26 year old female with possible sex addiction

Hello. I am a 26 year old white female who is educated (medical school) and accomplished. I have a large, supportive family and consider my upbringing to have been among the best. However, I have been struggling with inappropriate sexual behavior since I was about 16. I didn't lose my virginity until my first weekend of college (I had strict parents or it would've happened much sooner). I've really made up for lost time because in less than 10 years, I've had sex with about 150 men. I sort of stopped counting a long time ago but can piece things together well enough for an estimate. I have sex almost exclusively with men from the internet, primarily through posting on Craigslist casual encounters. When I decide to do this, I am sober and I want to meet a man for sex. However, I always drink alcohol to make it less awkward and because I have a hard time finding enough decent, attractive men on Craigslist to make sober sex anything less than repulsive. I don't really enjoy the sex very much but I like feeling desirable. Many times, the man will come over (yep, I Just let strange men into my apartment when I'm drunk without meeting them in public first) and I'll tell him what I do and such, and he honestly can't fathom why I am seeking casual sex on the internet. They tell me that I am appealing and smart and that I should know better. Once, a guy felt so bad about the situation that he just left and told me not to do it anymore. Anyway, two days ago I met three men within 5 hours for sex. I feel pretty gross about it. No one else in my life knows that I do this and I feel like a fraud. I can sometimes tell myself not to do it, and that it's only interfering with my ability to have a normal relationship (it's been years). But, then I think... I'm 26, young, pretty, smart, articulate, and APPEALING to men. This is my best opportunity to have sex with as many men as I can while I'm still desirable. I don't want to be abstinent in search of a husband who many never even come. I'm really torn. I looked into SAA but that whole "you can't have sex at all except with your spouse" bit is downright harrowing. Is there not another option?

If we replace "sex with many men" with my own "daily fetish activity," we have much in common, even though I am a male and much older than you. I don't think you need to worry about why you do what you do; the sexual (hormonal) charge we each enjoy, even if the activity itself isn't particularly enjoyable, is enough to keep going at it again and again. The challenge (which I'm sure you understand) is controlling the urges so that our common sense replaces pointless behaviour.

I don't think that your behaviour is a lot different than that of many people who search continually for sex in order to fulfill a need which they can't even articulate. I certainly can't tell you why my fetishes command so much of my time, except that they make me feel better about myself, temporarily at least.

For decades, I considered myself to be a pervert (a word which I now understand has no real meaning because sexual activity itself cannot be evaluated as good or bad or normal or abnormal, except in terms of the harm it causes. I know that my fetishes have harmed me, and it seems that your believe your sexual activity has harmed you. I only began to have a more positive view of my sexual self when a psychologist, who had just learned about my fetishes (I had never told anyone else about them, not even my wife) assured me that I was not a pervert in the slightest, and gave me a hug at the end of our session.

If you haven't already done so, I strongly recommend that you seek out a sex-positive therapist, preferably a woman, who can perhaps give you some perspective about yourself and about your sexual adventures.

Other

Well, I'm glad that you've come to terms with your fetish behavior. I, however, am truly putting myself in harm's way (knowingly) and also am generally unsafe about my sexual encounters. I really just wish I could find someone consistent but I'm looking in all the wrong places. I am incredibly impatient, though, and having spent so much of my life studying and taking tests, etc. with the only release being a quickie or a drink (or 10), I have lost perspective. I had a therapist for a year who knew I was doing this and I don't recall her being so concerned. I was involved in some mutually beneficial arrangements and generally just seeking sex with married men (which I still do). I was blessed at that time with a rather unpleasant psychiatric diagnosis and am on medication that is supposed to keep these behaviors at bay. I am very high functioning but I have this dark side. I don't think it has anything to do with my mental illness (which is well treated); instead, I feel that it is a lingering habit that I developed during periods of hypersexual activity before my diagnosis and treatment. I have tried to abstain and break the habit but have only lasted about a month at a time. I even once spoke about it to a psych intake program person but she said the waiting time to see the sex therapist was about 2 months. I know what they'll say anyway. I know what I should be doing to fix it. I just feel so uneasy about giving it up. I don't want to wither away into some old woman who chose to stop having sex because it was hurting her so much. Which is worse? I don't know.

First at all, thank you very much for sharing your story. I know it isn't easy to do that. You are very brave to do that.
I'm a man, I'm 29 years old.
I don't know exactly what you 're getting through, but I can imagine the difficulty of your situation.
It's not easy to master urge when it happens.
Personnaly, I can, but not everyone can do that. I'm engaged with a woman who want to wait, who is not ready to make love with me. Sometimes, I feel upset, but I know that I have to wait, I like the idea that I can master my mind when i want.
I think you should try to practise sport for thing about an another thing. When you'll have find you big love it'll be easier for you to cope with the situation.
If you can't manage to master you urge, just be carreful with sexual transmise disease. After all, you have the right to make what you want with you body, just be carreful.

Think about my advice, that mean make a lot a sport for keeping your mind far away you sexual urge.

If you have any question, write me.
Have a nice day.