H.O.C.D taking away the joy in my life

hello all I have been dealing with hocd for about six months now. Not a day goes by that I dont think about it. I haven't had a girlfriend for almost 6 year now (im 19 btw) and I suddenly began thinking the reason was because I may be gay. That is pretty much how it all started because I would constantly obsess over that thought. I deal with social anxiety and have for a while so having that on top of hocd makes it even more worse. The job I currently have (waiter for a restaurant) involves coming into contact with alot of people So now whenever I talk to a guy who just so happens to be good looking my hocd flares up and I begin fearing that I may find the dude attractive or he may find me attractive my heart starts pounding, my eyes start darting around, and my breathing intensifies because my anxiety sky-rockets and this makes performing my job difficult. I hate that I cant control this response and my mind is programmed to react like this every time.I always have found girls attractive and although it has been a long time since I have had a girlfriend I am trying to make an honest attempt to put myself out there and meet an awesome girl. I didn't have much of a social life in high school because of my social anxiety but now that I graduated and am an adult I am hoping I can turn things around and make lasting friendships with both girls and guys. But this damn hocd holds me back it makes me feel as if the attraction I have for women is a lie and that I use it as an excuse to not admit to myself I am gay. It also makes me feel that the brotherly feelings I have for my close guy friends are actually closeted homosexual feelings towards them and this freaks me out. I feel so embarrassed I am dealing with this It makes me feel like less of a man and has caused me to not hang out with my guy friends as much as I would like or make new male friends and most importantly not man up and talk to new, beautiful women. I am not a homosexual and I keep trying to prove to myself that I am not but hocd just twists my thoughts against me. Below are a list of triggers that cause me to get a flare up of hocd anxiety.

TRIGGERS
-Making eye contact with a guy
-A friend or guy mentioning that I am good-looking
-Someone joking around saying I am "gay" or saying what I did was "gay" (HUGE trigger)
-Being around half-naked or naked men
-making any kind of physical contact with a man (hug, handshake, etc.)

I am hoping someone can help me find some stable mental ground so I can eliminate all the irrational thoughts about hocd and make these triggers not affect me as much anymore so I can start living my life and making lasting connections with people of both sexes. Thanks again for taking the time to read all this

chilldood wrote:hello all I have been dealing with hocd for about six months now. Not a day goes by that I dont think about it. I haven't had a girlfriend for almost 6 year now (im 19 btw) and I suddenly began thinking the reason was because I may be gay. That is pretty much how it all started because I would constantly obsess over that thought. I deal with social anxiety and have for a while so having that on top of hocd makes it even more worse. The job I currently have (waiter for a restaurant) involves coming into contact with alot of people So now whenever I talk to a guy who just so happens to be good looking my hocd flares up and I begin fearing that I may find the dude attractive or he may find me attractive my heart starts pounding, my eyes start darting around, and my breathing intensifies because my anxiety sky-rockets and this makes performing my job difficult. I hate that I cant control this response and my mind is programmed to react like this every time.I always have found girls attractive and although it has been a long time since I have had a girlfriend I am trying to make an honest attempt to put myself out there and meet an awesome girl. I didn't have much of a social life in high school because of my social anxiety but now that I graduated and am an adult I am hoping I can turn things around and make lasting friendships with both girls and guys. But this damn hocd holds me back it makes me feel as if the attraction I have for women is a lie and that I use it as an excuse to not admit to myself I am gay. It also makes me feel that the brotherly feelings I have for my close guy friends are actually closeted homosexual feelings towards them and this freaks me out. I feel so embarrassed I am dealing with this It makes me feel like less of a man and has caused me to not hang out with my guy friends as much as I would like or make new male friends and most importantly not man up and talk to new, beautiful women. I am not a homosexual and I keep trying to prove to myself that I am not but hocd just twists my thoughts against me. Below are a list of triggers that cause me to get a flare up of hocd anxiety.

TRIGGERS
-Making eye contact with a guy
-A friend or guy mentioning that I am good-looking
-Someone joking around saying I am "gay" or saying what I did was "gay" (HUGE trigger)
-Being around half-naked or naked men
-making any kind of physical contact with a man (hug, handshake, etc.)

I am hoping someone can help me find some stable mental ground so I can eliminate all the irrational thoughts about hocd and make these triggers not affect me as much anymore so I can start living my life and making lasting connections with people of both sexes. Thanks again for taking the time to read all this

No one is gay because they've gone a long time without having a girlfriend. Your first step needs to be getting rid of irrational thoughts like that.

For starters stop fighting what you might be feeling..
So what if you might be into guys abit , no one really cares if you are--> except you!..
And Even if you like them & masturbate to them it STILL doesn't mean you have to really be with one!!

Accept the fact your maybe into guys ( & you might find them attractive & get hot for them )
Stop getting all worked up about it all ! Calm down & accept that you might even just have bi tendencies ...

But By keeping on avoiding what you really feel all you do is make yourself want it more !
So stop fighting what you might or might not like & just accept it ..
Its now a part of who you are , so you have to deal with it now..
The more you accept that there might be abit of like towards men the less power you then give the thoughts of liking men ..
"Say to yourself ..so what if I like guys , it doesn't have to mean anything other than that & I don't have to act on it . Instead I will lean to control the thoughts ..!""


People who are bi or gay will also obsess over the thoughts of being with someone of the same sex..
all a woman who is bi-curious will do is also fantasies about being with a woman & she to will day dream & think of sexual thoughts of being with a woman also & might even also masturbate to them also ...

You might like men & find them attractive at times, so what ..
your not the first to like the same sex... it also doesn't have to mean anything else either !!
It is ok you know to admire / or even think gee he dresses or looks / smells nice ..

NO one else needs to know right now either ..YOU do't have to tell anyone about it !
Stop stressing out about it all ..
..& Keep it a secret if you want ...( tell a gal down the track when your ready to settle down with her that you like guys sexually but don't wish to go there with one..) many women are quite accepting of bi men ...some will act out their desires some won't .
Just like women --> some are also bi but will NEVER go there with one sexually but find them amazing to think naughty thoughts about . Some will cross the line to try & some won't ..( you can decide also for yourself down the line when your ready ..)
Right now its about accepting you might like men & stop running away from yourself & who you might be!
As they more you do ...the more you will want it & keep driving yourself crazy for nothing !
The only one who is bothered here is you about being into guys ...
So stop fighting who you are & relax about it more ..it can remain a secret still if you want ..
And you don't have to do anything about the thoughts except learn to control them better so they don't control you like they do now..
You might be bi or you might have HOCD..stop fighting it all & see..
Relax & let yourself decide who you might be inside ...And even if you decide you might like guys again doesn't have to mean anything but that you do ..
Doesn't mean you then have to do anything about it at all except accept that you might ..
As for hanging out with new & old mates --> use this as practice learn breathing techniques from a therapist to do when around men ( & you need more control with ) learn to take control of your emotions & stop avoiding it all..gradually build up the strength & have new techniques in place to use ( from the therapist ) to help you get things better under control ..
Talk things over with the therapist & stop being so worried about it all..

Wouldn't recommend getting to involved in fantasies all the time with guys as the main character & mix it up to include women also in the fantasy ...just so they are some where around in the scene..
Don't watch to much porn ...if you need do it but again maybe mix it up with male & female ..
And remember stop freaking out about it all ...
I'd say your more bi than gay ...as you also talk of women & being with them sexually & wanting a life with one..( YOu can be bi & NEVER act on it in anyway ) ..some women are very gay but will never go there with a woman ..But they also will continue to fantasies & think all the time about women also ..

So Remember..
Just bc you think of men doesn't mean you have to then act on it ..
Accept the fantasies & desires as just that--> that you have them that is all ..
Remember YOu can have fantasies & NOT act on them ..

sleeper^ wrote:For starters stop fighting what you might be feeling..
So what if you might be into guys abit , no one really cares if you are--> except you!..
And Even if you like them & masturbate to them it STILL doesn't mean you have to really be with one!!

Accept the fact your maybe into guys ( & you might find them attractive & get hot for them )
Stop getting all worked up about it all ! Calm down & accept that you might even just have bi tendencies ...

But By keeping on avoiding what you really feel all you do is make yourself want it more !
So stop fighting what you might or might not like & just accept it ..
Its now a part of who you are , so you have to deal with it now..
The more you accept that there might be abit of like towards men the less power you then give the thoughts of liking men ..
"Say to yourself ..so what if I like guys , it doesn't have to mean anything other than that & I don't have to act on it . Instead I will lean to control the thoughts ..!""


People who are bi or gay will also obsess over the thoughts of being with someone of the same sex..
all a woman who is bi-curious will do is also fantasies about being with a woman & she to will day dream & think of sexual thoughts of being with a woman also & might even also masturbate to them also ...

You might like men & find them attractive at times, so what ..
your not the first to like the same sex... it also doesn't have to mean anything else either !!
It is ok you know to admire / or even think gee he dresses or looks / smells nice ..

NO one else needs to know right now either ..YOU do't have to tell anyone about it !
Stop stressing out about it all ..
..& Keep it a secret if you want ...( tell a gal down the track when your ready to settle down with her that you like guys sexually but don't wish to go there with one..) many women are quite accepting of bi men ...some will act out their desires some won't .
Just like women --> some are also bi but will NEVER go there with one sexually but find them amazing to think naughty thoughts about . Some will cross the line to try & some won't ..( you can decide also for yourself down the line when your ready ..)
Right now its about accepting you might like men & stop running away from yourself & who you might be!
As they more you do ...the more you will want it & keep driving yourself crazy for nothing !
The only one who is bothered here is you about being into guys ...
So stop fighting who you are & relax about it more ..it can remain a secret still if you want ..
And you don't have to do anything about the thoughts except learn to control them better so they don't control you like they do now..
You might be bi or you might have HOCD..stop fighting it all & see..
Relax & let yourself decide who you might be inside ...And even if you decide you might like guys again doesn't have to mean anything but that you do ..
Doesn't mean you then have to do anything about it at all except accept that you might ..
As for hanging out with new & old mates --> use this as practice learn breathing techniques from a therapist to do when around men ( & you need more control with ) learn to take control of your emotions & stop avoiding it all..gradually build up the strength & have new techniques in place to use ( from the therapist ) to help you get things better under control ..
Talk things over with the therapist & stop being so worried about it all..

Wouldn't recommend getting to involved in fantasies all the time with guys as the main character & mix it up to include women also in the fantasy ...just so they are some where around in the scene..
Don't watch to much porn ...if you need do it but again maybe mix it up with male & female ..
And remember stop freaking out about it all ...
I'd say your more bi than gay ...as you also talk of women & being with them sexually & wanting a life with one..( YOu can be bi & NEVER act on it in anyway ) ..some women are very gay but will never go there with a woman ..But they also will continue to fantasies & think all the time about women also ..

So Remember..
Just bc you think of men doesn't mean you have to then act on it ..
Accept the fantasies & desires as just that--> that you have them that is all ..
Remember YOu can have fantasies & NOT act on them ..

I agree with everything you've said. The whole label of "HOCD" seems dangerous to me, it implies that losing one's identity as being "totally straight" is like living in a nightmare. I mean what's the big deal if they are also attracted to the same sex? No one is making them get gay married or anything just because they think someone of the same sex is hot. HOCD posters talk like they absolutely have to live in an all or nothing world, that they are either all straight or all gay, that there can be no in between. That in itself sounds like its own form of OCD.

Thanks guys for posting I mean I think over time Ill be able to get over it and find my strength to overcome it. While I don't consider myself bi I appreciate your post about that. I also found it very cathartic to just express how I've been feeling as this is the first time I've ever let anyone know how I feel.My anxiety triggers while I still get them they have been getting better and I have gotten better hold on controlling them and brushing them off. Thanks again friends for your responses.