I am a married, female sex addict and am terrified

Very similar story like mine but I'm male. Good luck with yours. This post is two years old. If you are ever on again read mine. I think you might have to wait a day so the moderators can read it before posting.

ShameGuilt, what do you do about your situation? I Don't really want to change what's happening with mine. I feel it is completely destructive and in a ###$ up way I actually like that. I suppose that's why I have not stopped. It would ruin my wife which I never want to do, I love her. I love this lifestyle of secrecy too...

Well. When my wife caught me I was kind of relieved that she found out. The weight on my shoulder was coming down. We talked about it and she is very understanding about my past. I know how you feel man. And if you ask me if I would have never gotten caught would I have continued? I would say yes I would. I'm not gonna lie. I have already been thinking if she would have left me I would have been hurt too. She has been there for me since my last deployment from Iraq and for my PTSD problem as well. I know how you feel man. And I struggle everyday. For people like us i think there is always a struggle.

Hi Krista, First off I would never call you @!*$ although we sex addicts feel like it alot, at least I do. You have alot of the same feelings that I do and I don't know how healthy it is for women and men to be talking about their sexual habits in the open like this, but I think basically we're all the same way down deep. I honestly can't tell you that you can whip it because why would I be here if it can be done? But surely with opening up to other people and exposing it we'll get some help. But for a little on my situation: I am a married man of 14 years and like someone else already posted my wife is completely perfect and puts up with my behavior. I am also a cybersex addict, I go in chatrooms and talk to other women who are there for the same reason I am. I have tried blocking sites, phone numbers, etc but it always ends up not working. I am a man so after the physical release I am usually fine for 24 hours or so. My biggest problem is if I can resist the temptation throughout the day (and I normally do) after I go to bed and fall asleep I'll wake up in an hour or two and be so aroused and with my sleepy brain I can't think straight for a bit and in that state something propells me to my computer or cell phone since my wife is sleeping and don't want to be bothered. Another time is morning. I have always had very very strong urges upon awakening and my wife is NOT a morning person in that respect. I feel if I could stay awake nonstop my problem would diminish a lot. Sometimes my body alone gets me, I just physically need it, other times I start thinking about it and that arouses me. It's like someone already said there's the voices or powers inside us always at conflict with each other. I feel like if I stop doing this, I'll just die of boredom because it does give me something to look forward to, but after it's done I feel horrible. I know it's cheating and it's wrong. And my biggest fear is the internet itself since minors will come into adult chatrooms and they are just as into it as adults and it just scares me to the core. Girls 15 or 16 will message me and sometimes I'm able to tell them no, but lets face it girls at that age are already pretty mature and in this day and age are not innocent, but still I know I shouldn't talk to them. I might add that I never look for them I even say in my posts that I want adults only but that doesn't stop them from messaging me and in my aroused state it's next thing to impossible to say no. And I live in fear from that. Because I would never ever do something to a minor in real life but my inner voice tells me well if you do it on the internet you will do it in real life and that simply isn't true. Also I have always been an honest person and I find it very hard to outright lie since that was the way I was taught and I feel that if someone would be watching me, or tracking me, or maybe doubting me that I can overcome it, that would spur me on to do it just to show them that I can. Because I know they're monitoring me anyway and I am sort of proud of my honesty and it boosts my self respect so much if I can prove that I can do it. But I can't find anyone willing to assign themselves to me. Maybe my situation seems mild to some but let me say that I was raised in a very sheltered religious atmosphere so it's the consience, the guilt, the shame and fear that overwhelms me sometimes, and I know the times that I'm able to overcome a temptation, how much more self respect I have. But then the voice inside me says, "what? you mean you're leaving me?" Sorry if this is too long I just wanted to open up. Krista, you're definately not alone like our minds like to tell us sometimes. I don't have the answers since I am also here, but surely together we can whip it.

Wow, this post is two years old and the comments keep coming. Including mine. When you are abused as a child especially sexually abused it's like you are conditioned for self loathng. You feel unworthy of love and positive connections with people. The pain you experience being abused is too much for a young mind to process, so it goes deep.It nags at you still, but in another way forcing you to dissascociate sex from intamacy(because intimacy makes us feel vulnerable) Truth be told, the pain never goes away and it feeds off your sexual compulsions. The angry child inside you that wasn't protected from abuse is screaming out for you to take action (get in therapy and really do the work) or it will only get worse.

krista you have to go back to past scars and let go of all that anger, how to let go give yourself justice and let go of all the anger and pain, and fear be the bigger person not the victim, and MOST OF ALL YOU HAVE NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY , DIRTY OR LIKE YOUR A BAD PERSON BECUSE OF IT call the guy that did it, go see him in jail , and look at him even in the face and tell him I m the bigger person , i forgive you , you don't scare me, think what you did is gonna stop me mame me , i'm not the one taking it in the ass in prison you are if he is in jail.
Let go of that angry other wise he will always have you , thats what he wanted to hurt you, make you angry , take controll of you, be the better person and take you life back!!!

I am horrified to give up my addiction because if I am a lost cause I won't have the drug. Then what will I do???

I know exactly what you mean. I feel like I don't want to stop, but I want to want to stop. It's good that you told your husband...that takes real courage that some of us don't have...

Ladies you all have my heart warm feeling going out to you I'm in the same boat only different. I not so happy to see that it's just not me. Thanks for making me part of a group. We can beet this. I know I can.. Here's to you brave woman.. Take care

Hi krista

It's been several years since you posted this but the only thing that has changed may be building sophistication your attitude.

You may have come to an era where you have become more empowered in your addiction. We do that when we admit to ourselves we have an addiction so we can learn to channel it from within ourselves where it comes from. You'll never ever not be an addict. When you learn that you will grow.

You can also learn to accept yourself and work out strategies to live with yourself. Since 2009 you may be on the way to this. Be good to hear from you in 2013 now as to how you have grown in yourself.

I have had the pleasure of knowing and being involved with a number of female sex addicts and have learned to recognise them quickly. They are always very charming and overt in their body language. They can also be quick to make physical contact such as touching, brushing, hugging to quickly establish intimacy. Curiously, nearly all I have met do not expose themselves. They are very sexually intelligent and live for foreplay. They want to be in our minds bit by bit until we understand their interest in us which is to initiate penetration. Not all female sex addicts are bi sexual either. They like sexual power over males to cause erections.

Your sexual addiction is an attraction and makes you look attractive no matter your age or looks. Your charm and agreeable nature can make you popular and as you get older you will master the complexity of your addiction. One positive is that you will not lose your attractiveness as you age because your alluring nature will grow no matter how your looks change.

Also, people feel comfortable around you because you have no aura of walls or personal space. Communication is a valuable tool for you and because of your perceived openness you can learn to develop your persona instead of feeling reduced and mentally diminished.

A great victory of course as a female sex addict is your ability to keep your truth discreet which I find fascinating. Unless a connoisseur such as myself recognises one, most people are completely unaware of the female sex addict in their midst.

Would love to correspond with you on all levels if you still read this thread.

Hi Krista,
I am glad to have read your story. You are not alone. I am sorry that you are going through this. I can realate to how painfl and shameful it is. I have been involved with SLAA since May of last year. I too told my hsuband all that had gone on. Our stories took a different path, but have some very similar characteristics. Most of my acting out was done via texting. I couldn't get enough...I was texting all the time...at work...at home...when my kids were in the room...when my husband was talking to me. Getting texts from men made me feel alive and wanted, at the same time as feeling ashamed and sick. I ended up meeting someone I didn't know. I eventually told my husband and he helped me. He found a support group and was will to hold my hand while I got help. It has been a hard road and I have recently slipped, but I am back to recovery again.
All of this is to say that you can go on...it will get better. It is hard work, but reaching out to people for help and hearing stories of people who have similar struggles will help. You aren't alone, keep fighting and asking for help.