Unreasonably Offended by Blowjobs..

Some back story: I have severe anxiety, depression, and OCD. I have some alternative points of view and I'm extremely passionate about them; for instance, I once started a new medication and developed a hatred for horses- not kidding. I have no beef with horses and am an animal lover. But I suddenly felt extremely irritated at the idea of horses. I have since stopped taking that medication and am back to feeling neutral about horses. Just giving you an example of my baseless resentments.
My problem now is that I have a skewed view of giving blowjobs. I had always felt uneasy about them and seen them as a submissive act, but now I'm sexually active with my boyfriend and he occasionally asks for them. I have given him multiple blowjobs and each time I get more resentful of it, even though the act doesn't bother me.
I'm not a 'feminazi' or anything like that, but I just can't help but see them as the lowest, most degrading thing a women can do for a man- and I feel there is no equally low thing a man can do for a women. From discussions online I see that men (on those sites, not all men) see them the same way, believe that men deserve weekly blowjobs, and say they would never be in a relationship with a women who wouldn't consistently give them. I know my boyfriend is nothing like this, but that is what I think about when he brings it up.
Another thing that really makes me mad about it is that he only ever suggests it when we're both really 'worked up' and I obviously want to have sex. I know from every previous experience we've had that that would mean I would give him a blowjob, then he'd be done and just hang out on the couch, borderline ignoring me, until I left. So when he does ask, I get a little standoffish and it entirely kills the mood for me and I feel like a selfish, uptight bitch because I know he doesn't understand why.
I feel selfish and judgmental for having the opinion that I do, but I don't know how to change it. Any advice?

Let me start from the rational and work back to the irrational. Not that I'm any kind of expert or professional. Just opinionated.

So_Isla wrote:I know from every previous experience we've had that that would mean I would give him a blowjob, then he'd be done and just hang out on the couch, borderline ignoring me, until I left.

This is completely and utterly unfair of him. The approach I'd suggest is to ask him to go down on you first. And then it's his turn afterwards. I'm going to go ahead and guess that he won't like that too much. But it's hard to argue with the logic that this is otherwise one sided. And I think it might help to cure the problem for him. In terms of choosing vanilla sex or mutual masturbation instead.

So when he does ask, I get a little standoffish and it entirely kills the mood for me and I feel like a selfish, uptight bitch because I know he doesn't understand why.

Unless you're dating an equally selfish uptight jerk. He probably won't be surprised when you bring this up with him. If he honestly thinks that it's OK. For him to get off and you not to. Then DTMFA. That degree of selfishness is likely to carry over into other areas sooner or later. Not healthy for a relationship. However, it's not fair to be standoffish without explaining. He's not psychic, just a little over entitled. That's more than likely his cultural upbringing. Not from him having something personal against you. Education is the cure in that case.

So_Isla wrote:From discussions online I see that men (on those sites, not all men) see them the same way, believe that men deserve weekly blowjobs, and say they would never be in a relationship with a women who wouldn't consistently give them. I know my boyfriend is nothing like this, but that is what I think about when he brings it up.

No. I think your boyfriend IS like this right now. He DOES think he's entitled to receive sexual pleasure. Without reciprocating. If you remove the sexual elements and explain it to a 3 year old. They could tell you that's not fair. So I don't think this is a groundless resentment. It's just fact at the moment. What I think you mean by "he is nothing like this." Is that he's not deliberately doing this. It's not asserting his manly rights. Just something he isn't thinking through. So that's good. If he thinks it through, he can change.

So_Isla wrote:I have given him multiple blowjobs and each time I get more resentful of it, even though the act doesn't bother me.
I'm not a 'feminazi' or anything like that, but I just can't help but see them as the lowest, most degrading thing a women can do for a man- and I feel there is no equally low thing a man can do for a women.

Sorry to bang on about this. But it's hard to unpick the resentment at genuine unfairness. From irrational resentment. However, feeling that it's "low" or "degrading" is a view you're entitled to. I'm confused why the act doesn't bother you, though. Is it an esteem thing, that you feel like you can't say no? Or is there a conflict between head and gut feelings?

Finally. It's 100% OK not to give blow jobs ever. For the whole rest of your life. There's no law that says any man requires them. Some men genuinely don't like them. Everyone ought to have the freedom to do what they're comfortable with sexually. And avoid what makes them uncomfortable. [If they're neutral on an activity. Then it's sexually kind to do it if their partner likes it.] So if you negotiate equal orgasm rights with your boyfriend. That still doesn't need to include blow jobs. If that's the only way he can climax. Then the two of you probably aren't well matched. But otherwise, that's life. As long as a person can get most of what they want. That's good enough. Holding out for perfection is likely to result in misery.

I would feel awful if a girlfriend felt that way about giving me a blow job. I'd never be able to enjoy one if I thought she was feeling like that.

What does this bloke do for you, may I ask? You say he receives, then lazes back on the couch and ignores you. Does he do anything for you before you finish him off? If not, then I'd say he's a bit of a selfish so and so, and it's not unreasonable at all that you feel resentful.