Medline and other reputable medical sources, and occasionally conducted “blind” tests on myself (got a friend to make up active capsules of whatever I was testing, and a placebo, then do a test on myself, and record any subjective results, then the friend reveals which is which. The assistant does not participate in any test, so cannot subconsciously influence me).

I notice that there has been very little attention paid to the anxiety aspect of RE on this forum.

That I have subconscious issues about women and sexuality and intimacy doesn’t surprise me, given my family background.

However, I have conquered anxieties in the past, by a combination of methods. The human nervous system is remarkably adaptable.

NOTE: all doses outlined below are for my bodyweight (~80 kg male) and absorption characteristics; every human being is different and you will need to experiment to find what is the right dose for you. Starting small and increasing the dose is the normal method. It’s called “titrating” in medical parlance.

1) Nutrients and herbs to reduce anxiety

5-HTP (suggested dose 1-2 50 mg tablets – more during the daytime will make you dozy . A multivitamin at the same time seems to help bioavailability)

Kava Kava This supplement has been banned in various countries because of fears of its safety. You can probably still get some but it is at your own risk. I no longer use it for those reasons.

Herbs I have used in tea and tinctures:

Passiflora

Lemon Balm

Skullcap

Valerian Root (note, I would not use Valerian during the day, it will make you sleepy), so making a tea of Passiflora, Lemon Balm and Skullcap an hour or so before sex might calm you. It is best to use organically grown herbs.


2) Prescription drugs: Betablockers


I have used Propanolol. Prescribed as time release Beta Prograne.

Here’s a few relevant quotes from Wikipedia:

“Propranolol is available in generic form as propranolol hydrochloride, as well as an AstraZeneca and Wyeth product under the trade names Inderal, Inderal LA, Avlocardyl (also available in prolonged absorption form named "Avlocardyl retard"), Deralin, Dociton, Inderalici, InnoPran XL, Sumial (depending on marketplace and release rate).”

“Propranolol is often used by musicians and other performers to prevent stage fright.” (my bold)

This is mainly what I used it for – I used to have panic attacks before big speeches, so my GP prescribed it. As my form was time-released micro-pellets in a capsule, I opened the capsules up and was able to experiment with reduced doses to take the edge off my “stage fright” while retaining some of the nervous tension which means you give a good performance. A whole capsule (80 mg) meant I felt way too laid-back. Eventually I was able to do without the BBs and still give an effective speech, but I had the BBs there in case I got nervous. Obviously this is like the placebo effect: knowing they were in my pocket helped me psychologically, so I did not need to actually take it!

Propanolol seems to have no ED-type side effects. However, even if it does reduce arousal I have an answer to that, (see below).

Your doctor can prescribe this BB. It seems to have no side effects at low doses. It’s the only one I have used so I cannot comment on others. You can also, I expect, purchase it over the internet, although this is not the route I would recommend.

3) Illegal drugs


GHB has short-term calming and prosexual effects. It is very dose-specific and only lasts about an hour, so it is unlikely to be reliably effective in RE. Being on GHB is like being mildly, pleasantly tipsy without the side effects of alcohol. However, most GHB is of poor quality, and not to be recommended. In some countries it can be available in pharmaceutical grade as it has been used as an aid in alcohol withdrawal.


4) What if the calming effects reduced the hardness/arousal of erections?


If you have RE, this seems unlikely. However there are nutrients that improve erection and sexual performance. There is some peer-reviewed evidence for all the below compounds, and I have also tested them myself through masturbation.

L-arginine amino acid dose 1- 8 grams (side effect: can produce nausea and upset stomach at higher doses). The AAKG version is supposed to have better bioavailability

Odourless garlic 500-1000 mg (take one every day)

DHEA: 25-50 mg, taken in the morning.

Red (Korean) Ginseng I take 2 x 500 mg an hour or so before masturbation (or sex, if I can get any!)

Yohimbe/Yohimbine I have variable results with this. As it is taken from a plant root there are variable quantities of the active ingredient. Also has lots of rather unpleasant side-effects if you take too much. In medical tests a more reliable, pharmaceutical has been used: yohimbine hydrochloride, but I have never tried that.


In conclusion


My programme is to stop my internet porn addiction. Change my masturbation habits to being “softer” and more like the real thing, if I can’t give up completely.

Then once I have done that and am preparing for a sexual encounter I am going to try various anxiety reducing methods as detailed above. I don’t see why if in particular the Beta Blockers reduced my performance anxiety about giving speeches and lectures, then they can’t work the same in the bedroom, and as I managed to wean myself off them in time by reducing doses, while still being able to do my speechmaking, this shouldn’t be effective. It’s called desensitisation to an anxiety producing situation and has worked well in many areas where people have anxieties.

I hope this throws some light on the problem. I would welcome comments.

Magnus

21 year old with RE here. Somewhat optimistic, as I have made some progress, but there are some deep seeded problems too. I'll start at the start.

As a kid I injured my penis, and it couldn’t become erect... but I didn't know this wasn’t normal. I soon realised I liked women, but without erections to go with the attraction I think my normal sexual development was stifled. I was sexual, but couldn’t imagine being sexual with another person… All I knew was that I liked seeing naked women and feeling myself, but if I had one there, I wouldn’t know what to do. I couldn’t have known, having no erection/instinct to penetrate.

Through my teens I realised something was very wrong. Thankfully, physically my penis was not damaged beyond repair & I have decent, natural erections now. When boozed up and completely relaxed, I find the urge to penetrate is there…it had just been ‘lost’/locked away in my childhood/teens. However, I have terrible anxiety because of my past, & still feel somewhat disconnected from any kind of mutual sexual feeling. Penetration feels nice, but not nice enough for me to cum, especially when wearing a condom. Bareback is pretty damn good…but again, I’m not going to cum. In the end I just whack myself off, usually thinking about my favourite movie nude scenes/the woman’s body that I’m with. It kills me, because this is what I found especially arousing as a kid, just seeing naked women…..when it should have been actually having sex with them. It’s depressing.

Anyway, slowly I’ve been trying to retrain my mind/dick. At first sex didn’t feel nice at all, just numb. However, I have been using a fleshlight to masturbate. I’m at the point where I can cum with the fleshlight if I move it back and forth, and sex now feels pleasurable. However, I still cant cum from my own thrusts. I practise with the fleshlight, hopefully one day I’ll cum this way, then cum with sex. A few things I’ve found.

I find it easier when I’m drunk
It’s easier for me to relax with lights off
It’s easier for me if the girl is somewhat insecure with herself/new to sex, because its relaxing that she feels the same way as me.

It’s under those conditions I’ve enjoyed sex most, and been closest to cumming. That’s my story. Good luck to everyone here….

locked due to constant spam