Situational Retarded Ejaculation

160m:

Sounds like a mild case and not very typical as you can ejaculate with oral and sometimes vaginally. I think that as long as you don't masturbate for a day or two before being with your g.f. you should be OK. And, from the tone of your post, it doesn't sound like it's anything more than a slight inconvience. Certainly if it gets to the point where you get the most common kind of RE- where you can't ejaculate at all, by any means other than self masturbation, then it's time to get some help.

Sometimes younger men get these mild cases and it goes away after a few years. The true test is sex in a long term relationship where you have grown used to the partner and start getting bored. For most men, who don't have RE and don't masturbate every day, sheer horniness will carry them through successfully,
even though they may have lost interest sexually in the partner. But men who suffer from even mild cases of RE may find their problem getting increasingly worse in this situation. Many then turn away from the partner and practice self masturbation exclusivley. This is when the condition becomes extremely difficult to treat.

I've been married for a number of years now and in all that time I have been unable to ejaculate with my wife. I am totally in love with her and attraction is not a problem. RE is putting a terrible strain on our marriage as we both want to have kids. My wife starts crying just thinking about kids which makes me feel worse than I already do. She has come to the conclusion that we will never have kids naturally and this is eating her up inside.

For years I denied that I had a problem and it was only through her extensive research that I finally admit that I suffer from RE.

I only ever had one sexual encounter before I met my wife and it was classed as a drunken fumble. I started masturbating in my early teens using porn or just my mind and it still continues now as this is my only way of achieving orgasm. This happens on my own and with my wife.

IS THIS THE PROBLEM? Should I stop "wanking" and just concentrate on trying to cum during intercourse?

My problem may also be psychological. My mother died when I was quite young and of course I was devastated,always wondering why she had been taken away from me.

Does anybody think this may be the cause of my RE?

Am I stopping myself from ejaculating and therfore stopping my wife from getting pregnent?

Am I afraid to bring a child into the world incase my wife or I die leaving the child to go through what I had to?

Looking forward to some response.

100s:

As has been said before in this thread RE has numerous causes. I would suggest you read all the posts here (if you haven't already) and see if one or more of the RE causes discussed apply to you. As for RE meaning you can never have children that is utter nonsense. If you can produce sperm by any means then you can have children. Talk to your doctor about this.

Here is a link that dicusses RE and fertility:

http://www.fertilitext.org/ubb/Forum4/HTML/000029.html

I've read all the posts on retarded ejaculation that I can find, but I haven't found an answer to my specific problem yet.
I'm 24, started masterbating when I was 13. I started having intercourse about two months ago and haven't been able to come in my girlfriend yet. I am able to come by handjobs and blowjobs though.
The part that makes my problem more than just anxiety or that I've just masterbated one way is that I have an uncircumcised penis. Problem is, I've always masterbated with the foreskin up. But, when I penetrate my girlfriends vagina, the foreskin comes down. My penis gets really sensitive and I get just as much pleasure with the pain. Now, I can penetrate her with a condom on and the foreskin stays up, but then I get no sensation from my penis at all because of the latex.
My girlfriend and I are thinking that since my penis just isn't used to having its foreskin down, that if I just keep having intercourse with her without a condom, that my penis will get used to the sensitivity and the pain will turn over to just pleasure and I'll be able to come.
Any thoughts?

As has been mentioned, one of the classic causes of RE is when the penis gets used to certain types of stimulation. usually, this happens after years of masturbation and then trying to have regular intercourse with a partner.

In your case, staying away from masturbation for a week or two then having sex with your g.f may do the trick. You want to get to the point where sheer horniess and the nedd to orgasm overides the understimulating sensations and pain you are getting. If this works then at least you know ekaculating with her IS possible and you can g0 from there.

In my case I have always prefered masturbation (while watching porn) to having partner sex and can't ejaculate by any means with a woman. I have learned over the years to do what I have to to keep various women satisfied without me being able to orgasm.

I split sex into two parts. One is the enjoyable sex I have with myself and the other is sex with my wife which is not very pleasurable becasue my penis feels numb (although I have a hard erection) and understimulated. She always has an orgasm and in order to keep her from getting upset because of a sexless marriage I "service" her when she wants it.

When I was single faking orgasms to make the partner happy worked well because I always used condoms. After I got married though, this became more difficult because my wife took birth control pills.

If you absolutely can't ejaculate just do what you have to to make sure the partner is satisfied and don't worry about yourself. You can have your own special "private time" when she's not around. In cases like mine the RE is incurable and after many years of unsuccessful sex therapy not to mention broken relationships and worrying, I have learned to live with it and remain married.

Hope this helps.

Here's a website with an excellent article on RE/Delayed Ejaculation:

http://www.current-reports.com/article. ... &KeyWords=


here's an excerpt:


>>>>>The role of masturbation in understanding the pathogenesis of RE has been emphasized by Apfelbaum [13**] and Perelman et al. [5**, 14*, 25*]. Apfelbaum [13**] designated men with RE who preferred masturbation to partnered sex as having an "autosexual orientation." In 1994, Perelman first discussed the role of masturbation frequency, motivation, and idiosyncratic technique in the etiology and maintenance of RE [25*]. Many men with RE engaged in stimulation that was striking in the speed, pressure, duration, and intensity necessary to produce an orgasm, and dissimilar to what they experienced with a partner. In this manner, they preconditioned themselves to difficulty with a partner and experienced secondary RE. Sank [26] described "traumatic masturbatory syndrome," emphasizing the counterproductive consequence of high-frequency masturbation in the prone position. Disparity between the reality of sex with the partner and the sexual fantasy (whether or not unconventional) used during masturbation was another cause of RE [14*, 25*]. This disparity takes many forms, such as body type, orientation, and sex activity performed. In summary, high-frequency idiosyncratic masturbation, combined with fantasy/partner disparity, predispose men to RE, with a high degree of certainty. Failure to assess these factors will account for much of the perceived difficulty in treating RE.>>>>>

In my clinical experience chronic masturbators, especially those who use hardcore pornography, cannot reconcile the disparity between the perfect fantasy women they are watching on screen and the not so perfect wife or girlfriend. This causes him to bot find partner sex stimulating enough, although many of these men can and do achieve erections hard enough for intercourse. Almost all complain of the "numb penis" mentioned by the previous poster.

I'd like to see sex therapists and researchers study the theory of Autosexuality, which I believe is the primary cause of Retarded Ejaculation.

Some, such as sex therapy researcher Bernard Apfelbaum, put forth convincing arguments in favour of this idea and many others are beginning to finally look at the notion that this is indeed a fourth mode of sexuality after hetrosexuality, homosexuality and bi-sexuality.

This is really cutting edge sex reseach and I believe that like physic's illusive "theory of everything" further research will show that everything spoken of here in regards to the causes of retarded ejaculation will have their roots in the autosexual orientation. I furthur believe that this is something you are born with or at least one is born with a suseptibility to Autosexuality. It is the same nature or nurture theories and arguments you have in other sexual orientations.

If this proves to be true we shall look back at the years of suffering and heartache and whacky ideas as to the cause(s) of RE and bizzare treatments (Kaplan's demand stratedgy, M&J's sensate focus) and it will be seen as as similar type of dark age for RE sufferers as it was for homosexuals for centuries. That particular sexual orientation had it's fair share of crazy theories as to its cause. After all, homosexuality was for years thought to be a mental illness.

Hopefully in the years to come Autosexuality research will bloom and we shall discover that a masturbation preference is very naturnal and normal for 15 to 20% of the male population. I also believe that this number might be even higher in females as the inability to orgasm through partner sex is much higher in women.

One cannot overlook the role of stress in these patients.

Some men find sexual intercourse very stressful, for a number of reasons- new partner, performance anxiety, aniticipatory fear (fear of failure), feeling pressure to perform, overly concerned with the sexual pleasure of the partner.

Thses men tend to be sensitive, caring and somewhat shy. Unlike those men for whom R.E. is the result of a lack of arousal due to sexual boredom or no longer being attracted to the woman, or those for whom atypical masturbation and pornography addiction is the cause, these other men tend to care for their partners very much. Some would argue too much.

In my practice relaxation and visualization excersizes have been quite successful with the latter group.

I would be interested to know what the wise people posting on this topic think of my particular situation. I am a male in my early 30's, and have just became sexually active for the first time in my life. Over the course of the last two years I have lost a huge amount of weight - I had been morbidly obese my entire adult life to that point, and sex was not an option for me. I masturbated regularly for the past 20 years, probably twice a week or thereabouts. No pornography.

I now have had a girlfriend for the past several months, and we are just beginning to develop a sexual relationship. I am strongly attracted to her and erections are not a problem, but I have had difficulty ejaculating inside her. Despite her best efforts my penis feels numb and I only can reach orgasm by masturbating in her presence. She is quite experienced and I can tell that my inability to come inside her is puzzling her. Since seeing her I have stopped masturbating alone, but I still have to masturbate to achieve orgasm whenever we have sex.

I have suffered from depression and very low self esteem all of my life, and I think I am having performance anxiety from fears that I am not satisfying her, and embarassment at my lack of sexual experience. I have relayed these fears to her and she is telling me to relax and stop thinking so much, but I am afraid that I can't.

I guess I am wondering if I have a case of RE due to too many years of masturbation coupled with performance anxiety, or if this is just something that may disappear over time.

"Scared".....don't be! You and your penis have grown used to your own hand and your own fantasies. Sex with a real live woman is something completely different and new. After so many years of sexual functioning without intercourse I would be surprised if you DIDN'T have some difficulties.

The numb penis is a classic sign of retarded ejaculation caused by the penis being used to hand masturbation which is much firmer faster and rougher than any vagina.

What you need to do is slowly retrain yourself and your penis to be stimulated by her vagina and/or mouth. You are way ahead of the game compared to others with R.E. because you haven't also needed porn to achieve orgasm and you ARE attracted to your partner.

First thing, if you haven't already...stop all masturbating.
Explain the situation to her. Don't say "I have retarded ejaculation" say something like..."it's been awhile since I had any kind of sex so I'm kind of getting back into the saddle so to speak and it's taking a bit of getting used to" Just let her know that you want to try of few different things. Try oral sex, or have her masturbate you. If she's doing it wrong show her how to do it right...but be nice about it!

The numb penis and the R.E. are not physical problems as such, R.E. is a psychological problem and your type can be fixed with patience.

Some here have poo-pooed Masters and Johnson'd Sensate Focus
therapy and while it is true is does little good for those who are not attracted to their partners or who's R.E. is caused by heavy porn use, I think Sensate Focus may well help your type of R.E.

Look up SENSATE FOCUS on Google. You will find many sites that explain the technique. Try it with your partner.

I cannot stress too much that stopping masturbation is the key. A week or two of pent up sexual desire will go along way to get you to the point where you can ejaculate inside your partner. And keep trying. It won't suddenly happen...it will take time, but like I said your case is such that there is an excellent chance that. with some
practice and some patience, you'll be able to have a happy, normal sex life with your partner.

Good Luck!