Situational Retarded Ejaculation

Men's primary sense of sexual arousal is the visual. This is not the case with women. In my research on retarded ejaculation I have found that men who complain of a lack of sexual attraction to the partner and blame this for their RE tend to have a few things in common. A susceptibilty to anxiety, being easily stressed and having a very heightened visual sense and a high ability to get lost in fantasy. Many of these men are heavy porn users as pornography is a highly intense visual medium. They tend to create a "visual ideal" as to what arouses them and condition themselves to this ideal. The sexual dysfunction tends to arise when this visual ideal is not reproduced in the partner.

In a long term marriage the partner may have met certain arousal criteria for the man at the beginning of the relationship.. The way people look of course, changes as the years go by. A woman who may have been able to arouse her husband at the beginning of the marriage may lose this ability as time goes by. The stronger his conditioned visual preference is the more likely he is to suffer sexual dysfuntion over the long term. In non E.D. sexual dysfunction (R.E., Low Libido) married men most often blame a lack of sexual arousal as the cause.

"I don't mean to attack you here, but if big breasts are a necessity to arouse you, why didn't you marry a woman with big breasts? I suspect that when men insist that it's lack of attraction to their partner at play, in a lot of cases, it's a means for RE sufferers to deflect any blame off of themselves and avoid confronting any psychological issues they might have that contribute to the problem."

I have to agree with this. I also agree with SR Murray on some points, but I disagree when he says men with RE have a high ability to get lost in fantasy. I do agree they may have a heightened visual sense and anxiety, which makes them focus on their partner's imperfections and not get lost in the moment. But they may have a LOW ability to get lost in fantasy - this is precisely the reason why they can't get lost in the moment with their partners, but instead require an intense visual stimulus that for all intents and purposes is not reproducible in the real world. Their "ideal visual" is never going to happen in real life. I doubt if his wife got implants and lost weight that anything would change for him.

Duck wrote:

"Their "ideal visual" is never going to happen in real life. I doubt if his wife got implants and lost weight that anything would change for him."

I agree with this. Although the visual ideal remains roughly the same, many of these men find that they need a constantly changing variety of this ideal. In heavy pornography use, few men watch the same movie or look at the same pictures over and over. Some never view the same thing twice. They find that their level of arousal is not as great the second, third or fourth time.

This would be true for real life sexual partners as well. He could have his favorite porn star willing and available to him but would soon find himself again experiencing the effects of retarded ejaculation after just a few encounters with her.

This is why the cure rate for R.E. caused by the conditioning of a visual ideal is very low.

When I spoke of fantasy I was not referring to some men's need to fantasize during partner sex. Certainly the ability to do this is beneficial for men in long term relationships who may find themselves becoming bored of sex with the same partner. Rather, I
was referring to a mans ability to lose himself in visual media. If asked, many men would tell you that sex with a partner is much better than masturbating either using pornography or just fantasy by itself. Many of the men I was referring to however, have a heightened ability to put themselves "in the picture" so to speak and often end up preferring this type of sexual release. They find that partner sex is just not as arousing. Retarded Ejaculation and Erectile Difficulties are often the result when they attempt sexual relations with a real person.

I just want to be able to get aroused enough so I can enjoy sex with my wife and I don't want her to leave our marriage. I do like to watch pornos on the computer but not every day and I think I'm one of the guys who likes sex with a real girl bettr than masterbating. I also likel girls with big boobs like every other guy and I don't see whats so bad about that. I think if my wife really cared about MY feelings she would do what ever it takes to get me aroused so we can have sex without me having trouble having an orgasam and staying hard for the whole thing. But she won't do it so may just try giving her the oral sex and then masturbating later. If she is having sex she is more happy. I hate this ejaculation problem and I wish I could just pretend to be with someone else when we are having sex but that never works for me. Thank you for answering my question.

Hi Reston,

Many guys with RE who are having trouble with sexual relations in a marriage end up doing work-arounds to keep their wives satisfied. In severe RE where the man cannot ejaculate by any means with their wife present, giving her oral or manual sex is often the best option. You can always take care of yourself later. This will also create a more intimate relationship which women enjoy and may very well make her think twice about leaving. For a couple, even poor sex is better than none at all.

It's possible your penis isn't big enough for her. Some women don't have interest in pleasing men whose penis isn't that attractive. I've read about women who suddently become interested in giving oral sex only after their man has increased the size of his penis through various means.

Reston wrote:I just want to be able to get aroused enough so I can enjoy sex with my wife and I don't want her to leave our marriage. I do like to watch pornos on the computer but not every day and I think I'm one of the guys who likes sex with a real girl bettr than masterbating. I also likel girls with big boobs like every other guy and I don't see whats so bad about that. I think if my wife really cared about MY feelings she would do what ever it takes to get me aroused so we can have sex without me having trouble having an orgasam and staying hard for the whole thing. But she won't do it so may just try giving her the oral sex and then masturbating later. If she is having sex she is more happy. I hate this ejaculation problem and I wish I could just pretend to be with someone else when we are having sex but that never works for me. Thank you for answering my question.

It generally goes without saying. (On this thread, I'm assuming that everyone has a right to be heard or present their thoughts or arguments for or against a particular thought or idea.) However, in my view, the size of a male's penis that is in most demand by women is primarily a myth, especially the idea that larger is more male or better. There are so many advertisements on the internet about the "secret" to enlarging this male appendage that it's becoming obnoxious. Wow, if only I could enlarge mine to the size of a telephone pole I would largely have it made (tongue in cheek and a friendly grin on my face)!

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude or mean. On the other hand, perhaps some of us men need to be told that the size of the penis is such a significant attribute for male desireability by some women because after all so many women are often evaluated disproportionately regarding their sexual attractiveness on the basis of the size of their breasts, etc.

Doesn't matter how big it is, if you can't have an orgasm you might as well not have one at all.

Let's keep this thread on track discussing the inibility to ejaculate.

DR. Michael Perelman seems to be one of the few professionals out there who really understands RE. Here are two links.

http://www.sexualhealth.com/question.ph ... ion_id=930

http://www.current-reports.com/article. ... &KeyWords=

Hi,

I understand that RE can be, in part, caused by a sperm production problem. If the body is having a hard time producing sperm all the time then it must also reject having an ejaculation.

I found this web site to be helpful:

www.actionlove.com

Good luck, ladies and gentlemen.

Jay