I'm flirting too much while in a relationship

Hi, my name is 'Moonraker'. I really don't know where else to turn about this problem, and I'm hoping I can get some input for someone.
I've been in a relationship nearly 6 years with a girl I love an incredible amount. We currently live together and it's going really well.
I have OCD, depression and anxiety. I've had it growing up and now at the age of 27 I find myself worrying, dwelling and all the rest of the negatives that come with these illnesses. I don't see it getting any better but that is something in itself and is only linked to the reason that I post.
I find that I am a serial flirt. And it is now getting to the point whereby the impact of my flirting is really starting to do me some harm both mentally and in terms of my 'appearance' to others.
I never got much female attention when I was younger. I had a couple of girlfriends, was hurt one or two times quite badly but after university I became involved with my current partner. Barring a short break imposed on her part we are still together anda very much in love.
However when I go out , or sometimes even when not, I find myself flirting with many women.
Sometimes it's at work with a woman I had a brief 'thing' with when my girlfriend broke up with me for a few months maybe four years ago.
Sometimes it's just on a night out with friends - some of whom are single and inevitably are around attractive single women. I don't have sex with these women or kiss these women, but I do flirt, make a lot of eye contact and inevitably on a night out dance with them.
Now I was always seen as ' the sensible one', the 'one that wouldn't do anything wrong' but as time has gone on my peers have realised that I am a flirt to the extent that in a recent conversation when someone said 'think of all the young single women in Bar X when we go out after the gig' and I said 'I don't care about that, I just want to enjoy the music!' My best friend said in a group text that 'I was the biggest flirt going' which was immediately followed up by another friend saying 'I second that'
Now that just hit home for me.
And there are others who have said or implied similar things; not in front of my girlfriend but over the last few years.
I feel like I am losing my identity. I feel like that even though my girlfriend Isn't aware of this 'serial flirting' that the way people think about our relationship is enough damage for me to feel absolutely horrendous.
The other thing as well is that sometimes things happen on these flirty nights out I have that make me dwell and I just can't get past them. On my most recent night out, I was dancing near to a girl and as it was we were packed like sardines in this club. I was pushed against this girl by accident twice, brushing her face with mine as a result on two occasional. I swear down that there was no intention there on these too occasions, no desire to kiss this girl (which I didn't, but my OCD makes me dwell that I 'might've have just spend that split second too long brushing her face'). I can hardly forgive myself for this incident and I keep dwelling and as per on the above more 'ongoing' issue i am thinking some quite dark thoughts at the moment.
I love my girlfriend. I want to change. I want my friends and peers to stop thinking of me as this serial flirt and probably consequentially, that I'm treating this amazing girl poorly. I want to stop dwelling on one off instances; dancing too close to someone, accidently falling into someone's face and thinking I've committed a sin....but because I can't pinpoint what happened in that instance (as a result of drinking too much alcohol) I can never really 'get over it' and it just stays with me creating this horrible black hole I can't escape.
These events, feelings and continuous flirting that I can't help but do are now getting me to breaking point. I have said today that this is my turning point, but I don't know if I've already done too much damage. I am absolutely gutted and whilst I can and hopefully will stop this incessive flirting, I am worried that I'll never be able to forgive myself for my behaviour.

If anyone has any advice, input, has similar issues please let me know.

Moonraker

Moonraker123 wrote:I want my friends and peers to stop thinking of me as this serial flirt and probably consequentially, that I'm treating this amazing girl poorly.

I don't want to justify the flirting. Because I think it can and is causing problems from what you've said. But I don't think that consequence you mention is necessarily there. It is theoretically possible to be a great partner and a flirt. If your partner is secure in herself. And confident in you. Then flirting is just a part of who you are. And not something that's going to affect her.

But I get what you mean about "not wanting to be the sort of person who..." It's like some part of you is making up for something you feel you "missed out on" when you were younger. Even though you're a different person now. There's still a reward from the flirting. Do you know what you get out of it? It may be hard to work out. But worth digging, maybe. [Better than the OCD dwelling on an incident that is not resolvable. That you'll never have enough facts to decide one way or another.]

I can sense a lot of guilt in your story. I only know this because I can relate with you a lot. As my therapist told me last week, having depression will autimatically make you feel guiltier. It is a symptom of depression.

I think it all depends on how you define "flirting." Is flirting being really cheerful and happy with the opposite sex? What is so wrong with that? Now, if it proceeds to touching, exchanging numbers (with the intent of something more), kissing, that goes beyond flirting and transfers into cheating (at least, thats how I define it).

I think the other poster is right. In any addiction, you want to figure out what causes the addiction. What is the main reason you think you flirt?

For me, personally, I probably flirt because when I was growing up, I didn't have much contact with guys. As a result, I get super nervous around guys now. And as a result, I smile and laugh a lot. So what? What's the big deal? I'm not doing anything wrong by doing that. Everyone flirts to an extent. If flirting is just being overly nice, then what's the big deal.

I don't think you have done anything wrong. Your anxiety and OCD may have made you obsess about this topic and made you worry more then you need to.