My boyfriend doesn't enjoy sex

I am (22) living with my boyfriend (20) already 6 months. We both are young, attractive and healthy. We love each other and we care about our relantionship. Everything is perfect, besides sex. Always, it is me who wants to have sex. He seems to doesn't desire me, even if he says that I am sexy for him and he loves everything about me. We talk a lot and we try to solve every problem by long conversation. We already had 2 long discussion about our sex life. He said that he doesn't enjoy sex in general, that it is pointless act and people during sex are acting like animals, and he doesn't like it. He is making love with me, only if I ask for it, because he knows that I like it. However, I want to see from him, that he also desire me, that he wants to kiss me, take me and literally f**k me. For this, he replies that he can not switch his mind for "being an animal" and that he respect me, because he loves me. What should we do? I am considering to visit sexolog.

Thanks for your opinions,

Regards,

Lilly

Getting help from a professional would be a good idea. I have similar thoughts to him and I know for a fact that I'm complexed when it comes to intimacy in general. Something might have happened to him in the past to make him believe the way he does when it comes to making love.

If you can go and see someone together with him and try to unravel what might be happening, it would be a good start. Be patient with him too because I don't know about his case, but in mine, a lot of really bad stuff happened that caused me to be really awkward and anxious when it comes to intimacy. Patience and understanding will make a huge difference and I'm hoping that after this, you'll both be even closer together. Imagine how intense it'll be in bed for you guys after

But yeah, good luck to both of you.

Thank you so much for your reply. It means a lot for me to talk about it with someone. The problem is that we are living in the country, where the main language is not English and mostly specialists are quite expensive, so I will need to wait until summer, when we will move to the English speaking country for meeting with sexolog.

I am aware of his past - he got the impression from his previous girlfriend that he is just an object, which they need for their own satisfaction. I am trying to help him in many ways - to show him, that sex is nice for both sides, but it is difficult and I am getting depression. I love him and I will not leave him, we just both need to fight for our relantionship.

PS. We had uncomfortable situation today. He was horny and wanted to ask about sex. I've agreed for the proposition, we were already naked, but he suddenly said to me :"You are not horny". He thought like this, because I didn't get that quickly wet. After that, we dressed up, because he said that he is not horny anymore and I went out of home. Then, he wrote to me the letter about how much he loves me and now he is at work. Even,if I am very attractive lady, I am starting feeling not confident anymore about myself. Today, I will talk with him again...

Please, tell me more about your problem - maybe I could understand your situation and then understand better my lovely partner. Thank you again.

His previous relationship can probably explain some of his issues now, same as me. It can go way back as well. It can go both ways but I think you're on the right track. He might also not be too comfortable about being too forceful in bed either, which might explain why he thinks along the lines of "sex is for animals". He might have a more romantic idea of it in mind or something like that. Eventually you might be able to ease him into being more rough in bed, so to say.

In my case, it's just been a lonnnnggg series of really awkward experiences. All of them were online because I'm an avoidant. Sex was a really taboo subject in our home and no one ever talked about it in our family, ever. No mention of how to protect ourselves, or anything of the sort. That makes it hard to talk about it with anyone because of the awkwardness. Then I had people that were sexual with me but in really bad ways. I had people use me and I had others that were simply not a match for me, like at all and had a really different view on what sexuality is, so to say. Even though it was because of the people I was with that I have trouble with this subject, it's hard not to blame myself for it. I was just with a lot of people that have extreme differences in what I wanted sex to be like (making love would be a better word for it imo).

Now you know that your boyfriend can actually get horny so it's a good thing. He might be like me and had really bad situations in the past so patience is really the best thing to do in this case. Keep talking to him and see if you can make something happen. He'll probably back down a few times but if he told you earlier that you weren't horny and it caused him to back down and get anxious (he might be afraid that you aren't attracted to him), maybe you could masturbate in front of him, see if he likes that

Eesh, I hope this helps. I don't feel like the best person to ask about this but you wanted my 2 cents so here they are lol.

I understand your situation kind of well. In my family also the sex was taboo and when I was teenager I was so ashamed, when I felt need to masturbate. My previous partners also didn't treat me well, so I didn't like sex that time, but 2 years ago I had a short term relantionship with a man, who could 'f**k' me, without hurting me and who show me how he desire me, and he made me open for sex so much. I started liking it and I started to be more comfortable with my body and intimate situations.
Now I am with my partner, and I am confident and I am leading mostly, but he...he is like me in the past.
Don't worry, you will start enjoying it as well, one day for sure. I just try to seperate my normal, correct life of the bedroom - because then I don't feel that I need to by shy or smth like this.
I've tried to masturbate next to him, but he didn;t like it, because he thinks it is wrong. He even doesn't masturbate himself. Sometimes when his dick is up, he just doesn't let me know, and he is waiting when it will pass. Only what makes me worry is that he is looking almost every day on playboy page - where he look at random girls in underwear...

And again, I am very glad to talk to you ! I wish you all the best It is nice to know, that people like to share their life problems and they feel supported by it : )

Hmmm, yeah. Pornography doesn't help when it comes to sexual issues either. I'm looking at it a lot less but I have to admit that staring at that crap really doesn't help if you have issues to begin with. It didn't in my case because it makes me feel self-conscious. It's a comfort zone of sorts though, since whatever you're seeing is on a computer screen, which is a lot less intimidating than real life.

If he does have something going on that's similar to me, I'd suggest to just be patient and lead. Ask him questions and don't be surprised if he has some resistance to stuff. You might need to teach him that sex isn't that disgusting, animalistic affair that he thinks it is. That kind of thinking probably comes from him being used in the past. It's a good sign if he tells you when he's horny though, encourage him to do that and communicate. I think communication between you two is really what's the most important here.

I wish luck to both of you.

Thank you so much again! I feel much better after talking with you about it 1 hour until he will come back from work, so I will not be here until I will get some free time You helped me a lot, even if I don't see yet result, because the plan isn't implemented yet : ) All the best! I will write again soon!

Well, i think, more or less, the same as your boyfriend. For sure, we need to get it over because sex is very important in a relationship.