Asking ladies an embarassing question.

I'm a 61 year old man who is reasonably healthy. Lately, when I'm with the woman I love and the mood is right, I can't get my mojo working. Nothing gets a rise out of me. My lover is quiet, accepting and reassuring and seems happy to lay quietly together in each other's arms. This is all very nice for 90 year olds, but we are in our early 60's!

Tell me, what thoughts and feelings would you have in a situation like this? Maybe you can tell me something that she is holding back.
What would you like me to do?

I'm pretty sure it isn't meds. I've recently been weaned of everything down to a low dose of Effexor.
My doctor put me on supplemental testosterone about 4 months ago just because my blood levels were down. I thought that might get things cooking. No luck, but I have higher energy generally and am growing hair back on my legs. The doctor also did a whole lot of blood tests and didn't find anything unusual.

I was on Effexor andhad trouble climaxing. I am a woman BTW. I was also with a guy once who took Viagra. I didn't think it was a big deal and he was late 20s. Also he was a weirdo, but that's besides the point! If I liked a guy, I would be understanding.

If you are in a relationship you should be able to talk about it, she also needs to know it's not something that she is doing wrong. I think ED is talked about enough these days that people realize it and espectically at your age.

Lifelonglearner wrote: If I liked a guy, I would be understanding.

I tell her it is not her problem. I adore her and find her very attractive. It is clearly me because I felt things dropping in the year before we met. Just now, it is a total no go. She is very understanding. Just being close is reward enough I guess.

Thanks.

I'm a 58 y.o. guy (also in reasonably good health) and have had prostate (BPH)-caused issues. The meds have affected me negatively in the sex department intermittently, but I would rather not be peeing myself, I like to empty most of my bladder at a rest stop and I don't feel ready to wear an absorbent pad yet.
I realize that my circulation down there has deteriorated as I age (especially lately) and there may come a day when it is desirable to have my prostate removed. Until then, I work with my primary physician and urologist and we all monitor the situation.
Get a complete physical and talk to your doctor about your options about this. I'm sure that there are things that can help.
Best of luck to you both.

skilsaw wrote:Tell me, what thoughts and feelings would you have in a situation like this? Maybe you can tell me something that she is holding back.
What would you like me to do?

Hi Skilsaw,

I would have the same answer your partner had. I'm a woman in my early 30's.

If I feel love and connection from my partner I wouldn't feel threatened or that I'm to blame. Nor I would say he's to blame. It's just a situation that we both would have to handle together.

Hmmm... If this is a persisting situation and maybe she wants to orgasm, ask her what would you want her you to do. Maybe you could please her in other ways. Oral? Masturbation? Toys? Depending on what she likes.

You could also explore other... tools. My partner and I enjoy sexting, cybersex and astral sex. So you guys could look up other options and see if anything seems interesting for you to do without the need of penetration.

Sea

You could also try a strap on just to get things started.

[Tell me, what thoughts and feelings would you have in a situation like this? Maybe you can tell me something that she is holding back.
What would you like me to do?]

Most women are just happy to have an orgasm, no matter how it happens, and, frankly, for a woman, intercourse is not the best way to have an orgasm.
When I first started dating my partner he had a touch of psychological ED (his now ex wife had refused to have sex with him the last 8 years they were married), but I told him I was not worried, I had had an orgasm, and I felt good, I was sorry for him, but he had satisfied me. And through all the years that I have had sex (20 years before I met him) and now, 20 years since we have been together, I really was satisfied with my own orgasm, the act of sex never interested me.
Of course, I do admit if none of the guys I had been with had insisted on having intercourse, I might have lost respect for them, but I did not know them, I now know my partner, so if he suddenly could not have sex, well, he is 68 and on blood pressure tablets so it is not that he does not desire me.

My (now Ex) had a problem with his lack of "need" for sex and he is much younger than you are, i dont think it is an age thing your right, 60 isnt old i know a few sexually active 60+
My ex has poor circulation (he thinks) though he wont go to the doctors and ask about it, in the 4 years we were together he never had "morning wood" i always thought this was strange but we never spoke about it ...over time i began to feel that he just didnt love me or find me attractive (im a pwBPD) so as you can imagine the relationship was intense at times.

You have the communication we never had, so you have understanding for each other and i liked reading that, As Maree12 said she was happy with her orgasm so intercourse wasn't needed

Have you asked her if you should just play a little for her pleasure ?
does pleasing her excite you still ?

My ex explained recently that he feels sex is a chore and he gets no pleasure for himself ...but if i had have done all the work every time then that would have been ok
note: he also believes porn and masturbation has desensitized his parts that's needed to perform.
Sexually he feels broken and hes much younger

Ask her if she'd like you to do something to please her and work from there

Oh, what wonderful ladies you are..so understanding and supportive !! But what happens if the man is having ED problems and suggests oral or toys or mutual masturbation as a way round the problem...and his wife says 'that's not me, so we'll just have cuddles from now onward, that will be fine ". What is the husband's way forward from that? The wife is perfectly happy and the man is rejected, bitter and frustrated....not an ideal situation !!!

donedge wrote:Oh, what wonderful ladies you are..so understanding and supportive !! But what happens if the man is having ED problems and suggests oral or toys or mutual masturbation as a way round the problem...and his wife says 'that's not me, so we'll just have cuddles from now onward, that will be fine ". What is the husband's way forward from that? The wife is perfectly happy and the man is rejected, bitter and frustrated....not an ideal situation !!!

If shes not willing to help you in the situation you described then you have a problem, ED has to be understood not dismissed so im sorry to say if she does'nt see things as a problem then its very unfair (cant believe im going to say this but) ...i would stop pleasing her for a bit, let her feel what its like to be sexually frustrated (as ive said in other posts) both have to experience what the other is feeling or they will never truly understand (if its not happening to them, they will never know how its really feels)