Situational Retarded Ejaculation

I suppose if one had a choice between say, erectile difficulty, premature ejaculation and retarded ejaculation. Retarded ejaculation would be the one to have, at least from the partner's point of view.

The profile of this dysfunction and those who have it tells the whole story.

Super attentive lovers who focus entirely on the pleasure
of the partner.

Because of their low self esteem they can only feel worthwhile
during sex by leaving their partners completely satisfied (and exhausted)

Will make love like Don Juan to women who he is not even aroused by (especially those women) and can carry on marathon lovemaking sessions trying desperately to prove his expertise as a lover despite his unaroused state.

He manages to get and keep a hard erection that can last for hours and, under circumstances where most men would not be able to get an erection at all ie: in a completely unaroused state.

Outside the bedroom he is usually a kind, sensitive and loving companion who avoids stress or arguments in the relationship even if he is full of rage and resentment at his partner's easy orgasms and sexual satisfaction.

Well I wouldn't wish any of the sexual dysfunctions you mentioned on any man but you are wrong about retarded ejaculation being the best of a bad lot and here's why.

Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are easily curable by the use of drugs. Viagra in the case of ED and SSRI antidepressents (taken a few hours before sex) in the case of PE.

RE on the other hand can only be cured by intense psychosexual therapy, sometimes lasting years and even that has a very low cure rate.

Plus the likelihood of marital breakup in couples where the man has RE is far higher than for other male sexual dysfunction.

This brings me to one other thing. You are right about the RE patient's almost superhuman lovemaking ability. But, after a time most retarded ejaculators, frustrated in a long term relationship with a partner they are not only not sexually attracted to and can't even ejaculate (by any means in most cases) with, will stop having sexual relations entirely and turn to masturbating alone, which is the only way they can achieve orgasm.

I don't have to tell you that after a few years in this situation, most women will leave the marriage further increasing the man's feeling of rage, guilt and low self esteem.

While I agree this is a problem of low arousal in most cases I think that therapies such as Counterbypassing and sensate focus are both simply treating the symptoms of a much deeper problem. These men weren't born this way. One becomes anorgasmic usually due to past trauma. Treating this dysfunction with a "here and now method" may work for some men but in my experience it takes intensive psychotherapy to find the roots of the problem. Perhaps the cure rate of this malady would substancially increase if we treat the cause not the effect.

I haven't seen anybody mention Sexual Aversion Disorder in relation to retarded Ejaculation. In both primary and secondary S.A.D. retarded ejaculation can be a symprtom of the aversion, especially if the SAD is situational.

Because retarded ejaculators can function sexually at an extremely high level without being aroused, those whose RE is but a symptom of SAD can also seemingly conquer the aversion toward the partner. Of course, the body betrays the aversion by leaving the patient unable to ejaculate.

IF the normal causal factors of RE are not present, a diagnosis of sexual aversion disorder should be considered. Other than RE the therapist may also see definite aversion symptoms such as disgust at seeing the partner naked, axiety and disgust at the partners touch. When kissing the patient feels revulsion, sometimes complaining of the way the partner uses her tongue.

Feelings of revulsion and disgust of the partner and anxiety and avoidence of sexual contact are hallmarks of Sexual Aversion Disorder.

The whole gamut of male orgasmic problems usually stem from one family of origin issue or perhaps past trauma.

Retarded Ejaculation, Sex Aversion, Low Self Esttem, Performance Anxiety and Psychogenic E.D. can all be treated with different forms of psychotherapy that explore the patient's past.

Treatments such as Counterbypassing and Sensate Focus rarely work unless the the root causes of the sexiual and emotional difficulties are rooted out.

I disagree with Brandt. Atypical maturbation patterns don't explain why, in situational cases such as Dr. Greene's, why these men have no difficulty ejaculating with women other than their partners. You would think if the problem was caused by by a man being sensitized to his own touch through masturbation, that the RE would be seen in all attempts at intercourse with all partners.

I think it is safe to say that this is a desire/arousal disorder and an investigation not of why he can's ejaculate with this one particular partner, but why he CAN ejaculate with others will provide anwers.
IN other words what is missing in sex with the partner that is not when the patiient has sex with others. I agree with the poster who suggested a performance anxiety problem that increases anxiety and prevents ejaculation in a relationship where the patient feels some kind of responsibility toward the partner.

Here's some Apfelbaum wisdom on the net. It isn't about RE per se but it is about sexual dysfunction. You can clearly see why the man is a genius in the field of sex therapy- way, way ahead of anybody else working today.

http://www.bapfelbaumphd.com/performanc ... xiety.html

When it comes to the type of patient described by Dr Greene in this thread's orginal post, I'd like to suggest that this may very well be a dysfuntion inside another dysfuntion. The first being the Retarded Ejaculation itself and the second being what I like to call "The Coolidge Syndrome"

Coolidge Syndrome may just be the way to describe many situational psychogenic male sexual dysfuntions such as; partner specific (psychogenic) retarded ejaculation, partner specific (psychogenic) erectile dysfunction, partner specific (psychogenic) sexual aversion disorder and partner specific (psychogenic) sexual arousal disoder or low libido.


What all these "Coolidge Syndrome" patients have in common is the inability to become fully sexually aroused with anyone but a new partner that the patient has never had sex with before.

They need the heightened excitement of a new partner (new conquest?) to be able to function at full sexal capacity. Needless to say this can make having any kind of relationship extremely difficult.

Animal studies and the study of early man (see below) confirm that many male mammals will only mate with a new female. With "Coolidge Syndrome" patients It is almost as if these men are unable experience the higher brain functions that lead to feelings of love and intimacy. Indeed there are actually repulsed by these very notions. These men find relationships in general to be very stressful, and this manifests itself in a psysical dysfuntion such as the type of retarded ejaculation and ED mentioned above.

In summary I believe that these men have sexually regressed or fallen into a primitive thinking patter that has a biological history and indeed was probably at one time in the distant past a survival/mating instinct. Psychotherapy should seek to treat this regression.

for more information on the science of "The Coolidge Effect" see:
http://www.heretical.com/wilson/coolidge.html

I realize the vast number of patients with RE are suffering from an arousal disorder but what about men who ARE attracted to their partners and still can't ejaculate? Could they be suffering from this Coolidge Syndrome too and not realize it?

Men for whom basic arousal is not the precipatating factor in RE are usually suffering a type of performance anxiety. In most men this kind of anxiety would manifest itself as an erectile dysfunction. Why the retarded ejaculator has inhibited orgasm rather than ED is not well understood but is thought to have something to do with low self esteem. As had been mentioned before, whether it is lack of arousal or performance anxiety, low self esteem causes the RE patient to have automatic erections despite either not being sexually aroused or having performance related anxiety. He feels he SHOULD be able to have intercouse and (so the partner will not reject him) It is almost as if he subconciously "wills" an erection. But again, this process is little understood.