Situational Retarded Ejaculation

One could argue that oral sex and especially manual stimulation (by the woman) will have better success for the man with RE than intercourse which of all the three forms of stimulation, gives the least amount of stimulation to the penis.

For men who's RE is not caused by not being attracted to the partner,
the couple should probably not put too much emphasis on ejaculating in the vagina unless they are trying to have kids. Considering that many men cannot ejaculate by any means with a partner, those couples who can achieve it in some manner are the lucky ones.

For men who's RE is being caused by low sexual desire (a major symptom being a numb feeling penis during sex) either due to the sexual attractiveness issue, low self esteem or family of origin (childhood) abuse, the outlook is fairly bleak.

I posted just before you Masterson as Guest.

Was your post directed at me. I'm adding a little more clarification.

My bf and i are both 28 and have been together for almost 2 years. He only cums through oral sex. He tends to prefer doggy style too - I think it is because he takes so long and is trying to concentrate on the sex.

He wants to try anal sex (i'm guessing he has cum through that before perhaps). I'm not so keen on it, but am warming up to the idea.

I haven't asked him so much about his history yet because I was worried about causing further performance anxiety.

When a man can orgasm from a woman giving him oral sex but not through intercourse - does this tend to have a psychological or physical cause? Does it seem it is b/c he isn't attracted to me (haven't had that problem before and am fit etc)?

He is very sexually aggressive and inititates often - he also stays hard the whole time and has not problem getting an erection.

We do have some relationship stress now but this started before then. He recently told though that he feels I have control of the relationship - which I dont feel. I 'll try to delve into this more.

Any thoughts? Does this sound like a treatable version?

I started the conversation with my bf and he said he actually doesn't masturbate on his own.

I'm not sure if this adds to help with a treatment - but I found it to be interesting. This also isn't the first time it's happened - so it isn't just me. I think perhaps due to pride he wasn't specific on if this happened all the time in the past. He did give me enough of an answer for me to know that it did happen before.

Please comment on this (in combo with the previous post).

This forum has been very helpful for me, and made me feel as if i am not alone.

i'm in my late 20's and have never been able to cum with a partner, only through getting myself off in their presence. I think this kind of explains my sexual history which has meant i havent stayed with any one girl too long, always finding an excuse to leave them before they discover my problem and it becomes an issue.

I'm convinced the root of my problem is 2 things:

1. an over reliance on masturbating and porn. i've been doing it since i was about 13, first to magazines, and any image of women i could find, right up to now where i have the internet and access to any porn i like. i am certain i am in some ways addicted to it, although it never feels like sexual excitement, merely something to relieve the boredom
I also have to say when i orgasm it never really feels like a proper orgasm, a full bodied orgasm. it feels more like the relief you feel when you take a wee, only slightly better.
I very occasionally manage to get a proper orgasm, but its very rare, requiring specific mental stimulation of something new.

2. I also feel a lot of performance anxiety during sex. I constantly feel the need to please the partner, my mind during intercourse is always focused on whether shes enjoying it or not, never on my own pleasure. Even during oral sex i can feel my mind wander, and never being able to truely get into it.

I too get the 'numb' feeling in my penis which people have described and can have erections lasting for hours, even being able to ejaculate and still maintain a decent erection sometimes.

I wonder sometimes if my sexual history has anything to do with my problems. I spent most of my teens and early 20's being single, and quite preferring that. so i masturbated a lot, twice a day mostly, sometimes till i was too sore to continue.
My first few sexual experiences were poor, i was unable to penetrate my gf of the time, due to inexperience and this happened with different partners, until i became convinced i couldnt get an erection. This problem seemed to disappear after i managed to achieve penetration a few times.

Anyway i'm seeing a girl right now, but i dont want to have this problem so i'm going to stop masturbating for a couple of weeks, not look at porn and see if this helps at all. its gonna be difficult.

I was relieved to find out that there are others that experience this problem and that it was not just something in my head. I should be glad my man isn't a minute man right? But it really is devestating to me. I don't know how this affects him, he doesn't talk about it.

I've been with my boyfriend (he's 37 and I'm 35) for 4 1/2 years, living with him for 3 1/2 years. We own a local business and for all outward appearances, we have a happy affectionate relationship. He tells me he loves me, he is very affectionate in public and private and like to touch and kiss me often. We spend alot of time togeather and are best friends. During our whole relationship, he has only cum in me twice. Meanwhile, he makes me cum everytime.

The relationship started out as a bar hook up. But that first time time, he couldn't cum at all and barely got hard. I thought it was the alcohol, and he said that he hadn't been with a woman in a long while. I was patient and encouraging. Sex is a fun thing not a stressful thing. Right?

As time progressed, his erections got harder, yet he still couldn't finish inside me. He chaulked it up to "lack of stamina" as the reason he couldn't cum. I found myself choosing to believe this, but the reality is that it cannot be true . . . . he's a drummer and drums minimum of 3 hours 3 times a week. Not the sign of a person who lacks stamina. Instead of finishing, he would roll off me and finish himself. Many times I would ride him, but after 45 minutes I would roll off him and be thankful that he would just finish himself off. Unlike alot of the men in other posts, he can masterbate to completion with me present with and without my help. We have tried the masterbating til he comes close, then him entering me, but then looses it. We always finish with him wanking and me helping.

Now, it's been 4 years of this and we are no closer than where we started. I know he masterbates without me, although I couldn't say for certain how much but I imagin its pretty regular. I know he looks at online porn, but that doesn't bother me. He shows me what he's been looking at so I can only assume that it doesn't bother him either. We've watched porn togeather. Still same ending. We still have what we call sex, but what amounts to mutual masterbation at least once a week -- sometimes more, sometimes less.

I have turned this around in my mind and I don't know if it's situational (in that this problem has only been with me). I'm going crazy and I don't even know if talking with him about it would help -- it hasn't in the past. And the worst, most distressful thing (after reading these posts) is to think that it might have been my fault all the time, that in our "bar hookup" he might have settled for me due to lack of self-esteem and can't leave me for similar reasons. That would mean he has always lacked sufficient desire to cum in me!

Fear of intimacy is a definate possiblility, fear of pregnacy is not, as the stituation didn't change with the absence or presence of birthcontrol. Now I don't even bother, because there is a next to nil chance of getting pregnate the way we are doing it.

I occolate between leaving him and staying with him. Leaving him seems so petty, as there are great things about our relationship. Staying with him in as situation that could get worse seems so bleak. And though all of this I feel I'm problably making more of this that what I should. There are positive days when it doesn't bother me and I am thankful for having a nice loving man, and like today negative ones that leave me asking why me?

Thanks for letting me tell my story.

I have the same problem as starman, though i'm probably about a decade younger, the internet and easy access porn is probably the source of my problem. Because of this site and other articles that i've researched i was able to realize the problem early, now i'm trying to take steps to solve it. I've stopped looking at porn, and i'm trying to teach myself ways to relax during sexual experiences to keep my mind from wandering. the last time me and my girlfriend tried i could feel a difference. i hope it's only a matter of time.

Erectile Dysfunction now is not a serious problem. There are various pills and medicines available in the market. You have to consult your doctor before taking any ED pill. Some of the best pills available in the market are Cialis, Viagra and Levitra.

To know more about these pills visit http://www.cialismagic.com.
You can also read various articles and related information about ED on this site.

I've been reading this (fascinating) thread on and off for the past few weeks. Time to post.

First a little history...

I've suffered from RE for as long as I can remember. Until a couple of months ago I could count the number of times I've ejaculated during intercourse on one hand (no thumb required). I was married for nearly 6 years (separated a year ago) and the only times I ever ejaculated with my wife during intercourse were twice during our honeymoon and a couple of times later on. One of these later occasions was the conception of our daughter, during which I masturbated until "very close" and then went in. It seemed to work (more by luck than judgement I suspect).

Since my separation I've slept with a number of women, none of whom I could ever claim to have had anything more than a sexual interest in.

I've finally met a girl whom I've fallen completely in love with. The first few times we had sex, of course, my RE was fully apparent. We would have intercourse for a long time, I would eventually pull out and finish myself off. I've never had a problem reaching orgasm in the presence of another woman, just a problem during intercourse. I can empathise with the feeling of "numbness" described by another poster on this thread. My current girlfriend is probably the first partner ever who has expressed genuine concern about my condition and who convinced me that it was not normal.

Inspired by her concern I set about finding out as much about it as possible. This thread, in particular, provided me with plenty of ideas about the possible cause. I reached the conclusion that the main reasons for my RE were:

- Low self esteem (a problem that has plagued me since my teenage years but is now finally starting to sort itself out)
- Excessive Masturbation (my largely sexless marriage led me to become a masturbation expert. Internet porn provided the required visual stimulation in abundance)
- Depression (something I've suffered from on and off for the last 2 years)

I decided to try the following in order to "cure" myself:

- Complete abstention from masturbation
- Starting a course of Wellbutrin (known as "Zyban" over here in the UK ... it can't be prescribed for depression in the UK but is licensed as a give-up-smoking aid). If you can't get a doctor to prescribe (e.g. if you're not a smoker) then it's easily available from a number of UK online pharmacies.
- Occasional use of Viagra
- Occasional use of Sudafed (Decongestant/anti-allergy)

It seems to have worked. A few weeks ago, completely unexpectedly, I ejaculated during intercourse. Ever since I'd say I achieve the same about 2 times out of 3 so it's not a fluke.

I'm now starting to analyse carefully the situations when I can't manage to ejaculate. I've concluded the following:

- Alcohol is bad
- If I took my Zyban more than 2-3 hours beforehand it's difficult
- Lack of viagra doesn't help (but doesn't always seem to be essential)
- Certain times of the month, my girlfriend seems much more lubricated than normal, in which case, any sensation on my part is hard to achieve
- Any other position other than missionary with me arching my back upwards seems to fail

Good luck to everyone else suffering from this. I just wanted to post my own success story as motivation for others.

Ian.

Do you suffer from TMS (traumatic masturbatory syndrome) Ian?
This is when a guy masturbates by rubbing against a mattress or other object rather than using his hand & causes non-ejaculation.
Check out http://www.healthystrokes.com/index.html

I am 30 years odl, and I have never been able to ejaculate. I have ssen a urologist, who insists everything is viable for me to ejaculate, but I never do,t hrough masturbation, or with a woman. I get some seepage of pre-ejaculate, and feel a reasonable ammount of pleasure both from sex and masturbation, but I simplay cannot achieve an orgasm, no matter how long I am stimulated. I've tried vibrators, sex therapy, everything. I am told that it's the case that some men just can't achieve orgasm.

I do not take any medications. Needless, to say, the women in my life find this very frustrating, as do I.

THe is a lot here on Situational Retarted Ejaculation, but I can find almost nothing on Primary - can anyone direct me?