Starting to be Weared Downa Bit

I am and have for the longest time had a deep attraction to incest, especially the idea of being in a sexual relationship with my mother I have many other sexual kinks but 'Matrisexual' fantasies are easily the most common; around 75% of my fantasies invole my mother.
At first it was the idea of taboo that I think aroused me. but I feel the roots are deeper;

When I was young around 7 or 8 I was quite a handful and thoroughly disobedient, like most children I found the idea of personal hygeiene a laughable farce like tidying my room or saving my appetite; I was only getting to be filthy again later on afterall. Anyway I was in the bathroom presumably throwing a tantrum because I was refusing to clip my nails, eventually my mother just got frustrated and tried to grab my hand and do it for me but I wormed out of her grip. So what's a mother to do? She sat on top of me (I was already lying on the floor but don't remember why) missionary style, to pin me down.

I hardly doubt she intended anything sexual it was just the most practical way to restrain me, but not one a hundred percent effective as I tenaciously resorted to alligator style death rolls to escape, occasionally stopping to see if they in anyway dislodged the giantess on top of me. After one such attempt my crotch was directly aligned with and pressed against the soft mound of her pelvis, I felt a curious sensation, but decided I couldn't let that distract me! I had to escape, no-one could tell me what to do! It was a matter of principle. After torquing myself around again I wound up in the same position and felt oddly relaxed I willingly put my beclawed hands in front of her, and she dilligently went to work on them.

I felt so unbelievably serene, I just lay on back, my bony pre-pubescent body pressed into the firm shower looking up at the apparently unnoticed goddess on top of me, her thick thighs swelling up like soft hills to engulf my frame, the slight-out-of-breath heaving of her bountiful, life-giving breasts, the shadowy gap between her cleavage, the magical unknown spot where our bodies met; the care and attention she was giving me; never looking up once. It's easy to see why this was my first 'sexual' memory

I've only recently made the connection it's such an early memory for me, but fairly vivid and it sticks out in my mind a lot. Most of my numerous kinks I've acquired over time after running across them in vaguely related pornography. Incestuous feelings just happened; came straight out of nowhere. Initially I liked the taboo aspect most, now It's so familiar to me I find the idea more comforting and intimate then when I masturbate to anyone else. Guilt has been a constant problem especially at first, but then it died down to become mostly background noise; no worse then I would feel from stealing a pen, recently I've been masturbating to fantasies revolving around that memory and starting to realise how deeprooted it may be, and it's quite a lot to handle. I need a little bit of space to get this off my chest.

Welcome to the forum, Lethological. It's fine that you posted here! And hope it helps to be exploring some of these attractions. You'd be very welcome to post in Fetish too? While I can understand how this would be wearing you down. It doesn't need to be guilt provoking. Or a dysfunction as such. You might find other posters who are similarly working to understand themselves and their desires. In a healthy and constructive way.

[quote="Lethological"]I am and have for the longest time had a deep attraction to incest, especially the idea of being in a sexual relationship with my mother I have many other sexual kinks but 'Matrisexual' fantasies are easily the most common; around 75% of my fantasies invole my mother.

I too have exactly the same thing, although it started recently. However a few years ago I was living with my mother and I was half asleep in bed one morning. She came into the room quite quietly so not to wake me. Deliberately, I moved my right leg out outwards and the bedclothes slid away from my crotch, revealing about a half length of my penis. I wanted her to see it. Through almost closed eyes, I saw my mother turn around and stare at me; she stood there for at least 30 seconds and there is no doubt she was looking at my (by now) thickening penis. What was going through her mind...?

When she left the room I was in turmoil. I had a huge erection and I wanted her to come back into my room. I cursed that I did not "wake up" or show even more of my penis. But my mother definitely stood there, staring. I cannot explain why this incest driven behaviour came over me; it was in a flash, but highly exciting.

I then got up and went to the bathroom, tightly closing my eyes and imagining me and my mother naked in bed, kissing each other passionately as I begin to have full sex with her for the first time. She is in her late 50's and has really big breasts and good legs for her age. As I started to feel a rising orgasm as I masturbated in the bathroom, I heard my mother coming up the stairs. When she asked if I was up from bed, I came in the most explosive climax I ever had. My semen literally exploded in front of me and I covered the toilet lid with it, groaning loudly. She must have heard something behind the door.

Now I imagine seducing my mother into bed, but this time I slowly work her up to a full orgasm. It is addictive...

There is an age around 8 years old where a lot of people are attracted to their mothers. For most people it passes, but a lot of people report the same feelings that you do. It's more common that people think, but it's a 'taboo' subject and few will admit to it.