Situational Retarded Ejaculation

Interesting post again, Jay. I can tell that you're a thoughtful and caring guy. You've also demonstrated alot of self discipline with your experiment! I wish you well.

I originally posted the following rather long story on the RE board. I was invited to start using this psych forum with regards to RE. Basically, I believe that my 50+ year habit of delaying ejaculation during masturbation has caused much of my RE. The story below describes the delayed ejaculation technique.

I wonder if a physical act, done over a long period (years) can evolve into a psychological cause for RE. Can that cause be overcome by changes (or denial) in the physical act. My RE has extended from vaginal RE to masturbatory RE. But, denying myself any self pleasuring for a couple of weeks, I find that I can ejaculate relatively quickly either by hand or during intercourse.

Comments??

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I'm an old guy, age 67, with RE. I haven't always had it, but I sure have it now. I'm convinced long term and/or frequent masturbation is the cause behind my RE, and maybe it can be blamed for many other's RE. My story:

I began masturbating about age 10, several years before I ever ejaculated. My technique, was pure fist pumping. No porn, no lubes, no exotic smells or unorthodox methods. Initially, I could climax within a couple of minutes. But a quick climax, exciting as it was, ended the pleasure. So I developed a technique of masturbating until close to a climax then stopping, restarting again after a few moments only to again stop short of climaxing. I would continue this start/stop method through many cycles, sometimes delaying ejaculation for an hour or more.

Through my teen years and into my early 20s, I masturbated eagerly and frequently ejaculated two or three times per day. The start/stop technique rarely varied when time and conditions permitted. I was never into porn, but I was sure into sustained erections, and delayed ejaculation.

I married at age 24 and was a virgin. Initially, I was unable to ejaculate during intercourse with my wife and we both attributed that to inexperience. That cured itself after a few weeks and ejaculation during intercourse rarely failed thereafter; however, invariably it took 20 minutes or more to climax. Neither of us thought that was bad, and I frequently patted myself on the back for my endurance - primarily based on stories and jokes I heard about other men and their quick climaxes. We managed to have two great kids, and I went through a vasectomy. Looking back, I pretty much gave up masturbation once I was married. I only masturbated when I was away from home for an extended period of time - but I usually went back to my old technique of start/stop with delayed ejaculation.

That marriage ended in divorce and I spent neary seven years as a bachelor. Back to Rosy Palms. I did have several sexual relationships, some extended, some "one nighters." Particularly during one nighters, I found that I would rarely ejaculate at night, but would climax relatively quickly in the morning. Some of my partners were disappointed that I didn'tcomplete things. However, once I managed to finish things in the morning, most seemed satisfied with my performance. Again, I patted myself on the back for my "endurance."

Once remarried, I had a vasectomy reversal and we went through years of fertility testing and procdures; however, we never managed to concieve. With all the fertility testing and procedures, masturbation for semen analysis purposes became pretty regular and we grew comfortable with her giving me hand jobs or watching as I ejaculated into a specimen cup. I remember now that it began to take considerably time to climax regardless of the method and without intentional start/stop delays. My new wife rarely has an orgasm during intercourse and long sessions made her uncomfortable due to arthritic hips. As I was taking longer and longer to climax, her "hip discomfort" would usually end the session before I came. Back to hand jobs and masturbation. Enjoyable as they were, hand jobs also began to take more and more time and and my wife would tire out before I came. Even doing it myself, all too frequently, I would lose the erection or give out before I ejaculated. Viagra helped the erection problem, but did nothing to speed up ejaculation.

With the help of Viagra, my wife and I still have relations every week or ten days. Its fun and makes us feel close, but rarely climaxing is a bummer. Yes, some of this is probably age related, but I am convinced that my long used intentionally delayed ejaculation masturbation techniques set the stage for RE, physically or phychologically.

Burt

Burt, my short response to you is yes and yes. Yes, I believe a physical act or method can evolve into a psychological cause of RE. Yes, it would appear that for some, for many, and perhaps for most of us, that cause can be overcome by changes or denial. (Psychological or psychogenic causes, NOT organic causes, of course.) I think that what may be happening for you adds additional data or evidence that there is truth in your comments about conditioning and reprogramming.

I found this helpful about Behavior, Motivation, and Self- Control.

http://www.mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap4/

Goto: "Managing Difficult Behavior", "Why Behavior is Hard to Understand", "Planning Behavioral Change", "Review of Methods for Controlling Behavior and 3. Controlled or Conditioned Responses and 4. Relapse Prevention", etc.

I refer you to this website because it was helpful to me and I could never have stated it so well and so extensively.

j. dubb. i decided today to quit masturbating as well. i think it will be extremely hard but id really like to be able to have an orgasm. if it gets too tough, i might go out and buy a fake vagina. i guess this method has not been proven to be effective, but what do i have to lose......i just wont do it until i get lucky and try it with a girl.... wish me luck!! this is going to take some serious self control!

Funny Guy,

Good luck on abstaining from masturbation.
I found the first 2 to 3 weeks the hardest. After that, piece of cake. For some reason, the grinding-the-teeth phase subsided, or I just got used to it.
Also: you might try excercising lots... it relieves tension and makes you tired if you're having a hard time sleeping.
I'm currently on day 37.... never thought it possible but I'm really happy to do this. I don't know how long I'll go for. It just feels like the right antedote to my RE.
If and when I do go back to masturbating, I'll make sure it's once (or twice maximum) a week.
Gotta keep my genitals soft and sensitive.

J.D.

Most cases of Retarded Ejaculation are caused by a psychological blocks of some kind. Whether it's anxiety or lack of attraction, performance anxiety, shyness...whatever, it's all in the head and psychological difficulties can be really hard to fix. There has been talk here about therapies and drugs some of which work but mostly these methods fail.

What if you could by-pass the brains sexual circuitry altogether?

The brain is the master control center a sexuality but there is another sub-center which is the area around the prostate gland. All the sexual wires run through here-- erection, ejaculation, arousal on their way to and from the brain.

By stimulating this region, you can fool the brain and the penis into thinking you are highly aroused.

Now many of you who have read my posts here in the past know I am very wary of internet snake oil salesmen and have often warned people here about pills, potions, cremes, herbs etc that say they will help make you cum during partner sex. So I'm not a shill for anyone. But I did come across something that I think you guys should at least have a look at and do some further research on.

I'm not advising you to by this product....it works by muscle control but a battery operated vibrator will stimulate the same area almost as well if not better..

Men who have stimulated the prostate area during masturbation or partner sex all report a harder erection and much easier ejaculation which arrives much faster than without male G Spot (prostate) stimulation. It doesn't matter really what you use to do it with. The link below is for the ENEROS. The website itself is a wealth of male G Spot info.

I bought one and it did make me cum with my wife for the first time in quite awhile. But it takes getting used to and may not work the first time you try it...or at all. Since I bought it my wife and I also tryed male G Spot stimulation with a vibrator and that worked too.

Check out the site. This G Spot stimulation may finally be the key those of us with severe RE caused by anxiety or attraction issues because as I said, those problems originate in the brain and we are going around the brain and manually stimulating the erection and ejaculation centers.

In a world with few cures for severe RE it's worth a try.

http://www.malegspot.com/malegspot.php? ... 91fb15a626

Archer, you're "gutsy"! I mean that in a positive way. Courageous is what I mean. I didn't have the nerve to bring the subject up. It's interesting that you found the Aneros website, purchased one and found it useful for RE. I had purchased one a couple of months ago but I haven't tried it very much yet. B Mayfield at the website you indicated is very knowledgeable and is a great communicator. Before my purchase I checked to see if there were any contraindications or cautions in the use of prostate massage and/or an Aneros. The following is what I found and should be read by everyone. My belief is that people with the greatest potential for prostate cancer (generally increases with age) or prostatitis should be the most careful.

http://www.chronicprostatitis.com/massage.html

I just read this whole thread--it took about three hours. I found it very helpful as I've had to deal with this for the past fifteen months. I knew right away something was wrong with him but had no idea that SO MANY others have suffered with the same thing he has.

From reading, I've learned that he is LUCKY in that once in fifteen months he actually came from intercourse, he's finished through oral sex a handful of times (that's one hand), and he is always able to finish himself off when it's become evident (to me) that what I'm doing is not working (which always makes me wonder--why does he still want to be involved with me when I clearly don't do anything for him???)

Being in the bed with him is still very laborious on both our behalfs and results usually take upwards of one or two hours and lots of switching back and forth between sex, oral, and manual stimulation and almost ALWAYS ending in him finishing himself off.

What has seemed to help tremendously in reducing the amount of time it takes for him to finish is when I pay lots and lots and lots of attention to his balls, perineum, and anus/rectum. He LOVES this and this has reduced the time it takes for him to finish down to about 20-30 minutes.

Close friends know about our troubles (he doesn't know my friends know this) and a lot of them will suggest that perhaps he is gay because he likes me paying attention to the anus/rectum area. I obviously don't think this is true. I'm just thrilled to find something that will help him in this huge obstacle. What I wish, sadly, is that I could somehow incorporate this into intercourse. It's gotten to the point where we don't even attempt intercourse anymore. He's asked me why it's so important to me that we have sex. I was taken aback by the question and really didn't know how to answer why it was so important. Even though I undertand what's going on with him, it's still hard for me to understand that he doesn't like having sex. I obviously understand that if it isn't successful for him why would he like it... But I still want to try to have sex and he doens't even want to try anymore.

15 Months

Your guy is fortunate to have a partner as thoughtful and determined as you have demonstrated by reading this whole thread. You didn't say whether he has had this condition for years or for only 15 months. (I know that 15 months for you is a very long time.) I know that with a thoughtful person like you there is hope for him. I also hope that you find out whether his condition is due to physical (organic) or psychological reasons. It sounds like a psychological condition. He may be showing signs of having temporarily given up for now but may only be using a psychological mechanism to protect himself - his ego, pride, and/or sense of masculinity. Hang in there. If he gets the right kind of help and knows what is happening to him, you and he can come through this okay.

Thanks, Don.
It's hard to talk to him about this, and quite frankly, I don't know if he knows what is going on with himself (I also don't know if he's had this all his life, but I'm assuming he has). He has had two major relationships in his life before me (he was married for a few months and engaged to the girl before that) and the most details he has disclosed to me is that both of those two women cheated on him. To me, there is no excuse for cheating. Not even RE. The thing is, I don't think he really even appreciates the fact that I've stuck around this long (he does have a host of other issues as well as the RE--major anxiety problems and alcohol as self medication, etc.) but because of his RE (and other things he has going on) I feel better equipped to at the very least understand him and that's important. Nothing can shake my determination with him--unless he one day came out and told me to get the hell away from him--I'm in this for the long haul as long. I just feel that it's a shame to give up on him because of RE. He's worth so much more than that to me, but I don't know if he even knows that.