Situational Retarded Ejaculation

Have you tried viagra. Or falacio. Until you can find out what is going on anyway.

I think what she misses as with most women, is the other aspects of the act. the forplay, the want, the passion, the knowing that you still want her.

Do you know what has caused this?

ddee wrote:

"Have you tried viagra. Or falacio. Until you can find out what is going on anyway."

ddee: he is suffering from retarded ejaculation, not erectile difficulty.
Sometimes RE patients will lose their erections but this is caused by stress due to the inability to ejaculate.

And I believe he said he can't orgasm "by any means" with his wife. This would mean "falacio" (sic) as well as intercourse.

Besides Viagra does not work for arousal disorders which is what most cases of RE are. IF RE could be fixed by taking Viagra this dicussion group would probably not exist.

Thanks for the info. on the falacio, I meant on his wife.

I think this problem is so frustrating, I've been having some kind of problem with it myself. Not in the same sense, of course being a woman. It's just numbness.

I'm thinking in my case it could be my meds.

ddee--as you probably already know SSRI antidepressents will cause numbness of the clitoris in women and in the penis with men. SSRI's actually CAUSE retarded ejaculation in men and anorgasmia in women.

As a matter of fact SSRI antidepressents are sometimes used to treat PREMATURE ejaculation.

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 3:52 pm Post subject: Alcohol and RE

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Ok, I have to ask, despite reading all the posts. I am 32, boyfriend is 33. We have been together off and on for 7 years. Crucial fact, I believe he is an alcoholic. He drinks pretty much every night. He gets off work around 1230 or 1 AM 3-4 nights a week, and then aaround 6 pm the other nights. On the nights that he gets off around 6 pm, he will drink for anywhere from 4-7 hours. We have had some problems in our relationship, but have worked to correct those. We had the problem of him not being able to ejaculate from time to time in the past, I believe related to the alcohol. This usually corrected itself in the morning after some sleep. Lately, however, he just doesn't seem to be able to ejaculate with me at all. I know he has masturbated to porn in the past, but he states he hasn't done it recently. He recently asked me if we could look at porn while having sex, to which I agreed because it doesn't bother me at all. He swears up and down it isn't me, has stated "it's probably the booze," or "I'm just tired." He says that he still enjoys sex without orgasm and he has "always been about pleasing the woman." He has even asked me, You have no reason to complain," aas I am a woman who is able to have multiple orgasms. The only thing is, I feel as if I am not doing something right, or as some of the posts suggested, that he must no longer be attracted to me. He does not have difficulty getting an erection, although it is not as hard when he has been drinking. It is frustrating me, because I feel I must not be doing the right thing, and perhaps the boom is about to lower. I also worry that he is more frustrated than he lets on. In this case, is it likely the alcohol? Does long-term alcohol abuse cause this problem to get worse, even when the alcohol has had some time to wear off, such as in the morning? Or is it really me?? There isn't a lot of info on the posts about alcohol and its effects. Pardon my french, I understand the "beer-dick" thing, but does this progress with chronic drinking. He did say the last time that he masturbated he was able to ejaculate. Help!!

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You don't find alchohol on RE causation lists probably because heavy drinking would effect most men's ability to have an erection first
but it can and does effect ejaculation for those men who manage to get it up. It acts on penis sensitivity somewhat like the SSRI antidepressants mentioned in the post above. But it also dulls all the senses and makes the whole body numb as well as the penis.

But it sounds like he has some other stuff going on too. Those shifts are murder on the body which never gets proper rest because of the constantly changing sleep and wakeup times. If he isn't getting much exercise that too can a general lack of sexual energy. If he is the type of man who needs a lot of stimulation to have an orgasm, he needs to be energized, rested and fully receptive to the physical and visual stimulation you are giving him.

If he is not a heavy porn user he may be trying to use porn's intense arousal to compensate for what sounds like a purely physical reason for his RE...booze and exhaustion. In other words it sounds like he does NOT have the more severe form of RE (psychogenic) and his kind of RE is much easier to treat.

He probably can't do much about the shifts but he can start getting in shape. Booze is a sex killer so rather than sitting around drinking a swim at the YMCA or a walk or slow jog around the neighborhood
will probably do wonders for his ejaculation problem. He should try to get more sleep too. Lack of a good rest can cause low sexual desire and that too can manifest itself as retarded ejaculation.

RE caused by lack of attraction to the spouse/G.F. is usually accompanied by a complete lack of sex and heavy masturbation and/or porn use. If he is making the effort then his sexual dysfunction most likely has nothing to do with you or your sexual desirability.

To whomever responded, thank you. I hope that is the case, but there are days when he has all day that he can sleep. I, myself, work 1130-midnight or 330-midnight. I feel that porn may be an issue, as he asked me to look at it with him recently for the first time. He denies that he looks at it frequently, but I feel that this might be otherwise. He actually is able to get it up, but he calls it "the semi-hard, really can't do much" after drinking. The other night he was drunk, and made the effort, but being that I want him to enjoy sex as well, I tried to finish him off. When I did, he stated, "it's at that point in the night where it's not going to happen, maybe if Rachel Hunter or Stephanie Seymour walked in the door. . ." My friend says this was disrespectful, but I felt he was just trying to make a joke, maybe to cover up his feelings. I guess I am wondering if heavy porn use can make it impossible for him to get off under "normal" circumstances with me. He wasn't drinking as heavily before, and while this did occur, it didn't occur with as much frequency. I mentioned that to him and even though he has said "I have a feeling it's probably the booze," he said that had nothing to do with that? Confused, I was. . . I guess I am wondering too, if sex is just as enjoyable even if he doesn't come. He has always said he is "about the woman." I guess my biggest concern, which you addressed, is that he isn't attracted to me, and the advances come because he is drunk, but I can't even say that really, because he usually wakes me up in nice ways in the morning as well, once the alcohol has worn off. I appreciate your insight and whatever else you have to offer!

Situational Retarded Ejaculation is mainly caused by two things. In single men it is usually performance anxiety that causes the problem. In married men it is caused by the fact that the man is not longer sexually attracted to his wife. In the first case the man is not aroused enough to ejaculate because of the anxiety. In the second he is not aroused enough due to the lack of visual stimulation or because of relationship difficulties in the marriage. In this case frequent solo masturbation and/or pornography use can amplify the dysfunction.

This pertains to SITUATIONAL RE only. Primary RE in which the man has trouble ejaculating or cannot ejaculate at all, in all cases, is a symptom of a psychological problem usually rooted in family of origin or sexual abuse issues in childhood.

I masterbated for 10 yrs from 16 to 27 almost 3 times a week .
watched pron sometimes and masterbated too.
i was virgin when i got married at age 27.

during initial sex period 4-5 times i tried sex with condom
and i couldnt cum even after 1 hr sex .
I was unknown about RE then , I though condom was the culprit
and got rid of it .
Then i tried sex without condom and had 50% ejaculation
after 30 min of sex time.

But all my friend told they ejaculated after 2-3 mins
i wonder why it took me 30 mins sometimes unsuccesfull too
and 50% of times my penis would go numb.

due to work i had to stay away from my wife for 4 months
and when we met again and had sex i didnt had orgasm at all
and i started masterbating after sex.

i was shocked in space of 4 months things got worsed instead
of getting better. then i was convinced i had RE.


All this while i was doing sex in missionary position.where i was unsuccesful in reaching orgasm.


Then when we had sex woman on top fashion, fast which
would match the movement of my hand when i masterbated.
with woman on top pose i started getting orgasm everytime we tried it within 5 mins.
Surprise Surprise !!!

Now all experts tell me whether i suffer from RE or not ?

I still cant reach orgasm in missionary posing or any other pose
like Doggy or oral sex.

Only Woman on top works...


Let me tell you why it works.
to understand that i have to explain my masterbating technique i had.
i used to lye in bed facing up. and used to grip my penis
with the foreskin(uncircumsied penis) and i had to stretch
my legs and toes and hold my legs tight then only
i could succesfully masterbate and had orgasm.
I could not have orgasm if i folded my legs or masterbated while
standing up or sitting with legs folded.

Also i could only reach orgasm with my left hand..
if i tried my right hand it didnt work ..

So my penis/brain was locked onto only one method and position
and if i did it correctly only i got orgasm.

this was all b4 marraige.

So after marraige i could reach orgasm while having sex
the usual style .

Only woman on top which is similar to the way i masterbate
all my life worked and have orgasm this way.


this was my story ...
hope it helps someone out here in forum.


Please let me know your though on weather iam a RE or not ?

does anyone have similar story to tell . pls share


Thanks
Jason NJ

TO Dr. Masterson,
There shouldn't be any issues of "performance anxiety" in a 7 year relationship should there?? If I ask my bf about it, he says "you know this happens." Then if I ask him if it is because he isn't attracted to me he says I am "being stupid." The frequency has definitely gone down, but he is still initiating, see my previous post for more info. He is very much about "pleasing the woman first," and has always been that way. It is just giving me a complex, because a friend of mine's husband said that he can't ejaculate because he is no longer attracted to me. He said it wasn't the alcohol. This happened last night, and my bf had had 10-12 beers and 3 or liquor shots. He was able to get an erection, and start, but after I went a couple times he said "it just isn't happening for me tonight." But I can't think of a recent time when he did ejaculate?? Any help please??
Thanks