Addicted to incest fantasies

This is my first post, in the hope that I can have some help. I am a 58 year old married guy and happily married. However I have been plagued by thoughts/fantasies of having passionate sex with both my mother - now deceased - and sometimes a father figure too ( my dad died when I was an infant).

The predominant fantasy is my mother. This takes the form of masturbating when thinking of kissing her very passionately and having full sex in my bedroom. She is in late middle age and her breasts are very full. To bring this fantasy on, I look at photos of her - some of which I have blown up her breasts by image software - and masturbate to them. I also have intense orgasms when I imagine having my mother in bed when actually engaged in sex with my wife. One time I nearly called out my mother's name as I climaxed.

The father fantasy is gradual. He has divorced my mother but is lonely. I visit him and he asks me if I had ever kissed a man. With this as a baseline, we end up kissing as an experiment, then leads to an intense session of oral sex on his couch. We both go crazy with lust and there is no guilt afterwards. I am in a great situation as neither my mother or father know about each other's experiences with me, so I alternate between them.

The trouble is, that after I masturbate to these fantasies I feel I am not well mentally, It really worries me as it is plainly not right to think these things. Years ago I did try to slightly expose my cock to my mother when she came into my bedroom (I was in bed but pretending to sleep). She did see a little of it and slightly hesitated - that made me feel very aroused. There is no doubt I would have seduced her if she wanted to go further.

But now it all bothers me and I am worried. I cannot discuss this with a therapist. Why am I like this? Are there others who face this? Please help....

I can't say why you are having these thoughts; it could have to do with the loss of your parents. I think the bigger issue is your feelings of guilt around the thoughts. People have all kinds of thoughts, feelings, and fantasies. Incest fantasies are not unusual. I believe that most people have them at some point in their lives. The important thing is not to act out in away that would hurt anyone. Obviously this isn't going to happen with your parents (as they are both deceased) so the other question is about the amount of time you spend with these thoughts and fantasies. Is this affecting your life in some way? Is it affecting your relationship with your wife? It sounds like it could be starting to if you almost called out your mother's name during orgasm with your wife.

Perhaps you tend to associate your porn addiction to the subconscious emotions you have for your deceased parents. Though I've decided to seek help and I'll be checking out the online therapy program GreatnessAhead soon (as face-to-face sessions aren't my cup of tea), I as well visualize my highschool crushes and childhood friends as I'm recently drawn to schoolboy to schoolgirl porn. I suggest you talk to someone who's more educated in helping you manage your issues not only towards porn addiction but to resolve those to your late parents.

Thank you for your replies. Yes it is affecting my marriage in terms of less sex. I am not so sure about porn addiction per se. It id more an addiction to the thought of having sex with an older parent. The sheer pleasure of being in bed with an equally addicted mother is overwhelming at times. I have thought of meeting an older woman as a kind of substitute. Is this wrong I wonder?

Well, I would think that if you are meeting other women that would definitely affect your marriage. Maybe you need to stop and think about what you really want, most, in your life.

What I want is an understanding why I am constantly thinking of having sex with my mother. I am sure something happened to me when I was very young, but the memories are hazy. My older sister used to kiss me as a sort of game and I recall wanting her to do it again. I guess I was 4 or 5 years old. Years later (15 years or so) I saw her in my place and I almost asked her to kiss me again. It was a heart stopping moment as I really was on the verge of asking her.

Strange, but I never used to think of having sex with my mother when she was alive. I don't have any bereavement issues, so that's not an explanation. It is simple but complex: I am locked in a fantasy of passionate sex with a 65 year old mother and I cannot explain it. I don't feel guilty about it, just confused after I masturbate to her photos. What the hell is going on?

I was involved in incestuous relationships when I was a child and teen and I have many incestuous fantasies. Some of things that never happened, but most that were reliving the experiences. There is nothing wrong with fantasies, again unless they are affecting your current life. You very well may have had some experiences as a child, as well. Can you talk with your sister about this?

Yes I did speak to my sister a long time ago but it was on the pretext of hoping to kiss her! She was not shocked but strongly hinted that I should be faithful to my wife. I thought it strange that she was not repulsed by the thought of me kissing her, just her thing about "unfaithfulness".
However after a late party at her place I stayed up until 4 or 5 am and we talked. You could feel the tension, all sexual on my part. When I left her at the door, we kissed each other fully on the lips. She just gazed at me quietly afterwards; I am sure she would have not objected if I leaned forward to kiss her again, but I was too afraid to try.
Afterwards I could not help thinking that intimately kissing my sister cannot be as taboo as people make out. What is the fuss all about? Yes, it could have gone further and perhaps it would have been a one off, passionate sexual encounter which we would have enjoyed. When I see her now she still expects a full kiss when I leave for home (about 70 miles away). I desperately want it to linger but what if....? She is also not happy with her guy, so that opens up even stronger fantasies.
You say you were involved in incestuous relationships when you were a teen. How did this happen and did anyone suffer as a result? I must say I am strangely envious. But is there a psychodynamic explanation for all these addictive fantasies we go through?

My personal feeling is that an intimate kiss with your sister is not a big deal, but I know that too many people would disagree with that. But you are both adults. I think that at that point (especially) the only real damage would come from society/other peoples' view/things that have been taught to us. Incest is illegal in many places in the world, but not all. In fact it is legal if preformed by consenting adults (depending on the age of consent where you live) in many countries. Even in the US it is not illegal in New Jersey.

I was involved in several incestuous relationships as a child and a teen. As a teen most of them were one-time encounters with same-age cousins that were basically experimentation; one experience with an aunt which came out of mutual loneliness. But I had a longer term relationship with my step-sister that started when I was 12 and was off and on until I was 18 (and we were still close after that, but not sexual). That started as mutual exploration, but (at least on my part, and I think on her part, too) turned into a romantic, loving, caring relationship.

I have the same problem as you except that my sister is half-related as we don't share the same mother. me and my sister lived separately for a long time when we were a kid and after my 16th birthday we were again reunited and living together under my mother's roof. It was hard to not develop an attraction to her in my later years growing up as an adolescent. She became more womanly and embodies everything I like about women. Sometimes she would come into my room when i am asleep and sleep in my bed. I would play in my memory how I cuddle her as if she is my lover when we were both asleep on the same bed. One of the night when she came in my room to help me with studying for my exam, I couldn't take my mind off her and went to kiss her. At first it was lightly, then I kissed her fully in the lips and she pushed me away and rushed out of the room. Later I find out that she holds the same attraction for me. We both talked a bit. Mostly it is because we were separated when we were little that causes us to view one another as potential lovers. She doesn't want to be with me after she discover that I had feelings for her and that she also had feelings for me mainly because society looks down on incestuous relationship and especially that we been very related in the family tree, we both share the same father. Anyway a few years later we met again and indulge in our fantasies about us being together and I share with her how I would love to make dirty sex out of her. Although I would never do that because it be illegal and that if we were to have any kind of that relationship or physical or emotional intimacy we will have to hide it from everyone so that we can go about our normal lives. So it is best to keep these mutual feelings a secret from everyone since incest is not something that is accepted social norm and me and my sister understands that perfectly and my sister knows that this is a hopeless unrequited love that will never blossom but I always tell her maybe we would one day find a place where it is socially accepted.