Why Do Men Choose Porn Over Sex?

Okay, so my boyfriend has been choosing to masturbate to porn, over having sex with me.

Now, I understand that it's natural for people to masturbate, but we have had a "discussion" before about how it makes me feel that he chooses to do this every time I am not around, and then reject me when I am around. I find it humiliating.

I really don't know what to do in this situation because he refuses to stop, and becomes quite aggressive and abusive when I try to talk to him about I feel about it. He behaves as though my issue is with his masturbation, when I have explained that I would have no concerns about it if things were fine between us sexually otherwise, but they aren't.

Things had been a lot better in our relationship recently, and I feel that this behaviour is really setting me back. I have tried to find out why he seems to prefer masturbation over sex with me, and he won't respond to me at all. He refuses to discuss it. I feel like there is something wrong with me, and his refusal to talk about it is so frustrating because I can't do anything about things if I dont know what's going on. I just feel so not-good-enough.

If anyone can provide some perspective on this, I would really appreciate it.

I think issues with you are fairly unlikely to be influencing this. If he's had any sexual issues recently. Premature ejaculation. Or erectile dysfunction. My guess would be that he's insecure about his performance. And he's trying to squash those fears down by increased masturbation.

Another possibility is in the same reason why you might masturbate rather than having sex. It's possible to be entirely selfish. You don't need to please anyone else. If it takes 3 mins beginning to end, that's fine. If it takes 3 hours that's also fine. No one is going to complain that it's too quick or slow. You can have as much or as little foreplay as you like. And fantasise about what/whoever you want.

And finally it could just be an addiction. That can happen to anyone. And it's hard to understand the addict's mindset from outside. [Though if you've ever struggled and failed with giving up smoking / a diet / an exercise plan etc. That might give some common ground to work from.]

The thing to let go of is that this is about you. If the discussion is already framed in terms of your feeling humiliated and rejected. Then it's like asking "when did you stop beating your wife." It's a no win from the start. If it IS a relationship problem, that'll become apparent in other ways. If it's something else, then starting from a constructive and sympathetic place. And sticking with that, even if tempted to veer into anger, blame, shame, etc. Might help him to open up. Though it might take some time.

Masturbation and porn are such a hot-button topic!

My wife and I were reared at a time when almost no one was talking about sex or even acknowledging that sex exists. I learned about masturbation and orgasm from male friends; my wife knew nothing about masturbation per se when we married, although she had experienced orgasms, as a result of purposeful squirming in her chair, but didn't understand what the orgasms were or why they felt so good.

A few years after we were married, and I admitted to her that I had been masturbating regularly since puberty she expressed great concern that I would come (no pun intended!) to like masturbation more than sex with her. That wasn't the case then, nor is it now. It's just that I need more sex than she does, and the simplest and most ethical way to get more is to masturbate.

Porn didn't come into our relationship until the internet came into it, and I discovered that I didn't have to go through the embarrassment of buying Playboy to see porn. My wife understands the appeal of pornography for me, although she herself has no interest in it. But she doesn't see it as a threat to our relationship, or as a reflection on her. She understands that much of sex, especially for men, is purely physical, and that all people, men and women, are responsible for their own sexual satisfaction. However…

Your boyfriend's behaviour, from what I can tell, is not a result of anything you have done, or anything you could do. For whatever reason, he is more comfortable with masturbating to porn than to having sex with a living, willing woman. If he won't talk with you about it, you can't do a thing about his feelings about sex or your feelings of rejection by him. To me, it doesn't sound like a relationship with much a future.

Other

I'm not in a relationship now anyway but when I was I did it due to performance issues. I never new if I would be able to have an orgasm since I am almost impotent. Is he on any SSRI medication? If so medication like Viagra may work but it's very expensive.
It could be too that he has a fetish and only responds to that fetish. Have you tried watching porn with him? Also guys who have problems having orgasms can have much more control over the amount of pressure and tempo they use if they masturbate.

As a guy, I think porn and masturbation go hand in hand because you have no responsibility to another person and only yourself. I think as long as people have a satisfying sex life with their partners, it doesn't matter how much porn and masturbating they do. It's normal and people have different needs at different times. Now I know a very attractive woman whose husband preferred to masturbate to gay porn than he did spending time with her and that came to be a problem.