Situational Retarded Ejaculation

Hi,

I'm a psychology graduate student who's completely in love with her boyfriend...But I'm taking psychopathology and it seems as though he might have Male Orgasmic Disorder...He's super-attentive and wonderful and loving but when we have sex, he ejaculates by intercourse about 20% of the time---we usually have intercourse and he ends up getting a handjob or by oral sex. He also always seems to want to be engaging in sexual stimulation...this means that he seems to have super-human erection abilities but it's very hard for him to ejaculate. It's been kind of hard for me to get used to...Do you think I'm misdiagnosing him? This relationship means a lot to me and it's very young so I don't really know how to approach him about it...What do you think?

Thanks

I confronted my boyfriend about it and he didn't react too well...He denied it and said it was unlikely that he has it. I feel so terrible about all this but figured it might be a sound idea to confront it now instead of later...

In retrospect, I realized that he does indeed seem to oral sex or a handjob over having an orgasm through intercourse. He is able to come to ejaculation through intercourse sometimes, however (maybe a third of the time we have sex). Sometimes it takes him a little long (20-30 minutes) while at other times, he'll come sooner.
He only likes to do it from behind--once he mentioned something about looking at the person's face.

He is ridiculously sexual, however--he wants to come to ejaculation all the time, any time...Every morning, every evening, etc.

Needless to say, this situation is wrecking havoc on my self-esteem. I don't know if he is suffering from RE but aside from this, it's the best relationship I've ever had...He's the kindest, funniest and most handsome person I've ever been with and we've talked about marriage. Should I run the other way????

Im no doctor but from what ive read on these pages it doesnt sound as though he has it. Coming 33% of the time through intercourse is a hell of a lot more than most people here, do you really come from sex every time? Does he come through oral? If so he definitly doesnt seem to have it

I have to agree. We women can be awfully demanding of men when it comes to sex. We shouldn't pathologize someone just because he doesn't follow the "norm". Some men are just more sensitive than others. Same with women. This makes them more attentive to their partners, but also more distractible when it comes to experiencing pleasure for themselves. It only hurts your self-esteem because society and the media have led us to believe all men are supposedly able to have perfect erections and ejaculations on demand 24/7. Some aren't. Everybody's different. By the way, I think if you harp on it, it will only make him feel bad about himself. I don't think that's what you want to do in this case.

Thank you everyone.

I had a search about taking ages to cum, but not when on your own, and I wound up at this site.

This thread has been brilliant.

Thankfully, I have someone who wants me to teach her how to make me cum, and thankfully, I do love her. Which is always an advantage...

I will post back here in time and tell you how we getting on. And if its not working, you might be able to advise us on what to do.

"He is ridiculously sexual, however--he wants to come to ejaculation all the time, any time...Every morning, every evening, etc.

Needless to say, this situation is wrecking havoc on my self-esteem. I don't know if he is suffering from RE but aside from this, it's the best relationship I've ever had...He's the kindest, funniest and most handsome person I've ever been with and we've talked about marriage. Should I run the other way????"

I say: Stay with him...due to "He's the kindest, funniest and most handsome person I've ever been with". People like us are very hard to find

and to: "He is ridiculously sexual, however--he wants to come to ejaculation all the time, any time...Every morning, every evening, etc.
Needless to say, this situation is wrecking havoc on my self-esteem"

I say: Tell him. Speak to him. Let him know how you feel. To quote something sometime once "9/10 relationships could be saved if the couple only spoke to each other more". So do that. If he loves you (which he must) then it WILL NOT be a problem.

i posted this on another board but thought may be helpful here too

SUCCESS STORY!!!!!
Just thought I would let you guys know that I just had sex and came within about 4 minutes! (i dont care if thats too quick!) I deleted all the porn from my computer, and had not masturbated for about 3 days (quite a long time for me!) and I completely bared in mind what this beautiful person here said...

http://www.the-penis.com/premejac.html# ... ring%20sex

Basically the most important parts was not giving a crap if i came or not, and that as he put it, my orgasm is for no one else other than me. I managed to put out of my mind completely what my girlfriend was thinking about me (i had masturbated and came in front of her the other night, so she knew I could come). I had given her head just before so she was very wet and there was lots of lubricant for me and it felt great!

So sorry if this annoys anyone but just try and relax, I totally fitted all the cases here, I cared too much about pleasuring the other person, and I have a bit of a fear of being hated by anyone so I tend to overcompensate. Be SELFISH! Pleasure youre woman first, so that you know she is happy, then take your turn, enjoy yourself and just relax

I think I have a mild case of RE. I find myself wanting to please my partner before me. I used to masturbate to porn on a regular basis. When i have vaginal sex I can cum, it takes a little while but it does happen. But when it comes to oral (i love oral) I just cant.

I agree with the person that said that someone who masturbates a lot to porn will have a bigger problem cuming. That makes perfect sense. Like some of you said your brain is used to the feeling of your hand and the images of porn that you cant cum unless those two factors are present.

Im going to have sex today and im going to test the following theories:

1. I haven’t masturbated or seen porn in two days
2. Im not going to think about her pleasures and just relax and think about how good everything feels.

I was thinking about treatment and what about hypnosis? I dont know if you consider it a form therapy but maybe a good hypnotists can reprogram the brain to make you forget about the women’s pleasure and focus on your own, or something along those lines

I'm curious what you think of this situation:

I've been dating my bf for almost 2 years. He stays hard forever and comes through oral sex.

However, he doesn't come through vaginal sex. He also doesn't perform oral sex on me.

I am frustrated that I can only make him come through oral sex. It makes me feel inadequate. He initiates sexual activity frequently and becomes erect easily and maintains the erection forever.

Does this sound like RE? How can I discuss this with him without making the situation worse.