I impulsively masturbated one day and I'm feeling awful

For so many years, I've been dealing with problems with my addiction from pornography and masturbation. I have so much shame and regret from it and so much bad things came out of it ever since I was a high schooler. It's been quite some time since I've watched pornography and I'm happy about that, but masturbation is still a problem for me.

One day, I masturbated but felt impulses to escalate the way I was doing it. I got bored of how I usually did it, so I decided to thrusting against my bathroom sink. It worked and it didn't bother me physically. I tried to do this again while taking a shower and it didn't have the same affect. I got the impulses again and I decided to do the same thing against my bathroom wall. I really regret this and I have so much difficulty moving from this. I hate that being so hooked on this made me do something so stupid. The wall was dirty and had germs and after I did it I tried to keep myself clean. I don't think it worked and after a while I began feeling pelvic pain. This let me to believe I had gave myself a urinary tract infection. I've had UTIs in the past from masturbating and the only symptom I got was burning urination. I got rid of this effectively by drinking water to flush out my bladder. This time, I didn't have burning urination. The symptoms I had was pelvic pain, my urine kind of looked dark, and it had a strong odor. I decided to get this checked out and told a doctor about my symptoms. He told me these were symptoms of a UTI and I was prescribed antibiotics.

I also noticed that my ejaculatory fluids were watery. At one point they were yellow when I tried to clean it on tissue but it doesn't appear to be that way now. It's still a little watery and I'm afraid something is affecting my body along with my sperm.

After finished my antibiotics, I did feel better. But months later, I started feeling worse. I got pain in my back and kidney area but not pelvic pain. One night, I simply couldn't sleep. I was so distressed and anxious over the fact that I thought I had an upper UTI and it was affecting my kidneys.

I went to see a doctor a second time, I have them a sample of my urine and they told me that I actually didn't have a UTI. This really surprised me because I really thought what I did gave me some sort of infection.

Not I'm just left feeling really sluggish and I get d it discomfort that varies from my pelvis and to my stomach along with slight headaches. I haven't been sleeping that great but I usually don't sleep well.

I hate that I put myself through this. I hate that my addiction is still s problem for me and it's gotten to this point. I hate that I did something so disgusting to myself. It didn't even feel right. I felt nothing but I just wanted a stupid high that gave me nothing but disappointment in the end. My only guess is that I'm feeling these physical symptoms because of the antibiotics that I took. I just don't know. I don't know what to do. I'm just trying to let this all pass day by day.

But even if it does, I'm still haunted by the memory of me doing this. I always told myself that I feel like I'm a different person when I'm indulging in my addictions. It doesn't feel like I'm truly me and I'm being consumed by these things. I have so much regret. I want to take back so many things because of this. Ever since the day I discovered porn at such a young age things just haven't been good like it was in my childhood. I wish I could go back to that point in my life. I hate what I've become because of these stupid addictions.

I've spent hours and days trying to find an answer about the situation and I just can't. I just want this all to go away and I want to go back to normal.

I don't even feel physically well masturbating anymore. Whenever I do, I literally can't sleep and I'll struggle with insomnia for like 2 days until I'm able to sleep again. I hate this so much.

Sure you don't have a kidney stone? If you've never had one, well, you'll know it once you've had one. They say it's like having a baby. Yeah I can believe that.

As for the semen, well, antibiotics will mess me up, heaven knows what it'd do to ejaculate.

But if the doctors aren't finding anything wrong I'm going out on a limb and my guess, if it were me, is stress and anxiety. I've had so many many symptoms that I think can be traced back to those two things. Try and chill a bit over this. Being all torn up over masturbating, only hurts yourself, I think. I mean if you're doing it too much and it's getting in the way of relationships and such, I understand, you got to do something about it. But this intense self-condemnation isn't helpful in the long run towards that end, I think. Be a little kind to yourself.

I say that, but I used to struggle a lot with my habits as well, so I remember the feelings of angst. With age came I guess what you'd call internal compromises with myself. Hopefully eventually you'll find some sort of balance. I have to say I think it's harder for people that have grown up with the internet, though, and exposed at younger ages to something rather more than a stray Playboy or Hustler like back in my day. I really hate that and feel sorry for younger people.

I don't think I've had concerns of a kidney stone. A major symptom that I've noticed and have been asked about was bloody urine, which I have never had. In fact, I don't have any pain in my urine whatsoever. I guess I don't have any physical condition to worry about and maybe I'm fine?

It's just hard to believe that with the random bouts of lightheadedness, and random aching around the body though. But as you and most other people have told me, it could just be stress and anxiety getting worse. My anxiety is so bad to the point where I'll have random bouts of insomnia.

I just hope this doesn't become a dangerous problem for me in the future.

I've been feeling so much mental fatigue and tiredness lately. It ranges from aching to just overall pressure in my head along with just feeling so tired. It comes and goes and I can't think of anything that it count be other than what I did here out of impulse or stress, anxiety, and worrying for my health so much.

The antibiotics didn't mess up me up, the impulsive behavior did. It was very watery and was yellow, which from what I looked up indicated infection. Either my antibiotics or my body fought the infection because they just told me I didn't have a UTI. Things look a lot better and my symptoms aren't there except for physical sensations which are probably caused by my intense anxiety. But I'm still worried. I'm worried that I may have HPV now. I was told that it's very unlikely but I saw a red bump down there along with a tiny bump that had pus come out when squeezed. It's been here since I remember the escalation happening. It doesn't give me any discomfort or notable symptoms but I'm still worried that it could be something. I don't seem to have sexual dysfunction but still.