Dealing with Depravity

So, 20, never had sex. Yeah, not alone, I know, but here's the thing... I was a guy in a fraternity, I've been on countless dating sessions, and I've always been more reserved about sex unless I was drunk, in which case I was too drunk. Now, I'm just wanting to get laid, regardless of morality. I've made it to 20 a virgin. The girls I go for are much, much more reserved about that sort of thing, and it's always "dating" that I'm doing.

I suck at dating, I'm like a 1 dimensional character with no interest in himself, and just really nice clothes and a pretty smile going for him. That, and when it comes to conversations, I'll eventually make it about "me" because I want to contribute and relate to the conversation, sort of like how I do when talking with other guys. That comes off as selfish to these girls. I've been called a douchebag, even though I'm being as sincere and kind as anyone else is. Girls have taken me for a "player" before because I've known and talked to their friends in the past with the intention of building a relationship. My style works sometimes, other times no.

When I'm nervous, or around some other girl, I'll just look at the girl I'm dating, which I guess is bad even though I'm trying to show respect by not acknowledging the other woman. It doesn't work out that-a-way... It's more like staring at her like a bored dog. She knows I already care about her, which sort of kills the "game" of love.

I'm sick of being single, and I'm sick of being a virgin. I want to experience what the 21st Century is all about; free love and that sort of thing. I always end up so hammered though if I try for parties, and I can't get my words straight. That, and sometimes alcohol depresses me (been through a hard life). A simple rejection can make me leave and roll down a hill saying nobody cares about me. I don't know what to do in a relationship, or who to talk to who wants that sort of thing. I want someone to care about me in person, and to physically touch me in ways beyond the formal friendly ways. I want to be romanced. I can't find that in life, and I'm afraid I'm going to become a bitter, lonely asshole if I don't.

I know I'll want more than sex, I know I need a woman who will love me and not care that I'm anxious often, worrying about whether or not I'll screw things up with her. And the sexual urges? Masturbation repulses me, I hate it, and feel like I'm 'raping' myself when I do it. I don't want to buy sex from a prostitute, and I most certainly do not want to get one of those "love dolls" because I know I won't be able to delude myself into thinking it's a real girl (which I'd have to do), and look at the prices on those things.

I'm running out of time and out of options. I know people who beat their girlfriends, cheat on them daily, and call them "whores" behind their backs. I'm not that type of guy. I'm loyal, caring, generous, and damn it, I'd give my all for her, but apparently that's not the way of today. How can I start hiding those factors, and start "talking" more rather than idolizing? What's there to talk about, besides her?

I always learn everything when I'm talking to someone. I learn who they are, at their very heart. I just draw that out of people, and I'll remember it. By the third time I see them, I know everything there is to know about her. What do I do then? Dinners get boring. Flowers are "creepy" and "too forward" (###$ society for this one, by the way), and I just don't have any redeeming, sexual characteristics. I have yet to learn all of the gestures, the subtle winks, the smiles, and all of that sexy-man jive which just drive girls mad.

Can someone give me some instruction on how to build a legitimate relationship with someone that can actually go up a level? I've seen a trend, here, where it's "get to know you" and done. I need more. I need heart. I need to share a bed with someone special to me. Otherwise, what's the point of living if it's just for yourself to do the same thing, over and over again, expecting $#%^ to change? I don't want that life. I want a life.

Young women don't want to hear you talking about yourself, they want to do the talking, just make the right facial expressions and listen, a lot of the young women just want to vent and if you are half interested or fake it that's more than enough for them.

Kevin has a point. Though I can't decide if it's cynical or pragmatic.

And there's heaps in your post to explore. I'll start with three questions though. First, can you say more about the thread title? I can't really parse it in context.

Second, masturbation can be a good way to get familiar with your preferences. And to explore some fantasies and desires. I wonder if linking it with "rape" might make partner sex more difficult along the line. Performance anxiety around having your whole sex drive being vented in one place. [Or resentment of that, and the desire to cheat. One sided free love.] Have you always felt this way about it? How has that come about?

Third, "I always learn everything when I'm talking to someone. I learn who they are, at their very heart. I just draw that out of people, and I'll remember it. By the third time I see them, I know everything there is to know about her."
What's going on here? Are you dating women much younger or less intelligent than you? Or are you bored by anything beyond the basic facts?