Performance anxiety help!!!

Oh, proper relationships are so passé!

Seriously though, i feel like the idea of a one-off encounter, like a one night stand, is very romanticized in the media. I can't say with impunity, but I don't think it is quite as casual or overwhelmingly frequent as it seems.

If this situation is something you really want, I totally respect your goals and hope you the best developing further toward reaching it. However, I don't think it's healthy to see an idealized, emotionally unattached, one-night-stand sort of encounter as something every Joe on the street can easily take part in. That seems like you're just discounting yourself and your abilities.

If it helped to be more 'playful' in a situation, even sexual, I say go for it.
You seem very earnest and I appreciate that. Don't discount yourself in lieu of society's standards of emotional and physical contentment!

I've arranged to get my testosterone checked. I've had to fight tooth-and-nail just to get this blood test due to the NHS here in the UK.
That will maybe help rule out one possibility.

I also have high blood pressure despite being young, so that may play a part?

I'm still not sure whether it's more a matter of anxiety or am I just not 'horny' enough for some reason.

I've also stopped watching porn in case i've become too desensitised from watching it too much.

Just from reading around, it seems that most guys can get erections much easier than me.
Certainly 99% of guys would get an erection if a pretty girl was playing with their penis. I'd need to be exploring her body, though.

Some people even say they get an erection from seeing a pretty girl in the street!! I don't think i've had that since I was a horny 13 year old!

subterfuge wrote:Some people even say they get an erection from seeing a pretty girl in the street!! I don't think i've had that since I was a horny 13 year old!

I think that would be extraordinarily inconvenient. A brilliant thing to grow out of!

I've arranged to get my testosterone checked. I've had to fight tooth-and-nail just to get this blood test due to the NHS here in the UK.

Good for you! Hope it's helpful. And it definitely evidences that this isn't something you're willing to ignore. Which should mean if it isn't a helpful result. That it'll be that bit easier to go further with diagnosis.

I've also stopped watching porn in case i've become too desensitised from watching it too much.

Good plan. I'm not anti porn in general. But it isn't the "natural" way of doing things. And can cause problems for many people.

Just from reading around, it seems that most guys can get erections much easier than me.

I'm not sure comparisons are super useful. Just by the nature of statistics. Someone has to be on the extremes of the curve. Just because the "majority" experience a particular thing. Doesn't really help the minority. Also, there's so much macho crap. Tied up in getting an erection at the drop of a knicker. That I'm not sure how reliable many self reports might be. Almost everyone has difficulties sooner or later. That's "normal" [I dislike that word though.]

Hey, Ada.
Yes, it's hard to know who to believe and how much of peoples claims are true.
On one forum I was reading, most guys were saying that they stopped getting spontaneous erections or getting hard just from seeing a naked girl once you're kind of out of your teens. Someone mentioned the point of how there aren't people walking around with erections on nude beaches which kind of helps confirm the point.

But on another forum, lots of guys older than me were claiming to get hard at the glimpse of a bra strap!

Testosterone test should maybe help put my mind at rest, although I have a good idea of what will happen.
My Testosterone will come back as 'normal' despite being very much on the low end for someone my age, due to the way that these 'ranges' are determined whereby people of all ages make up the average of the sample. Hopefully i'm wrong, but i'd be willing to bet £10 that i'm right!

I still kind of think it's likely more about performance anxiety, but without a 'partner' I just don't know how to 'cure' myself. All therapy i've read about requires a partner. I've never really had one and don't even want one, really! Not sure where that leaves me!
I like to remind myself of successful times in the past where i've been able to get hard easily to remind myself that i'm not a lost cause!

Hard to work out why I was successful on some occasions but not on others. One occasion was even fairly 'pressurised' with a girl in my bed and a male friend on the other side of her (her lying in between us both) and despite the 'pressure', I had a rock hard erection and was getting her to stroke it.

I kind of think I could 'cure' myself if I was good looking and confident enough to be able to pull a different girl every night (ideally in another country!) as a form of exposure therapy.

Well, my testosterone turns out to actually be fairly respectable.
Range from 0 -1020
I'm at 672 - he said that was fairly high
'Low test' would be anything under 300 apparently, and even then, they wouldn't necessarily prescribe testosterone.
Guess it further confirms my issues are likely in my head which unfortunately makes things more difficult, especially without a 'partner'.

I smashed a teenager last night, so maybe i'm over the worst if it!