guilty thoughts and masturbation

I don't know if this it the proper subforum but lets give it a try... Later, I will also link my other threads as my problem is complex.

I have a girlfriend and I love her. We have good sex and we can have sex nearly every day. Is it normal to have fantasies about other women? For example when masturbating. (not pornstars) I try not to masturbate or only do it once a week and when I do it I try to think of my gf or neutral things. I had a porn watching habit but I haven't watched it for 40+ days. After that I watched 1 hour/month but in the old times I watched 0-4 hours per week.

Neatly 80 days without porn. Can anyone answer?

Just stop watching porn altogether. These fantasies you're having while masturbating are a direct result of watching way too much porn in your past. You should feel guilty. Good for you, though, going 80 days without porn. Keep it up!

Excuses wrote:These fantasies you're having while masturbating are a direct result of watching way too much porn in your past. You should feel guilty.

I wholly disagree. The fantasies will be fueled by past porn use. But they're not a direct result of it. In my view they are completely "normal." [Sorry for the quotes, I dislike that word.] Most people have them.

So it's not therefore something to feel guilty about. Neither is masturbating as I see it. As long as it isn't messing up your life. [For example, if you avoid social engagements or are late to work to do it. Or stop having sex with your girlfriend because masturbating is much better.] Then I think it's fine. And quite healthy, both physically. And psychologically, in terms of exploring and being comfortable with your own sexuality.

Porn isn't particularly natural. So I think that's probably better to stay away from, now that you've put so much time into breaking any old habit there was. 4 hours doesn't seem like a lot, relatively. But each person is different in terms of what is "fun." And what pushes them over the ledge to always wanting more. So it's good you listened to your gut on that one.

mandra wrote:Is it normal to have fantasies about other women? .

the simple answer is "yes"... Most women do NOT want to hear this... or accept it... but it's the truth. Genetically, we men are actually wired to "spread our seed". This includes fantasizing about other women sexually.

NOW, that said... if you actually get to a point where you are seriously considering having sex with somebody else... That probably means that you are not actually ready to settle down (mentally)... this will require some personal inflection, which is not easy.... and you will need to decide if you want to continue dating.. or figure out how to control your urges i order to remain in your current relationship.

-- Fri Oct 23, 2015 11:46 pm --

Ada wrote: Most people have them.

So it's not therefore something to feel guilty about. Neither is masturbating as I see it. As long as it isn't messing up your life. [For example, if you avoid social engagements or are late to work to do it. Or stop having sex with your girlfriend because masturbating is much better.] Then I think it's fine. And quite healthy, both physically. And psychologically, in terms of exploring and being comfortable with your own sexuality.

Porn isn't particularly natural. So I think that's probably better to stay away from, now that you've put so much time into breaking any old habit there was. 4 hours doesn't seem like a lot, relatively. But each person is different in terms of what is "fun." And what pushes them over the ledge to always wanting more. So it's good you listened to your gut on that one.

Well said... and I agree with you regarding the word "normal"...