Porn, cybersex, and guilt

Hey everyone...

Background story short: I'm in a happy long term relationship with a great girl. I suffer from crippling anxiety and OCD. When I get depressed, I look at porn for hours, as it only depresses me more.

After a night of arguing with the GF, my OCD and depression kicked in super bad, which lead to me going online. My preferred site is going to Craiglist and reading the Casual Encounters postings, as they are just really off the wall. Anyway, one caught my attention. It was a guy who was looking for other guys to wrestle with...in super hero costumes as a sort of touchy/feely cosplay. As someone who is into cosplay (in a non-sexual way) I emailed him a few times back in forth about where he gets his costumes and what characters he cosplays. I made it clear that I wasn't interested in meeting up, and just had a lot of questions and he was kind enough to answer them. And that was the end of that.

It's been a few weeks later, and I feel terrible about myself. I would never cheat, but I feel like I did somehow. And I just hate myself.

I guess on the surface of it. Someone who wasn't really reading closely. Might say "Met someone in the Casual Encounters. Chatted online. That's like cheating." But that isn't what happened. You were looking for relief from very negative feelings. You found an interesting person and had a short conversation about something mutually shared. No sex intended. No lies told. Just something to take your mind off the stress.

You didn't cheat. Could this be linked to the OCD feeding off the original stress at all?