Situational Retarded Ejaculation

Paddy: I believe there was a detailed explanation of using Wellbutrin to treat RE in this thread some time back. I would search this thread with the keyword Wellbutrin.

If I remember it talked about how a combination of Wellbutrin and Viagra would enhance penis sensitivity (the Viagra) and raise dopamine levels in the brain (Wellbutrin), increasing sexual desire.

I've read about it elsewhere too so you might want to Google "Wellbutrin" or maybe "Wellbutrin and sex" something along those lines. Apparently works for anorgasmic women too.

Paddy check this out:

http://archive.salon.com/sex/feature/20 ... ellbutrin/

Thanks a lot Jaime for that,,looks promising, the Viagra part sounds fine just the Wellbutrin makes me a bit cautious,,however im sure research will continue( i hope!!!) at least its something positive..thanks again Jaime..

thanks to all for such an informative forum; i've learned a lot.

and i need to know so much more:
he has been my lover for months with no intercourse: i'd watch himi masturbate until he came in his hand; i'd swallow his cum after he masturbated. he told me he masturbated 2-3 times a day, thinking of me.

finally, we had intercourse--for hours. i decided, "to hell with this," and got on top. 10 minutes later, he said he'd cum for the first time inside a woman.

i was shocked: he'd never cum inside a woman in his life. well, i realized later that he was faking it with me--as he had all his life.

my problem:
how can i discuss this w/him? he's a new lover that has been my friend for months, but i tried to discuss it and he said, "it's too personal." but i want to help him somehow. what can i do for him?
ps. he's taking wellbutrin for depression, he's only 21 and had sex for the first time at 18--8 partners later, he has never cum inside a woman. except, he said, inside of me. . . but i dont think so.

Well as someone who suffers from R.E.,i can understand your boyfriend,as much as i can understand your situation.Its like this,,its a very strange situation to be in ,as a male,its hard for me to understand what the hell is wrong,I get an erection and can masturbate until i orgasm without any trouble at all..but when it comes to having sex through vaginal intercourse,,nothing happens,,and you have to understand the biggest worry of a R.E sufferer is what the girl is thinking..This is one of the roots of the problems,,..However im not going to get all medical,cos im not a doctor just a 25y.o. guy who cant cum inside my girlfriend..It will take a lot of work so to speak on your part,experimenting in diffrent positions,etc..If your boyfriend did really cum last time you had sex,,then maybe its something that can be worked on..

I believe in my case the problem is that I only react to a specific type of manual stimulation that requires feedback from my hand. I.e., I need to feel my penis in my hand. Even a partner cannot get this right (I cannot feel the feeling in their hand). Even more interesting is when I try to simulate vaginal intercourse in a way which does not use my hand I cannot reach orgasm and have a marked reduction in sensitivity not percieved during self manual stimulation. I toyed with the idea of training myself to require less friction/stimulation but have not had success.

So, I think it may be a combination of things
1. Some kind of disorder with the penile nerves
2. Training of my brain to respond only to a specific type of stimulation
3. Due to the nerve disorder, a requirement of additional sensation (penis in hand).

I exerienced this my very first encounter, certainly at that point not long enough to have trained myself ony for masterbation.

I think for many of us a medicinal cure is the only hope. For now, the only thing I can do is to continue to try to train myself to cum hands free. This is tough to do when your body is craving for a good cum forcing you to break down and get a good grip.

Keep the posts cum-ing!

thanks, paddy, for your empathy and understanding:

but i'm still in a quandry about how to "talk" to him about it if he says it's "too personal." right now, he's just avoiding sex altogether. i want to tell him i want to help him, but i fear he won't believe me.

and i'm curious about the "origins" of this disorder:
his childhood was not good: his mom was a crack addict, and her husband (his stepfather) was abusive. i have few details, but i know they lost their home and car because of money problems. could she have sexually abused him--is there any connection between childhood sexual abuse and R.E.?

i am just wondering what the research says.

LiProf: because anxiety is involved and as Paddy said the man worries about what the women is thinking, I believe it is best NOT to talk to him about it. As a matter of fact I would pretend he doesn't even have a problem. Showing concern, no matter how well intentioned, will heighten his anxiety even more perhaps shutting down what little orgasmic capacity he still has.

If he he says something to you about it then I would try to be as casual about it as you can. Even reassurance can give rise to anxiety. Remember there is nothing here that is your fault, it's not that you are doing anything wrong. Just brush it off and tell him what a great orgasm YOU had. That is important for men with RE. They desperately want to please the partner to make up for their percieved inadequacy.

Here is a website where partners of men with RE discuss various ways of dealing with this dysfunction:

http://www.fertilitext.org/ubb/Forum4/HTML/000029.html

There are a lot of posts here but try to read them all as they will provide you with some of the best info on RE to be found on the internet.

Hi all,

I posted a while back about my "success story" and wanted to give a quick update.

Last time I spoke about how successful I felt Wellbutrin ("Zyban" in the UK) combined with Viagra was. Well, the good news is, I've been off the Zyban/Viagra for a number of weeks now and, although the speed with which I can ejaculate has increased (anywhere between 15 mins and 45 mins) it still happens with very high frequency (9 times out of 10).

At a simple level, it could be that the drugs helped increase my sensitivity and therefore enabled me to come during intercourse. On the other hand, given that the causes of RE are probably psychological (through an increased familiarity with masturbation or maybe some childhood trauma, mental block as far as sex is concerned etc.), it could be that the Zyban/Viagra was just the catalyst for removing that mental block and now I don't need it. In answer to a previous question, no, I have never practiced "prone" masturbation.

All I can say to everyone out there who is suffering from RE or who is in a relationship with an RE-sufferer, just keep persevering. Talking about it is SO important in two respects ... 1) So that "she" does not feel it's personal or any bad reflection on her technique or attractiveness 2) So that "he" does not bottle up the feelings and blame himself or, just as importantly, her. I really do believe that talking to my partner about it helped significantly.

Now some technical things..

I still can't come through oral or hand stimulation (unless the hand is my own). 99% of the time I'll only come in the missionary position, when I arch my back so that the top of my penis is stimulated. A couple of weeks ago we had sex in the bunk-bed of a truck (with someone trying to sleep above us, oops) and, for the first time ever, I came while she was on top. We haven't managed to repeat this (yet) but I remain optimistic. Finding the most stimulating position is so important in helping remove that mental block. Try them all. In the past, with my ex-wife, the "spoons" position worked (once) just because of the extra stimulation offered by her buttocks as well as the obvious other parts. Another piece of advice is to go for plenty of foreplay to slowly increase "his" excitement. If you feel yourself getting slightly limper after a few minutes, just stop, have a chat, maybe a bit more foreplay and then try again. Something that I've also found effective is for "her" to pretend she's not involved (e.g. reading a magazine while smoking a cigarette) ... perhaps this is my own personal fetish but it might well work for others.

Hope this helps and, again, good luck...

Ian.

Fantastic news. I can see why the pretending she doesn't care act would work. It would reduce the performance anxiety. I myself have suffered from RE ever since I was a teen (I'm now 42) and the only women I never had problems ejaculating with my any means were prostitutes. I never understood why this is until I read your post. They don't care either! I guess I felt no pressure to perform becasue I was paying! I didn't have to please anyone but myself.

I'm going to see if I can talk my wife into doing some playacting. I wonder if it would be more realistic if she had an orgasm before the playact? So she was satisfied and I wouldn't feel under pressure to make her cum.

Thanks for your post.