Porn addiction and other thoughts on sex

Before you go on and read, I would like to acknowledge that this post is a mix and match of my thoughts on porn addiction and my personal experience with it. I know I'm not alone with this problem. I see many people online trying to overcome it but they fail to do so, just like me. I realise that I need to put more effort into it if I ever want to overcome it. Porn has negative effects on our lives and it's time to stop pretending that it's all fun and distraction/entertainment. Porn is taping into our primitive desires for sexual gratification, and as thinking beings, we have to be stronger than our primitive desires.

I think that there is a disparity between porn and any sexual education we may get as youngsters growing up. In a recent article about the use of porn among teenagers, surveys revealed that "young people believe the sex education they currently get in school hasn't kept pace with the realities of their digital and social media lifestyles.’"

I must personally advocate that view even for my generation of teenagers when I used to be one in the late 1990s/early 2000s. Kids are exposed to porn super early in life these days (11 year old average), specially since it is so accessible through the internet and because teenagers are curious, they will end up looking at it. Or some friends will end up showing it to them. For young males, it could be a pride thing, as well as a discovery of sex. Pride because they can boast to their friends that they've seen this adult thing. they've committed an offense without getting caught. They've seen what grown ups see and do. But little do they know how unrealistic this is. I recall my first porn video as I speak of this. It was a friend of my older brother who came at our house with a VHS tape and played it on our tv unit. I saw a super hot blonde women sucking a guys dick and receiving his cum in her mouth. This image was intriguing, arousing, and shocking at the same time. It was a discovery of new sensations and a forbidden world. I was perhaps 12 or 13 years old then. Pornography has had an addictive effect on my life, as I recall having had an interest in watching porn or naked women ever since (my sexuality basically kicked in). I remember watching porn with some male AND female friends once, at the age of about 15, just for kicks. It was awkward but a relief to know that my curiosity with porn was shared by girls. At that time porn was rare and it wasn't something I had seen a lot. What I was watching with the girls was as educational for them as it was for me. "Educational".. Up to this day, I find myself watching porn regularly, too often, sometimes everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. But sometimes I have breaks during which I don't watch porn for a whole week and it feels great, I feel proud of myself then. But it's out of my control, it depends on how busy I am, how lonely I am, how depressed or stressed I am. I've recently started watching webcams for a change and talking to the performers, giving them tips to take off their clothes, and it's also couples ######6 and blowjobs and cumshots. I also try to get girls to watch me. As we speak, the simple thought of it caused me to go on the website and jerk off to some chick sucking a guys dick. The fact that it's live and that they seem to be doing it just for fun and for some tips, is even more exciting. This is an addiction. The feeling of an orgasm is somehow too good to be ignored. The hormones, endorphines that are released are very relaxing, it's a quick fix for boredom, anxiety, stress.. we all know that. It's easier than a relationship, and sometimes I prefer masturbating to porn than real sex. It's a combination of chemicals and the illusion off having a mutually satisfy sexual fantasy with a girl who has no grudges against us in other aspects of our lives. I'm starting to wish I had pills that could make me feel this good all the time. Funny enough, I read a similar statement in an article about porn addiction, and they said than porn IS that pill.

Sex education in our early years, will it improve our chances of not becoming porn addicts? Can porn addiction remedies outweigh the determination of porn producers and websites to get us to watch porn? We need solutions to our unhealthy relationship with porn and sex. The more we resist porn, the more hardcore they will get. Porn has already reached a hardcore level. There's disgusting stuff out there like people eating their fesces, girls and guys swaping seemen with their mouths, people licking eachothers butt holes, guys gagging chicks with their dicks. Sexual deviations is becoming such a thing that even popular women's health magazines suggest to their female readers that they should include activities such as ######6 their husbands up the ass with a fake plastic cock around her waist, to spice up their sex lives. To me there's something wrong with a popular magasine like Women's Health to suggest such activities in heterosexual couples. This is the influence of media, they will get people to think that such activities is common in certain societies. But what they are doing is screwing with our minds, and using provocative ideas to catch our attention.

Porn seems to have twisted man's morals and sanity. Deep throat blowjobs are a big turn on for me I must say, but I find that acceptable. I would love a real deepthroat bj sometime. But then we see double penetrations, gang bangs, all sorts of extreme stuff on porn sites. They are all fantasies and can often turn me on but I cannot see myself enjoying these things in real life. It's ok to watch, but not to do. Firstly I'm straight and cannot bear the idea of having another naked man in the room, but I am open to the idea of having two girls at once. That would be a turn on and make me feel somehow manly and proud. But maybe porn is a way for us to discover or explore our sexuality. But does that justify the extremes of porn? Why is sexuality and sexual exploration so important? Aren't relationships more important than that? Because pornographers can cash in on porn, they will always have people advocating that porn is a good thing. And although I agree that eroticism and porn are in essence not such bad things , it's the extent to which it is hardcore, violent and disgusting that is a bad thing, in my opinion.

I know this is a bit of blabber, but if any of this is relatable, please comment. I know I'm not the only one who feels hopeless about their porn addiction. I don't want to stop completely, I just want to watch less of it, and I want it to stop interfering with my productivity and personal life.


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Thank you for your post. I fund it interesting, though I disagree with it in several areas. First, I would say that while porn addiction is harmful, pornography is not. Not everyone becomes addicted to pornography, just like not everyone becomes addicted to alcohol. It is best not to assume that your issues are everyone else's issue. Secondly, maybe if pornography was normalized and talked about from an early age it would be less of a problem. People would see it as more of a fantasy, rather than reality. You know that super heroes aren't real because no one has a problem talking about super heroes. If we felt free to talk about pornography it wouldn't be this mysterious thing that people think could be real.

Well at best porn portrays women purely as sex objects and promotes unrealistic perceptions of sex. I've known guys who expected me to respond as their favorite porn star. I like sex as well as anyone, but I can't compete with a fantasy.

Well at best porn portrays women purely as sex objects and promotes unrealistic perceptions of sex. I've known guys who expected me to respond as their favorite porn star. I like sex as well as anyone, but I can't compete with a fantasy.

Well spoken, I think, but not exactly true in all cases. Porn has been stripped down into such niche slots and fetishes, that we can say the same about men being sex objects also. Think the CFNM porn, Clothed Female Nude Male. Or the cuckold porn, with women in control of men.

I will say your take on unrealistic perceptions, especially amongst young men is spot on, from what I have seen. Very very hard to compete with a fantasy, the fantasy has to be seen as an add-on to hopefully good sex, which I think is the way to go. Here a willing partner is needed and wanted.

I don't think that there will ever be a "cure" for porn addiction and I also don't think that porn will ever be done away with (porn is as old as cave paintings; it will always be around). I think I agree with Jimjustjim that we need to make it more open. Also, better, earlier, and more open sex education (where we talk about things that are done in porn and why it is not realistic) would help, too.

WOW! Ontherightpath, you said it all! Thank you!!

I am BPD married to a NPD sex addict. I was molested by a cousin and exposed to pornography starting at age 5. I also seemed to be a magnet for other little girls who were being abused because 3 of my girl friends from age 5 to age 9 engaged in oral sex with me at every sleep over. We were children, but without being told we knew instinctually not to tell our parents. We knew that it was wrong but it felt nice, so we didn't stop. I moved away from them and didn't have another sexual experience until I was 16. As a BPD having been exposed to porn early, I thought I needed to perform like those girls, so men liked me because I really went for it, but I didn't experience intimacy for many years... mostly because I didn't know I was supposed to feel anything other than being proud of a job well done.

I am in my 40's now and it has only been in the past year that I didn't use my sexuality and my looks to get attention from men. It is how I defined myself. If men didn't want to have sex with me, what the hell was my purpose? (note: I was not having sex with other men, just craving attention)

Those of you who say porn isn't bad need to think of it in degrees of its effect on behavior. Perhaps if my cousin hadn't been exposed to his mom's boyfriend's porn magazines, he wouldn't have felt the desire to explore my little body and violate me. Perhaps if I hadn't been molested by my 11 year old cousin who prior to the molestation, I adored, I wouldn't have thought that it was ok for people who I cared about to use my body for their pleasure. Maybe the little girl next door who showed me one of her step dad's porn magazines at age 5 (I can still see that pic of two women performing oral sex on each other in my mind) wouldn't have felt that performing oral sex on me was ok because that is what the girls in the magazine were doing.

Just because porn has been around forever, doesn't make it a healthy expression of sexuality. I am a voyeur myself...I love watching people have sex, but that doesn't make it healthy for my marriage or my sexual expectations in my relationship. Since my husband is a sex addict and I have my own issues with sex as well as BPD (wanting to please him all the time and giving to my detriment), we walk a fine line when it comes to sex and pornography.

You wrote about how depraved pornogrpahy is becoming, trying to make more disgusting sexual behavior the norm. IMO I think it has alot to do with porn being so easily accessible, so frequently used, and people getting bored watching the same "flavor" of sex, so they need to take it a step further. I starting watching porn at the request of my husband more than 15 years ago. The things I saw profoundly changed my perception of what he wanted from our sexual relationship. Over the years, his desires became more "out-of-the-norm" and i lost myself trying to understand his needs and give him what he wantes. I found myself becoming unable to masterbate without porn, which progressively went from fairly vanilla to watching gay male porn or rough gang bangs to get off, when in reality those things do nothing for me, I was just looking for something new to masterbate to. And porn makers are practicing normal business tactics by trying to find new ways to please the customer. In no way does that make it right, but it is a business and that is what businesses do. Pornographers don't hold a gun to anyone's head and force them to watch. We make that choice.

Hi RedLotus,

Thanks for sharing, it's great to hear other people's side of the struggle with sexual addiction/behaviour. I was surprised by your story relating to your early sexual experiences, but at the same time I can relate a little bit since when I was about 10, some guy friends and I were interested/ curious about sex and tried to re-enact heterosexual sex without really knowing that there was such a thing as gay couples and gay sex. Thankfully we didn't know what gay couples actually do. I'm afraid of giving too much information as I'm suspecting that my father has looked into my browser and might have seen that I express myself on this website, which makes me want to create a new username (Dad if it's true and you're reading this, it's a violation of my privacy so please don't try to find out what my new username is). I will just add that I've done things with my friends in my early years which I'm embarassed to talk about without complete secrecy, and some things will remain as skeletons in our closets.

Jimjustjim and Randi, I agree about being more open about porn as well. I think parents should have an almost humorous attitude towards porn. But certain things are difficult to be humorous about because they seem so degrading to women, like bukkake porn and gang bang. It's a bit disturbing for me to admit, but they are some controversial porn that i myself find interesting and stimulating, which is rather alarming. I will never in my whole entire life even dare to attempt the shameless and barbaric act that I'm about to talk about, but to watch a re-enactment of it and to fantasize about it sometimes turns me on, but only through porn - it's not something that I imagine in my head when I'm looking for sexual stimulation. What I'm getting at is rape porn... If any of you think this is unnatural or morally wrong, please comment. I don't know how to explain, but there's something to it.. I respect and appreciate women a lot. but maybe it's to do with my inability to get laid with hot and slutty women. i like the idea that the woman in rape porn is moaning/resisting while ultimately enjoying it. i don't want to justify too much, and I don't think it's simply a power thing, i think there's also a dose of romantic passion to it. It's the girl who says she doesn't want to but in reality she wants to, but her sexual inhibitions, the way society tells her to behave, forbids her from enjoying the moment, and the guy in the act is breaking away her inhibitions giving her intense pleasure. I've seen this kind of resistant behaviour in romantic sex scenes in movies so hopefully I'm not a psycho. Rapists are psychos, I want to be as far away as a comparison to rapists as possible. Rape porn is widely available, consumed and tolerated so I think it's something I need to express.

Back to the point, how can such things as rape porn, bukkake, gang bang, hardcore throat ######6, be discussed in a non-disturbing way between parents and kids, teachers and students, media and consumers. It would seem like a good idea to have educative videos on Youtube, or have websites dedicated to educating the public on the psychological aspects of porn (besides forums like this one which is already quite helpful). Maybe there are already such things but I haven't seen them. Teachers and parents should refer their kids to such websites/ressources. I'm sure parents will find it safer/easier than discussing with their kids themselves.

Thank you for all of your replies, looking forward to potential new ones!

-- Mon Dec 15, 2014 2:48 pm --

Oh and Jimjustjim, thank you for your comment, I found it helpful..