Situational Retarded Ejaculation

I should clarify that in some types of RE drug treatment may not work.

For RE caused by Traumatic Masturbation Syndrome, mastubatory re-conditioning is the only known cure.

For RE caused by chronic masturbation and/or heavy pornography use, stopping all masturbation and porn watching, combined with psychotherapy is the treatment of choice.

If the chronic masturbation and porn use is diagnosed as an obsessive compulsive disorder, sometimes a drug combination therapy of an SSRI antidepressent and Wellbutrin (to counter the SSRI's sexual side effect of RE ---yes it IS ironic) will be prescribed

For low RE caused by low arousal levels due to lack of sexual attraction to the partner or sexual boredom, marital therapy can sometimes help but of all the causes of RE this is the hardest one to cure.

Drugs are most effective when the RE is caused by performance or other types of anxiety, which is the most common cause of RE.

Hi archer!

thank you for great post!

For RE caused by chronic masturbation and/or heavy pornography use, stopping all masturbation and porn watching, combined with psychotherapy is the treatment of choice.

Ok, I think this is the problem I have. Is psychotherapy neccessary? What type of psychotherapy are you talking about?

I stopped masturbating nd using porn for 10 days now. I didnt have sex with my partner in meantime. I can even feel that my penis became much more sensitive. I feel like if i started to have intercourse with partner, I would reach orgasam in minute or two.

Should I try having sex with her now?
Or buy a viagra before, in case I expirience the "numbness" problem again?

Thanks![/quote]

Hi,

Well the Viagra couldn't hurt, and if anything it will give you confidence and increased sesitivity. Some might argue that if the RE is masturbation/porn induced then just stopping that would be enough. It's a tough call. If you have sex with her again now after stopping the masturbation/porn and you have problems then that might start a performance anxiety cycle that is a whole other problem. The Viagra will cut the chances of this happening, not completely but enough to make a difference.

Viagra is really expensive and you wouldn't want to have to take it every single time you have sex for the rest of your life unless it is absolutely needed to get enough sensitivity to ejaculate. So since it's been awhile since you had sex with your GF, try the Viagra. Once you get a successful rhythm going start to cut back Viagra, cut the pill in hald, then thirds. Use a pill cutter because Viagra is hard to cut evenly. Make sure that when you want to give intercourse a try without the Viagra that you wait 5 days or a week
with no sex or masturbation beforehand.

The whole deal with masturbation and porn in regards to RE is very complicated. The RE is caused by two problems- you have conditioned yourself to only get aroused enough to orgasm by your own hand with a speed and firm grip no vaginal or oral sex can reproduce. And, being male, with the primary arousal sense being visual, you have conditoned yourself to be aroused by porno girls who, as you will read in the linked post below, don't look or act like most girls you are going to have sex with in real life---(unless you are very rich or very good looking-LOL)

Here is a post to another discussion group that explains more about it and especially how it effects younger men who have had a steady diet of porn for many years.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t73356/

Good Luck, let us know how it works out.

which brand of viagra pills would you recommend to me?

We are talking about "off target" applications for Viagra and the others. They were never made to increase penis sensitivity but rather to cause erections. Increased sensitivity is a mere secondary result of the erectile enhancing properties of the drug.

Most men with Re have no problem with erections. As a matter of fact most men with RE do get sufficient arousal to achieve an erection, but not orgasm. This means they can stay erect for much longer than most men because they don't have an erection killing orgasm. There are exceptions. The anxiety that causes most cases of RE is often not apparent to the man. But this anxiety can be amplified when, after many minutes of intercourse, he realizes he is not able to ejaculate. Often times this realization and the amplfied anxiety it causes can stop his erection cold.

In these cases Viagra, Cialis and the other erection enhancing drugs work two fold- they increase penis sensitivity and give the man erectile confidence. As I said, increased penis sensitivity is nothing more than a byproduct of the drug causing enhanced blood flow to the penis.

There have been reports that these drugs can help women suffering Anorgasmia (the female equivilent of RE) by promoting increased blood flow to the clitoris and vulva.

As to types of erection enhancing drugs and brands go here for more info:

http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/MC/00029.html

GUEST:

To answer your question about RE and psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy will help anxiety and chronic porn/masturbation induced RE in some cases.

If your anxiety is a sexual performance type anxiety, psychotherapy or Sex Therapy may help by exploring the root causes. Sometimes just knowing the reasons you feel anxious is enough to start working on bypassing certain negative feelings and anxiety triggers.

The same with sexual anxiety caused by what is called Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) which is anxiety felt most of the time and for many years.

Both these anxiety problems may not be overly apparent to you. You may feel that you are simply over sensitive or easily stressed by life. Unfortunately orgasmic function is very sensitive to any kind of disturbance of the psyche so it doesn't take much to cause RE. You may feel horny and ready to go to a splendid finish but even low level, barely perceptable anxiety will cause you not to reach your orgasmic threshold and ejaculate. Again the numb penis sensation is a syptom of this.

In many cases these anxiety disorders are the result of "family of origin" issues such as childhood verbal, mental or sexual abuse. Drug or alchohol abuse by parent(s) or a low grade depression called Dysthymia which some believe runs in families and could be something you are born with.

If chronic porn and masturbation is the problem, psychotherapy can help by again exploring the roots of this and assessing whether or not this is part of an Obsessive/Compulsive disorder.

Try the pharmacutical approach first before you start spending money on therapy. If it fails go to a Sex Therapist first for evaluation. He or she may be able to help or send you to a Psychologist or a Psychotherapist depending on what is causing the problem.

Great info in your posts, Archer.... Do you practice in the sexual 'dysfunction' field? You really know what you're talking about, and you also seem to 'get it'. Lots of docs are in their own world if you know what I mean.

I get it because I have it . I've had it since I was a teen and I am now 50 years old. Mine is situational but might as well be the generalized type of RE because when I was single it happened with about 60% of the women I was with and in my 20 year marriage it happened with my wife all the time.

I have spent the last 12 years researching RE. I have read pretty well everything out there including most of the medical journals and papers. Pretty well all the books, every internet site (none come close to this one for good info) I've been in therapy which included three different sex therapists (none of whom had any idea how to treat RE) I've been to psychiatrists and psychologists and have been through rigourous physical, psychological and personality testing. Nothing worked until last year when my research paid off and for the first time in many years my wife and I started having sex again. I still have problems ejaculating inside her maybe 2 out of 10 times which is way better than it was when I couldn't ejaculate by any means with here if she was in the same room with me.

There are a few Sex Therapists who "get it" Bernard Apfelbaum in Berkley California (who I have corresponded with) who is a pioneer in the understandng and treatment of RE and Michael A. Perelman at the Presbyterian Hospital in New York seems to know what he's talking about. There is a team at St. Mary's Hospital in London who have written an excellent article that shows a good understanding of the problem. I'd link you to these people but a hard drive crash last summer destroyed most of my research contacts.

The point is very few sex therapists understand what RE is and how to treat it. This is mainly because until recently it was rare, under 5% of males got it although I think because most men with RE can sustain erections and masturbate themselves to orgasm, RE has always been underreported. This changed however when internet porn became to widely available. Suddenly the reported incidences of RE started to shoot up because of masturbation/porn conditioning and most interesting was that the age of men suffering with RE went way down from mid 30's to late teen and 20's- the "porn" generation who have been masturbating to porn since puberty.

Perhaps some of those clueless Sex Therapists will come across this website, we can only hope.

Thanks, Archer, for your great posts!

There's good evidence that you've been through some really frustrating and tough times, especially after coping with RE since being a teen.

I wouldn't ever want to tell you that your RE is anything other then what you've determined through your our experiences and knowledge gained from your research over a very long 12 year period.

Overwhelmingly, the vast majority of posts here are oriented toward the idea that situational retarded ejaculation is linked to psychological conditioning and they and you are probably right.

I would, however, suggest a cautionary thought, that this is only 2005 and the full story is yet to be told. The research and knowledge of RE has picked up some speed recently, even though in the past it has been way too slow and scarce.

My own bias, (which we all have in one degree or other derived from our very own personal experiences and research), is that for myself I want to make sure that my situational RE condition doesn't come from an organic or neurogenic reason and not one solely determined to be psychological or psychogenic. Expended lost time and costs can be horrendous over the long haul until any answers and help arrives. My experience and perhaps a minority or more of others is very different then for some of you. There are 8 or 9 chances out of 10 that my RE came about through a thyroid problem which is being remedied by thyroid treatment (written about in my first post here). Maybe I'm wrong, but I consider the way this has worked for me to be a situational case of RE. Recent research by endocrinologists and sexologists in Italy have confirmed a thyroid (hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism) link to RE and erectile dysfunction in some people.

Researchers have only in the last 2 or 3 years found the "generator" for ejaculation in the lower spinal region (lumbar)of the back (in rats, but applicable to human physiology) and its connection to specific areas of the brain. Like some of you, I want to know the specific physiological pathways in our bodies for ejaculation so that we may consider fresh new ways to overcome RE and still use good common sense while still remembering what has worked for many in the past.

Hey, I'm the first to acknowledge that I'm no expert in this field but I can read and research, and use some of my own 37 years of experience of finding solutions to problems as a self- employed animal nutrition professional.

Thanks, Lax, for your kindness and complimentary remarks after my first post here.

Purely physical causes for RE are very common. Some drugs, diabetes, low testosterone levels, heart disease, central nervous system disease and yes, thyroid dysfunction can all kill penile sensation and retard orgasm. Perhaps you don't see physical causes discussed much here because many can be cured with treatment. They are well known, very definite causes and it is fairly easy for doctors to pinpoint these causes and give the patient a concrete prognosis.

The psychological causes are far more difficult to treat because they may involve problems with childhood abuse, depression, anxiety or any number of traumatic incidences in one's life. The drug treatments and cognitive distraction techniques suggested here are basically work arounds to the syptoms of psychologically caused RE because psychotherapy and sex therapy have a pretty miserable track record with severe RE.

What is needed is a drug that raises levels of sexual desire to the point were the desire overides all else. I have faith the the drug companies will come up with such a drug, hopefully sooner rather than later.