Situational Retarded Ejaculation

Also:

Pituitary gland considerations:

I hear that it's the little gland in the middle of our brains that regulates all our other gland's functioning. And, I also hear that it is affected by light.

So, part of my "recovery" is to limit my t.v. and computer to 8 or 8:30 in the evening. Then, I have the lights pretty dim, read or listen to music, mellow out and allow for the natural rythms of my body to be restored for optimum glandular functioning.

Anyone else hear about this consideration?

Jay

Jay, the pituitary and hypothalmus, about in the center of our head, is where it all begins with sexual functioning and the penis. The human body of about 60 trillion cells and its sexual operations and genitals is extremely complex.

What you are suggesting is more likely setting you up for a good restful night of good REM and non-REM sleep and proper functioning of your daily circadian rhythm. Basically you have a clock in your hypothalmus that helps to regulate many of your sex hormones and cortisol, etc. Indirectly, you're going to help your sexual functioning in general if you have good and proper sleep and body rhythms. However, I suggest that you start at the other end, the penis, and work backwards because it's extremely complex going from the top to the bottom.

Check out: http://arbl.cvmbs.colostate.edu/hbooks/ ... atomy.html http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/circadian_rhythm

Men always think it's something physical causing their RE. But RE by itself is rarely the only symptom of any given disease. It your RE IS being caused by a physical problem, you would have other symptoms too.

Alot of men don't like to think their RE may be caused by a psychological problem but the vast majority of RE cases are. The reason for this could be a masculine self image thing but more likely this search for hormonal, gladular and other physical ailments probably means that they think their dysfunction can be cured by taking just taking a pill.

RE SEEMS like a physical problem, the results of RE can be seen in the absence of semen, something you can actually see. And the numb penis most RE men feel again. SEEMS like it's a physical problem of some kind even though it's usually not.

Like I said unless you have definite other physical symptoms of diseases such as diabetes, central nervous system disease, heart disease and some kinds of gladular problems, you would be wise to look inside your head. Yes, some medications such as blood pressure medicine and antidepressants can also cause RE. But even these usually also cause other problems such as ED or lack of libido.

If all you've got is RE, then sex or psychotherapy is probably your best bet.

Hello Everyone,

I have an idea that has not been brought up before.

First a little introduction... I have been researching RE in various other forums and just came across this one today and this thread is awesome w/ everyone staying on topic and educated about the problem.

Anyway, I overcame RE recently. I was an avid porn user and programmed myself to the intense visual stimulation, also, I had an atypical masterbation style that I had become accustomed long before ever having sex.

I overcame RE by quitting masterbation ENTIRELY - I did not "stop" for a few days or weeks I QUIT. I quit looking at porn as well. The first time I had sex it didn't happen, then it did but after a long time, and now, I can come easily in a short amount of time. Over time, your body will in fact reprogram itsself to come from the different kind of stimulation. The numbness I had experienced for years eventually went away.

Now to my idea. Obviously if someone with RE is single they cannot quit masterbating entirely - any guy would go crazy and give in after awhile. During the time I was a porn user I noticed ads for the flesh light - which is a replica vagina. Now, I have never used or even seen one but perhaps it is realistic and the sensation you get from the fleshlight is similar to vaginal sex with a woman. Imagine what this could do for people with RE... it could be the perfect training tool... the RE sufferer could stop masterbating and when he gets horny use the fleshlight you might not get off the first time or the second or the third but eventually you will and then its downhill from there. This would work if the cause of RE is from the numb feeling due to atypical masterbation style - if the problem is situational RE or caused by lack of desire than this fleshlight training program I thought of obviously wouldnt work. Has anyone heard of someone actually buying one and if it does feel realistic?

I overcame my RE (numbness caused by vigorous, fast masterbation) by quitting masterbation and just having sex and eventually I came and then it got easier and easier. The fleshlight could be a way for others who are single to practice getting used to the way a vagina feels.

note: please dont go buy one of these bc I have no idea if it works. I just saw the website. I dont want anyone getting ripped off. Also some of them say "super tight" or "tight" those models wouldnt help obviously but if one was realistic feeling it would be awesome.

Thoughts on the fleshlight idea??

LASTLY, if you want to overcome RE and you have it the way I did it is absolutely imperative to QUIT MASTERBATING. Changing to a slower speed and lighter grip never worked. The only way I got over the problem was to cut the masterbating entirely and the numb sensation eventually went away.

question: so how long would you guess you didnt masturbate at all? months? and when you cant cum with a girl through sex, you are supposed to just let it go and not finish yourself? blue balls are painful..... and witht he fake vagina!! I came up with that IDEA!! I so want to try it, i think itd be an interesting experiment but im shy.. I dont think anyone in this forum yet tried it either.

have you tried EFT for this? they approach PSTD from an energy perspective and it looks like it has worked with a lot of veterans. they give away the manual online for free. www.emofree.com

you can do it on yourself when you feel those triggers and it doesn't seem to re-traumatize

be well.
len

As of July, 2004 there has been an excellent new journal available to read. The Journal of Sexual Medicine is owned and edited by the International Society for Sexual and Impotence Research. There are two free issues - July and November, 2004. One article is entitled, "Disorders of Orgasm and Ejaculation in Men", vol 1, issue 1, pages 58-65, Jul 2004.

http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/toc/jsm/1/1 pages 58, 62, 63, 6, 35, 49, 69
http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/toc/jsm/1/s1
http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/toc/jsm/2/6 page 793

Table 2, page 62 lists: "Causes of Inhibited Ejaculation, Anejaculation and Anorgasmia"

The categories of causes are: psychogenic, congenital, anatomic, neurogenic, infective, endocrine, and medicine.

November 2004: free issue has: "State of The Art and Round Table Summaries" (of sexual medicine)

November 2005: not free issue: "Psychological and Interpersonal Dimensions of Sexual Function and Dysfunction", vol 2, pages 793-800

Table 1, page 338 of British Journal of Urology (1998) vol 82, 331-341, "Review: Disorders of Ejaculation: Congenital, Acquired and Funtional", as of 1998 lists all the "drugs known to be associated with impairment of ejaculation and drugs used to achieve seminal emission" Is dated but useful.
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I'm seeking advice on this one. The orientation of this forum has overwhemingly been focused on psychological - psychogenic reasons for RE and for good reason. I wouldn't want to change that! There continues to be great content day after day by many, many good but struggling and frustrated people. Because RE for me has been caused by antidepressants and is an endocrine (thyroid) problem, I'm been inclined to focus more on non-psychogenic causes of RE. Since it is important that the focus doesn't deviate, I've been wandering if it wouldn't be better if I or someone else would set up a separate thread called something other than "situational retarded ejaculation" like Delayed Ejaculation, Male Anorgasmia, Non-Psychogenic Delayed Ejaculation, or something else where I could post my thoughts?

Anyone have a suggestion or thought?

It's easy to start a new topic on the main sexual dysfunction pages of this website. Although I think there is room for all RE discussions here.

Psychological causes of RE is the main topic of discussion here simply because they are the most frequent causes. This discussion thread is nearing the 30,000 hits mark. This an amazingly high number and I think proves that RE is a much more common problem than we are lead to believe.

Which brings me to your med journal links. I understand why these journals charge you to read their articles but any new information regarding RE is important and I just wish that we could get permission to reprint these articles here. I have only purchased a journal article once and it was one of the best things I've ever read about RE.

http://taylorandfrancis.metapress.com/( ... y021kz5ev5)/app/home/contribution.asp?referrer=parent&backto=searcharticlesresults,4,32;

But most of us can't afford to buy our info. I have written to DR Josie Lipsith asking permission to reprint her article here. Perhaps anyone else who comes across a journal article pertaining to RE could also email the author and ask permission to post it here.

that link above isn't working try this one:

http://taylorandfrancis.metapress.com/l ... 3yuu609nqc

I came upon this forum because of being with my last girlfriend and having a difficult time reaching orgasm (in fact I never did with her). My therapist mentioned something about maybe looking into hormone treatment, which lead me to searching for hormones and the endocrine system, which somehow then lead me to erectile difficulties and then finally delayed orgasm and retarded ejaculation. I found this forum through the fertility forum on RE.

My story doesn’t surprise me as an atypical case of RE. I remember being a teen, then college, horny as hell and masturbating at least once a day in my dorm to either magazines or thoughts of women I knew in college. My first love was a girlfriend in college, but we never had sex. So, I was a virgin until I was with my wife (@ 24). My problem started as severe erectile dysfunction. Eventually, I was able to have sex with my wife, but many times it was difficult for me, and making matters worse was the fact that she took it personal when I couldn’t perform. I did go to a therapist and psychiatrist once, but after a few sessions talk treatment was discontinued (big mistake), I suppose partly it was an insurance issue and it would have been really expensive in those days for me to continue any kind of treatment. Other than that, I guess they thought I was “OK”,

But, the difficulties continued. The relationship with my wife lasted almost 20 years between first living together through the final divorce date. Increasingly during the years, I had a secret porn life, usually just a stash of magazines that I had picked up on trips for work (I used to love business trips, because I could get away and watch the adult channels in my hotel room).

Toward the end of our marriage, I started having feelings for other women, especially at work. The first one was about 4 years before my divorce, but then the next series of about 3 or 4 was toward the end. I never had an affair, because I seemed to pick women that wouldn’t because I was married (unconsciously I probably did this on purpose). I was going crazy and didn’t know what to do. One of the women I was “seeing” recommended I go to a therapist she had been seeing. She said the therapist would put it in perspective and make things clearer. So, I went, and it has turned out to be a many-year period of psychoanalytic psychotherapy to this day.

So, I started dating. My first post marriage relationship was mostly filled with erectile dysfunction, sexually. I remember one other woman I had ED problems, but then a funny thing happened and I went the opposite. Now, I didn’t have difficulties getting it up, but with coming and letting it down! So, this happened through several girlfriends over the years including this last one first mentioned in my opening paragraph. I did orgasm some of the time with almost all of these women, but usually in the beginning (when the newness and excitement was there maybe?) but as time went on had more difficulty and the relationships ended up breaking up partly because of the RE and my frustration from not being able to work through it (and of course the emotional relationship with them).

I’ve read all of the posts here and many on the fertility board. A couple things I see a lot are the use of pornography and masturbatory conditioning and psychotherapy treatment, but not a lot of insight on what each of those mean. What I mean is, a lot about techniques, but not a lot about insight into what may be going on in the person’s mind.


MASTURBATION AND PORNOGRAPHY:

For example, when a guy is masturbating, what is he thinking about? Is he thinking about different women or a particular woman he likes or that he saw and thought was sexy that day? What is different about his thoughts when he’s with a live woman? I know I’ve tried fantasizing about other women when with a woman, it helps, but usually not enough.

When he uses his hand, he’s in control. With a woman, he’s not. It can’t be all about the friction he’s used to (although, he controls the friction). What about how comfortable and intimate he feels with another person and the ability to let go and lose control and “release”?

Pornography? What does that mean? I know for me, I really don’t care for the “standard” porn faire. I really don’t enjoy seeing a guy’s hairy butt as he’s taking a woman from behind. What I like is to watch woman themselves masturbate. Maybe it has something to do with mutual participation, seeing the woman enjoy herself, and me being in control of the situation (and now with DVD, you can jump all around, fast forward, rewind, different women, etc., you control the images). It also removes the intimacy from the encounter, yet it’s with a single woman (I don’t care for girl, girl as much, either). Then again, maybe all this is just considered a particular fetish, and it doesn’t matter as long as a high arousal level is reached.

It may be true that the guy is used to a certain friction and pressure or his mind needs that erotic imagery, but why does he need this? What is he lacking in himself or his ability to connect with another human intimately and emotionally that he needs certain sensations, erotic images and even sounds to reach climax? And then on the other hand, what does abstaining say about self-deprivation? I agree with one post I saw where he said abstaining works to a point, but beyond that it’s almost worse. I’ve tried this but it doesn’t work for me. Sure you get more horny and ready for sex, but as far as helping the RE, it hasn’t. My own therapist even says, sure if you allow the pressure to build up, you’re bound to explode.

This goes along with the many comments on lack of arousal. Maybe the person is unable to tap a deep enough feeling of arousal within himself (versus being just a purely physical sensation). I’m sure any increase in sensation is going to help … up to a point. Then, it would almost be too much for you to stand. I know for me, it isn’t so much about the physical sensations (because I do feel them), I actually feel my mind “shut off”, even with a lot of sensation, so there’s got to be more going on.

My point is, I keep seeing blanket statements about masturbating and porn, but not a lot of thought of what that means. Porn is the instrument, but it’s not really the problem. I think the “problem” goes much deeper. Yes, porn is more available than ever before, but if there were no underlying problem, it wouldn’t matter. What’s going to happen when someday a guy’s going to be able to have sex with a virtual 3-D woman? In fact any woman in the world he chooses? With future advancements in genetic engineering, how about sexual clones? Will those be the non-intimate evils that ruin all relationships, or will intimacy, caring and loving another human being win out?


PSYCHOTHERAPY:

I’m not a complete and total believer of Freud’s theories, even though I go to psychoanalytic-oriented therapy. Although, they’re finding that we do indeed have an unconscious mind and much of what our mind processes goes unnoticed by us. But, there’s still a large unknown as far as the mind goes. Much of psychoanalytic psychotherapy these days would be considered more psychodynamic anyhow, not as much pure psychoanalytic. Then, we have cognitive behavioral and others, besides and including therapies geared toward sex specifically.

We are a mind-body organism. And I do believe in taking action along with analyzing a problem and not just analyzing the problem. So, I agree that a lot of the physical
“techniques” (including sensate focus, abstaining from auto-pleasure, etc.) may trigger and heal the mind psychologically. I really don’t believe it’s a completely physical conditioning exercise.

But psychologically, it’s also important to understand where you’re coming from. What was your childhood like? How intimate can you be with another human? Can you give up control and let the another person be who they are? I think a lot of this is underemphasized and techniques are considered the fix-it formula without understanding why. I mean, if it works for you great, maybe you don’t care why. But, for the rest of us …

I keep seeing that psychotherapy has a low success rate for RE. I actually believe it, but I wonder if either the patient hasn’t gone long enough, or the real underlying issues of the patient haven’t been addressed for one reason or another. There’s a lot of therapists and therapies out there, and for a person to get the right mix for them is probably tough and things don’t always fall right into place, especially quickly.

Therapy is also a process. Life is cyclical. Issues are dealt with over and over with each encounter and interaction with other people. I think sometimes people look at therapy as reaching a “cure” and not understanding the continuing process it’s going to take to eventually reach a satisfying existence throughout the rest of their lives.



Anyhow, thanks for reading my story and thoughts.