your man like shemale? My one slept with!

*trigger warning*

Hi. Sorry for my English. I and my boyfriend 7 years together. 2 years ago we start having problems, well he start making excuses to don't have sex. So we took a brake for 2 weeks and went on holiday alone. He went to Thailand. When he returned I find out he slept with prostitute. Its was hard but i get over that. However problem wasn't solved and everything get even worse, i tried everything. And this year we almost broke up. Just before i thoth i will leave him, i went true his phone,(i know its wrong, and i never done it, and would not, but was looking for answer) and find out that he slept not with female prostitute in Thiland but with shemale.... Shoking. They staid in touch on what's up for 6 months. Dirty txts. From txts i find out that my boyfriend swallowed her/his come...and other more unbelievable stuff.They stop txt when she tried to get some £££ from him.
I was so in shock... I could stop crying for a week. I love him so much and always was open in sex, i love sex, and open to everything. I told him that I know everything. And would do everything i can to help. He was embarrassed at the beginning and didn't want to talk about it at all.
Next week after I goth some sexy toys( double side cock on the strap, sexy net costume) made him drunk and we head a awesome night... he is attracted to cock, but not man... Now he is still confused. I know that he loves me and we are closer then ever. But he still can't promise he can say no to Thailand shemale, and I am little bit getting paranoid about my looks. I am tall, slim and kind of model looks girl, now I want to have fake boobs, nose job...basically i want to look more fake... and I know I should not! Girls its hard work to be strong, some times I feel so down and so little. Feel like I must be worse then a shemale prostitute, but then "ITS NOT ABOUT YOU!" He told me this words when I at first find out...and those words the only explanation i need to come my self down. If you have same situation please let me know how you filling with it?

This doesn't really have anything to do with the genitals of the woman your partner slept with. Simply put. He cheated on you. With unsafe sex, so that's putting you at risk of an infection too. And then stayed in touch, so it wasn't a one off. And although you say he loves you. He is being open and honest with you in saying that it might happen again.

It's possible to love someone. But for it not to be right to be in a relationship with them. And if you want a monogamous relationship. I think you have to have a difficult conversation with him. Because the two of you don't seem to want the same thing. And you can't force him to change. Same as you should NOT change to please him either.

Ada thank you for your advise. But I have different way of thinking. I always try to analise what went wrong and why things went this way. And what can be done. First five years was perfect, he kind of person who looks after you, cares allot and perfect lover. He is very smart and true gentleman. We did use few toys in bed and I don't mind, i actually like toys. He never kissed other person or not even flirt with any in that 5 years. He never said bad word at me. We were perfect together.
Apparently he always was fetish about shemale, but only porn. (I didn't know about it) And when we took 2 weeks off- holiday for 2 weeks(thats why i can't count "cheated" ) he went to Thailand and tried what he always want to try. Yes he staid in touch by txts with her/him. But there wasn't any feelings,only sex addiction. He can't help it. And he hate it. He suffers from it. Its probably easer to just walk a way from people like that, but not after 7 years. He become part of me. We all have some thing wrong with us. No one perfect.
And about STD, its was on my mind too, but after he came back from holiday he went for checks. Even tho he was very careful(condom) and checked all medical of that prostitute. He may gamble little bit with his health but not mine.
He is very confused.
But sex life between us getting better, first week after we get back I was dressing and using double toy, but last night he didn't want to use and all was about me and my feminine. He never hd problem getting hard with me or any other problems. Its just he do like women with man parts down below.

You seem to be defending his side of the story while passing your own feelings as unimportant. If he cared about you as much as you say, then you shouldn't have to sexy yourself up. Instead, he should be learning why he needs shemales as an escape from his life stressors. From my perspective (as the addict), you are undermining your own esteem just so you can maintain the already rocky order in your relationship. In my opinion, that is a ticking time bomb waiting to blow. You must draw the line for yourself so he cannot unintentionally manipulate you into degrading yourself further. It is very possible for him to take you down his dark spiral without either of you wanting or knowing. Please give yourself some time to consider what Ada and I have said. We're here only to offer support, it's what you do with it that matters most. I wish the best for you and your partner, it's not impossible to reconcile. Just difficult.

Hi Lola! Congratulations for your strength!

I could give some help here. I've been on shemale prostitutes for 4 years (7 months without now), and had this fetish/addiction possibly linked with some childhood traumas. I got myself into a relationship 2 years ago - I thought that my addiction was controlled at the time. However, after 1 year, it came back with full strength. I went to three different escorts and masturbated to shemale porn several times on my binge days. After the third encounter, I stumbled upon The Most Personal Addiction, by Joe Zychik *mod edit - external link removed)*

It is a great book! It encourages telling your partner everything that happened. Therefore, I took this step and told my girlfriend about it. At first, I only told that I have cheated her with prostitutes, without mentioning the shemale part. After some months, I decided to tell the whole truth. It was a very difficult time for her - she suffered a lot with insecurity, but she decided to stay with me. I think that a reasonable thing to ask him is to read the whole book. In my case was not enough to control the addiction with internet porn, but refrained me to go to escorts. I also taking personal counselling with a coach and it is helping me.

He must make a decision, with all his heart. With professional counseling, he will be able to connect deeply with who he really is. However, you must face what things are - if he is not committed to change for you, let him go. If he loves you, he will be committed to change, even with some struggle in the first months.