I need to know it's not me

Hello everyone. I am 24, married, and have one child. These past few years I feel like I've been coming into myself. It's HARD to explain. The way I look at it is there is ME and there is HER. SHE is like a lustful demon on my back, attaching herself to my spine more and more each day. An animal, sex crazed, unstable, provoked by anything (fear, happiness, sadness, anger, nervousness, inadequatecy). I feel like I can't get sex or ANYTHING sexual off my mind for one second and I need to have it everyday, even multiple times a day. My husband satisfies me fine, but I'm not getting nearly as much as I crave. I don't talk to him much about it because I try to compromise with his "normal" sexual behavior. But sometimes it just takes me over. If she doesn't have her way I get moody and angry, I sometimes push him away or make rude comments then I feel so bad afterwards...until my appetite comes back then I'm angry all over again. She just wants to go free, let loose, exhale, be everything she can. It's like an anticipated high. I LOVE MY HUSBAND and would do nothing to hurt him, but if this has so quickly grown into what it has become, I'm afraid how much further it could go. Someone please help me figure out what I'm dealing with.

I am also, unfortunately a fan of masochism

Are there any other MH issues going on with you at the moment?

It was helpful for me to have a conceptual framework in place to identify things that happen as a result of my decisions regarding sex. The she/her demon model used in IAMNOTHER'S post is a good start. I view my conscious mind more like software that my brain is currently running and each discreet part of it has its own file. So for example the masochistic tendencies that I have are files stored in a folder labeled sexual desires together with the rest of my desires. One thing I quickly realized is that these files cannot be deleted anymore that you can purposely forget the memory of what something looks. What's more, your sexual desire files are not like a vacation photos you may have in your Pictures folder. These system files are required for your operation system (OS) to run properly. All of these system files function cooperatively as your stream of consciousness and simply can't be deleted just like on any traditional computer. These files are obligatory components of your consciousness, and so is IAMNOTHER'S "her" demon for the same reason.

There have, however, been times when a sexual desire of mine becomes inconvenient to me for whatever reason. As an alternative to deleting these files, I have been able to hide them in obscure sub-directories for various periods of time. This can give the temporary illusion that these files have been deleted until your brain discovers that it has been trick and will immediately place that file right back to where it came from. Not only is this trick temporary, i have inevitably found it to have detrimental effects. For any software to function properly it needs to be edited and updated on a regular basis. The files that you hide from mind, however, never get these critical updates. Over time the software versions of these files that you hid from your mind are no compatible with the current version of your mind's OS. What began as a merely inconvenient sexual desire file comes back to you in an much more corrupted and incompatible form. In other words, your dirty little sexual desire is now even dirtier.

I can draw a similar analogy from IAMNOTHER'S she/her demon model which I would envision going something like the following: "She" (IAMNOTHER) will tell "her" (demon) that her is not worthy enough to sit at the table with she in the conscious world. She wants to get rid of her but she can't so she does what she thinks is the next best thing and hides her from the conscious world by locking her up in the darkest dungeon of she's sub-conscience. She will likely justify these actions to her in standard defense mechanism form: Her's sexual desires are shameful and an embarrassment she will likely say to her. Her isn't even human according to she. Her is a sick demon that deserves to be locked away in the dungeon she will forcefully say to her over and over again. Unfortunately for she, her is sexually aroused by that and comes back for more each time with an seemingly bigger appetite for those sexual desires. While she benefits from the intellectual and spiritual growth that she gets from the conscious world, her not only stagnates by surviving solely on the pleasures of the dungeon, her willingness and ability to use it in almost every situation now appears to be much more unbounded or even limitless.

If these abstractions highlight anything i believe it is the realization that the traditional world of addiction medicine is fundamentally ill equipped to deal with human sexuality. For me, making better decisions regarding sex came from having a better understanding of myself and being at peace with it. The concept of "normal" or "demonic" have no place in a discussion of human sexuality. Your turn ons are yours turn ons and thats just all there is to it. Until they start prosecuting thought crimes - one's fantasies do not and indeed should not have any limitation whatsoever. A distinction should certainly be made between behaviors and fantasies. Experts in addiction follow that with a reminder that addictions are defined in terms of their consequences and quickly note the conflicts can result in the context of a relationship. Its not the sexual desires that cause the problem, its the behaviors that flow from the shame campaigns and the purposeful misinformation that society brings to the table. You know what else causes conflicts in a relationship? Not being yourself. Or trying to turn someone into something that are not especially when it relates to sex. The rarely acknowledged worse part of this is the years and years of bad sex those people had to endure that other person. I cringe just thinking about it. Remember, this is your life. Good luck!

I can only tell you I am experiencing something similar. Married, kids, suddenly waylaid by an insatiable desire to be with other women. I never even DREAMED I would be "that guy" when I got married and the past few years of it. Things that I enjoyed in the past - looking at porn, checking out attractive women during my day, hearing single friends talk about their adventures - are actually really unpleasant now because it's arousing/frustrating to the point of being triggering! As for advice, I can only share the conversation I've been having with myself to keep walking the line (which I have done by the way). (By the way I realize you didn't explicitly mention possible cheating - not being presumptuous here, just sharing my situation in case it's helpful).

1) Remind myself that it's wrong to cheat and how utterly humiliating it would be when I got caught, which I probably would.

2) Remind myself that even if I didn't get caught I would have to deal with guilt, stress, and worry for the rest of my life.

3) Take a step back and look at sex for what it is - a bodily function. To be so obsessed with it is really ridiculous when you think about it!

4) Think maybe this is a phase - could be hormonal, could be something going on the background that I'm not seeing - there's no reason to assume I will feel this way a few months from now.

So the crazy thing is - despite all of that - I'm placing the odds at 50% I will end up hooking up. Ugh.

Snaga, MH?? I'm sorry, I'm new to the slang.

Beatphreak,

Wow, that is an interesting way to look at it, very complex but everyone has there own way of simplifying complicated things, just like we all have different coping mechanisms. I'm just starting to process and "trying to" accept who i am. I've been starting to write everything I feel "semi unscensored" in my journal, knowing that my husband reads it from time to time. It's my way of letting him into my world without facing him directly. I don't think he's read it yet, but I have a feeling he'll be confronting me soon (hopefully in a good, sensitive way). I created SHE, because I was confused. I've always been a very sexual person, as early as the age of 7 when I grew an interest in porn and the penis, but until now I've never been at a point in my life where I felt it could be growing into a problem and I may be losing control of myself. I wasn't like this before, and I've never dealt with these thoughts and urges as aggressively as I do now. So the only reasoning I had was it's not me, it's a demon. It's her...She is this way.

Does hyperactive sexual disorder progress with age??
Is it triggered by something??
Why am I dealing with this NOW??

Beatphreak,

Another reason is because of how up and down I get. One morning my husband and I can have amazing sex, then 20 mins. later, sometimes right after, I need to get off again. If I don't I'm irritated, then I think how I'm so lucky to have my husband and he makes me feel so good and he's so sexy... 20 mins. later I'm wanting to run to him and say "I need more sex. You need to give me more sex. What is it? Is my pussy not good to you anymore?? You need to give me more sex or we're going to have a problem." Not that I would go outside my marriage." Some days I want to go to him and say "When's the last time we had sex??!" But then I realize it's only been like 2 days (if that) since we last had sex. This is when I feel like an a**hole, and I'm thankful that I didn't actually approach him. Then I just want to cuddle and love on him, but with hidden intentions (of course). If he doesn't respond to me touching on him or kissing him, them we're back to square 1 and I'm irritated again. I'm trapped...SHE is so selfish and inconsiderate, and he deserves better. He's the best.... It's funny to think he has absolutely no clue what's going on with me.... Yet.

I'm sorry, I meant mental health issues. Like Borderline Personality Disorder or, actually, I was wondering if you experience mood swings independent of sex.

Ok ok . No I haven't been diagnosed with any mental health issues besides anxiety and depression years ago. I've never spoke about or received help for any of my problems. And yes. I do have mood swings independent. Mostly I get really happy and energetic, then slobbish and sad.